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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to go round and say something?

54 replies

ruledbyheart · 02/06/2013 10:58

I'm getting so fed up the weather is nice so my back door is open, DC and dogs going in and out playing - lovely except everytime the dogs go out my pup starts barking, she is a friendly girl so couldn't figure out why.

Anyway just been out to investigate and everytime she goes out my next door neighbours DC maybe about 7yrs? Is making barking and growling noises at her winding her up.

I shouted over "do you mind" but he doesn't speak english so don't think he understood me.
I want to go round and say something as I don't want to have to keep my dog in because the mother can't stop her child from winding my dog up but she doesn't speak english either so not sure what to do?

Even my children know not to wind other peoples dogs up.

This isn't the first time apprently as DP said when I was in hospital he had another neighbour round to complaints about my dog barking and all he could hear was the boy next door winding the dog up.

OP posts:

MaureenMLove · 02/06/2013 11:00

The word 'no' is universal, show him with hand gestures that it's not acceptable to wind the dog up.

I don't think that's unreasonable.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/06/2013 11:00

I'd say something but I wouldn't assume all children know not to do that with dogs. If he doesn't have a dog at home he may not realize it - making barking noises at a dog sounds daft, but I can see why he might think it's a game and not realize the poor dog isn't enjoying it.

FWIW, I think 'do you mind' is quite tricky for a non-English speaker as it's such an idiom. Maybe if you say slowly No, don't do that, the dog doesn't like it?

Tabliope · 02/06/2013 11:01

Yes, absolutely go round there. Take the puppy. You might have to make actions and do the noises if they really don't speak any English but you can act it out so they get the message. I'm sure that would be an end to it.

Tabliope · 02/06/2013 11:02

For no just do a stern face and shake your head from side to side. Then smile at the end for thank you.

Original poster

ruledbyheart · 02/06/2013 11:06

Unfortunately I can't see the child as we have trees and a high fence for privacy.

I know the womans brother speaks a little english but haven't seen him in weeks and think he has moved out, I tried to introduce myself when she first moved in as not many with very young children around here so thought it would have been nice to strike friendship, unfortunately she doesn't appear to speak a single word of english.

I have translated a note into polish saying "please stop your child annoying my dogs" WIBU to drop that round if it continues?

OP posts:

Boomba · 02/06/2013 11:08

Of course, you can and should go and have a conversation with them about it.

It's not a big.deal. Not all children know how to behave with animals. Why not invite him over to meet the puppy?

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2013 11:08

Just shake your head, move your finger from side to side and say no.

Then as Tabliope says, just smile and say thanks.

Boomba · 02/06/2013 11:09

I think that would be too abrupt

Original poster

ruledbyheart · 02/06/2013 11:09

Boomba because I can't speak polish?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2013 11:11

Oh well if you've got trees and a high fence, the puppy may just have to get used to the noise until the child gets bored (and he will).

LEMisdisappointed · 02/06/2013 11:15

What worra said - the dog will get bored, maybe invite the child round to play with the dog? Hand gestures and smiles go a long way - i can't imagine that they speak no english at all. That way you have established a rapport and you can let him know it upsets the dog to think there is a threat behind the fence.

Boomba · 02/06/2013 11:15

If you take the pup round and use gesticulatuons/make the noise the child makes/shake your head etc etc....toy can male yourself understood

LEMisdisappointed · 02/06/2013 11:17

oh and yes, i think you would be unreasonable to drop that note round - could you maybe learn a few polish words to open up the channels of communication? I know a fair few polish and bulgarian immigrants - they all speak perfect English.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/06/2013 11:18

Oh, if it's Polish, that's not obscure - I bet someone on MN could help you out with a few words or a note to explain the dog isn't happy.

I don't see the issue with saying the dog isn't happy, so long as it's said nicely - the pup shouldn't have to suffer and it surely won't do the child any harm to learn how to play nicely with it.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/06/2013 11:20

Sorry, I don't know where the middle of that went.

I agree the note you have is a bit curt, but you could get someone to help you write a longer one.

snooter · 02/06/2013 11:21

The child may well speak better English than his parents. I think I'd see about properly introducing him to the dog & showing him what is acceptable. Of course his parents would need to be involved as well.

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 02/06/2013 11:23

I don't think it's too abrupt. I bloody hate kids who like winding up animals.

Boomba · 02/06/2013 11:26

But shro if a child hasn't experience of dogs, he probably thinks the dog is enjoying it. He thinks he is playing with the dog

LEMisdisappointed · 02/06/2013 11:31

Thats a good idea, can you start a thread asking for help from polish speakers? I am willing to bet that the mother doesn't want to hear your dog barking every time her child goes into the garden every time they are in the garden together and this is what will happen if it is allowed to continue!

I just think, do try and be as nice as possible about it, you are neighbours after all. I say this because my MIL has similar problems with her neighbours who don't speak english. Instead of trying to be nice (the kids are little feckers to be fair and noisy into the night, i thnk there are possible child protection issues too - they are left alone alot etc, so different situation to one you describe op). I think my MIL has handled it badly, instead of trying to be friendly, she has set herself up as the miserable old bag next door who keeps balls that go over, shouts at the kids etc - it makes things awkward and now the older child is quite rude to her - but of course she has been unfriendly towards the mother who doesn't speak (Any??) english so she is less likely to try and find a solution, it becomes a vicious circle.

Boomba · 02/06/2013 11:34

It is completely possible to have an amicable relationship with people you don't share a language with

It just requires a will

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 02/06/2013 11:38

I think it's usually quite obvious when an animal isn't enjoying something. And I doubt he has no experience of dogs.

They might not speak English but I assume he will be going to a British school? And living here you see plenty of dogs on a daily basis.

Fair enough, I may be being hasty but I wouldn't be overly friendly about it.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/06/2013 11:43

Why would you doubt he has experience of dogs? Is that a particularly Polish thing?

I have seen plenty of small children do daft things with animals. The classic being little ones who rush up to give a fluffy cat a big hug, not realizing that the cat may not care for it! In fact, I've seen a child older than 7 fall foul of that one, as she obviously had no idea how to pick up a cat and (naturally), got scratched.

It's not that unusual, is it? Bit harsh to take it out on children acting out of ignorance.

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2013 11:44

The kid can't even see the puppy so I doubt he knows it's getting wound up.

A bark is often just a bark to kids or non dog owners and they can't always spot frustration.

Having said that, plenty of puppies would be amused by the sound of a child mimicking them...and rather than get wound up they'd just want to play.

I think the OP's making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill here. I'm sure the boy will get bored very soon.

And even through the trees and high fences she can still call out a firm "NO".

Boomba · 02/06/2013 11:46

shro I disagree. British relationship with dogs is quite q cultural thing. I know a lot of African adults who have no experience of dogs. He is probably interpreting the barking as enjoyment, and that the dog keeps coming back. Also its unlikely the mum would let the child continue, if she knew he was terrorising next doors dog

Original poster

ruledbyheart · 02/06/2013 11:53

The woman's brother has a dog, another reason I think he moved out as he wasn't allowed it there as the owner is muslim.
Had problems with the dog previously as is was aggressive and broke through my fence trying to attack mine so I know the kid has been around dogs.

Spoken to a friend of mine who states the woman can speak english but pretends she doesn't to make life easier.

And if the mother doesn't like my dog barking she should shut her kid up.

I have tried being polite saying hello in passing but am ignored.

In all honesty I'm not learning another language when I speak english in england, she lives in england she should learn english, ignorant of me maybe but thats my view rightly or wrongly so its not an option.

I don't really care about having a friendship I was just trying to be friendly, I just want her to control her child and not have him winding my dogs up.

OP posts:

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