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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect the ground to swallow me up at a time like this

62 replies

iccarus · 01/06/2013 00:00

Lovely sunny day today wasn't it? Maybe good to go the park you think? I thought so anyway, trundled along with ds1 (2.8) and ds2 (4months) we had been there 20 mins when ds1 had a paddy over playing bat n ball. I settled down to feed ds2 who had also started screaming, we were already getting some looks at this point. Ds1 then ran off while i was busy feeding i shouted for him to come bk, cue more looks. He does start to run bk but a few yards away he stops, pulls down pants and trousers and announces he is having a wee. then he squats down and shouts i need a poo too mummy. I scream noooo ds1, hastily put baby down on the rug and leg it towards him boob out. By the time i get to him he is halfway through. Ds2 is busy screaming after being unceremoniously dumped in the middle of dinner. For some reason i have no wipes in the change bag except for one, half dry already mucky from wiping his chocolate face earlier. I do my best to clean him up, put the now filthy wipe in a pocket of my bag [grim] and make the sharpest exit possible, leaving the offending poo behind with two nearby families staring in disgust and horror. Why did ground not open up and swallow me???? Anyone else any horror stories to tell, this one will stick with me for a while

OP posts:

KrazyKurls · 01/06/2013 00:02

I actually can't too that, but you have given me a good laugh!

NatashaBee · 01/06/2013 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 01/06/2013 00:05

Ach, you poor love

The other people were only looking at you in sympathy and remembering their own Shit Situations.

Don't have another thought about it there'll be plenty more to come

BerryMojito · 01/06/2013 00:08

Hilarious!

DS1 once pooed behind the bar in the holiday complex we were staying and DS2 pooed in their pool a couple of years later.

Hope that helps [grin}!

CookieLady · 01/06/2013 00:08

Don't worry about it, iccarus. Shit happens.

BerryMojito · 01/06/2013 00:08

Argh!

yaimee · 01/06/2013 00:21

Ooh poor you!
A couple of weeks ago, I took ds into McDonald's for lunch
If that isn't embarrassing enough, I bought ds a happy meal and myself an iced coffee thing with cream on top.When we had been served I couldn't find a seat but there was an elderly Chinese man sat by himself on a large table.
I went over and asked the man politely if I could share his table. He didn't speak any English but smiled and gestured to the seat, so I though he was indicating that I should sit down.
There was a shopping bag on the table in front of the seat which he pointed to and I thought he was asking me to move it, so I reached out and leant over to put it on the floor by his seat. As I did so, the massive iced coffee drink that was on my tray fell off and bounced off his chest, into his lap and finally fell into the shopping bag. He was COVERED head to toe in iced coffee and whipped cream. He was wearing a light blue shirt and beige trousers.
I apologised a million times and ran off to get a cloth and some napkins (not that they would have helped).
By the time I got back he had been joined by an elderly Chinese lady, obviously his wife, the occupier of the seat and owner of the shopping bag.
He hadn't said I could sit down at all, he was telling me that the seat was taken.
She was fuming, she shouted at me in Chinese and grabbed the bag and shoved it in a bin.
I spent forever apologising, offering to pay for food, dry cleaning etc etc but the language barrier meant that my apologies were useless.
In the end I abandoned my food and scurried off to die quietly as far away as possible.
The same day, a bag of ball pool balls burst on me in the pound shop and bounced about all over the shop.
I don't think I'll ever get over that day

Original poster

iccarus · 01/06/2013 00:30

Oh yaimee that did cheer me up, thank you

OP posts:

yaimee · 01/06/2013 00:32

Ah good :D
I feel your pain, my face still hasn't got back to its normal colour yet!

GoodbyePorkPie · 01/06/2013 00:45

Oh no, the poor Chinese man! You should've styled it out and intimated that throwing iced drinks over someone is a way of welcoming them to our wonderful country.

yaimee · 01/06/2013 00:47

Or pretended I was a scorned woman and flounces out glaring at him :)

Original poster

iccarus · 01/06/2013 00:55

Its not quite as bad as what ds1 did to dh last weekend to be fair. He was pushing the pram with one hand and carrying ds1 on his shoulders, holding him with the other. Ds1 shouts my tummy hurts daddy and is promptly sick all over his head. I was in a meeting and they were killing time waiting for me. We all got the train home later ( an hour ride and a busy train) not a popular family that day. Ds1 and his bodily functions

OP posts:

Boomba · 01/06/2013 00:57

Didn't you have a nappy bag or summat, you could have picked the poo up with?

yaimee · 01/06/2013 01:03

I think she was probably flustered boomba
Sound like an awful situation for her and sometimes things that later seem to be common sense and decency are forgotten in the heat of the moment.

AgentZigzag · 01/06/2013 01:05

You shouldn't feel too bad yaimee, it was an accident and you weren't to know what he fucking meant!

Balls everywhere in poundland - totally your fault

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/06/2013 01:09

My DD is the worst for embarrassing me.

She grabbed a dad's arse as we stood behind him at nursery..he turned round to see me..

She grabbed a woman's boobs as we passed her on stairs.

She ran over and grabbed a baby's food from it.

She ran to grab a woman's things and nearly squished her baby

And regularly heads at as sprint to people and grabs anything they have that looks fun.

I m great at apologising now

yaimee · 01/06/2013 01:12

Grabbing the dads star is hilarious fanjo
I'd be groping dads on a regular basis if I were you, and blaming your dd!

MyShoofly · 01/06/2013 02:36

My sympathies....but could you have not picked up the disgusting poop with the dirty wipe and put it in the garbage bin?

I do feel for you though OP - my two are the exact same age and we had an exhausting trip to the park yesterday even without a poo incident

honeytea · 01/06/2013 02:54

My little sister did a poos whilst we were playing crazy golf, she pood in the 9th hole, I think it looked like a potty in her eyes.

My mum ran back to the car (miles away) and left teenage me guarding the shitting toddler. A lovely family were getting closer and closer to the 9th hole. When they got there I had to explain the situation and suggest they postpone hole 9 till after mum came back with the whipes.

Babywhipes are amazing there was no sign of poo when we left.

Original poster

iccarus · 01/06/2013 07:40

Pmsl to grabbing the dads arse and pooing on the golf course. You are right it would have been so much better to remove poo but the wipe really wasn't up to it and no nappy bags to hand.scooping it into my bag might have been more than i could stand i think, particularly with no way to clean my hands and two kids to manhandle out of there. Thankfully it was pretty close to a flower bed not right in the middle of the grass and a v big park so hopefully no-one will have an unfortunate encounter

OP posts:

ChairmanWow · 01/06/2013 07:53

Oh god, so many laughs on this thread already.

I'd been thinking about where I could post this one. Last weekend we went to a country park with DS (2.3) and DD (2 months). It was a beautiful day and bank holiday weekend, so busy with families enjoying the weather. Outside the house in this park is a statue of a slave - not very PC but a part of our history I guess. Now I'm a bit of a lefty so imagine my horror when DS sees the statue, shouts 'MONKEY!' and runs towards it going 'uh uh uh uh' and doing monkey arms. Oh sweet Jesus, the shame!

The ground also failed to swallow me up. It was definitely BU.

MothershipG · 01/06/2013 08:15

You should have looked out for a dog walker and asked if they had a spare bag. And rest assured inconsiderate dog owners will be blamed...actually I wonder if you can be fined for not picking up toddler poo?

Sorry, not helping, am I?

icklemssunshine1 · 01/06/2013 08:32

I feel your pain OP but you did make me laugh! Makes me feel less alone with my "parenting" skills!!

iccarus, my DH has been there too. Went out for lunch one day en route to visiting family members. DH decided to carry DD on his shoulders - she was about 15 months. He decided to bounce her. I did warm we'd just had lunch & she promptly vomited scrambled egg all over his head. I couldn't stop laughing, luckily I had my Tena Lady on so I didn't embarrass myself either!!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/06/2013 08:50

ChairmanWow oh how mortifying

ginmakesitallok · 01/06/2013 08:57

On holiday last year we were lounging by the pool while kids were playing. I looked up to see dd2 crouching by the side of the pool having a poo, with an audience of half a dozen kids. Do grabbed her and carried her to the toilet, she continued to poo, leaving a trail, whilst I ran after them with a couple of paper napkins. Meanwhile all the other kids were shouting "she's having apoo! She's having a poo!"

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