To find breastfeeding a 2 yr and 3 month old unsettling and slightly repulsive?

[Thinkingpositively]

I am guessing this thread might upset some people but really...? DH and i were shocked to learn someone we know is breastfeeding a child who can walk and speak and self determine...dh wouldn't discuss it over lunch...

Are you questioning your gut feeling/ response - or your being judgemental. Social conditioning has probably engendered the former. You need to sort yourselves (incl. DH) out re. your judgemental attitudes if this is the case.

To the poster some pages back who said a three year old was teased by his 'mates' for bfeeding and so stopped..i doubt that. Three yr olds dont give a shit if they or their friends bfeed, have bottled or a dummy etc and they dont tease each other either.

YABU I am actually jealous if thats true because I couldnt get the hang of bf with my first ds so didnt bother trying with my next two.
I do regret giving up so easily so good on her for doing it

The first time I saw an older child breastfeeding was very confronting for me, I was 19 and had only thought of babies being breatfed. But I kept my opinion to myself.

Roll on 20+ years and I find myself tandem feeding a toddler & newborn without having really realised I was doing what this other lady did that shocked me.

I was more educated about breastfeeding, my eldest had some health issues that meant weaning to artificial milk was silly and quite frankly I couldn't be bothered to make eldest stop when it would cause grief that wasn't necessary.

Fortunately I experienced curiosity & respect - rather than revulsion - from family & friends. Or they kept their revulsion to themselves...

If you have issues with this, that's fine, keep it to yourself. Unless she is asking you to do the same with your child, then luve your own life.

- but have run out of another animal species' milk so added my own just for you you judgey bint

i breastfed my daughter until she was four. she's now breastfeeding her 18mo. we're normal.

counselling might help you, or simply education.

OP if you are still reading... I BF my children for quite a long time.

What I have noticed is that while I was doing it, it all felt completely natural. The second I stopped it seemed like an odd thing to do.

Hence people who have never BF feel it is odd to BF a toddler. People who are BF a toddler know it isn't.

And never the twain shall meet.

OP (if you are still around), I get what you are saying about not being able to imagine BF an older child. We don't see it, so we can't imagine it.

The vast majority of women BF older children get there by accident. My aim was 6 months, seem to have overshot that by just over 4 years (so far!). When I first heard about tandem feeding, it just about blew my mind. And yet here I am doing it.

So, keep an open mind and see how things go. It's good to arm yourself with all the information and support you can, but you never know- in a few years you might be back here responding to a similar OP about how you are BF a 2 yo

If you and your DH find breastfeeding a baby/toddler/child repulsive, then that's your problem. If you actually disapprove, then you appear to be trying to make other people change their perfectly correct and acceptable behaviour just because you have an issue. You should also read up on the subject as you appear to think that a child who can walk shouldn't bf. Personally I'd be ashamed to be so ignorant.

I remember when I was pregnant with my first. I arranged to go away overnight on a he weekend as I'd worked out my baby would be 6 months old and therefore would have stopped breastfeeding. I genuinely thought you just stopped at 6 months.
I am a health professional too and still blithely assumed I had to stop when solids are introduced as there is no clear message in the education/media that carrying on is NORMAL.
That was in 2007, another child later and I am still breastfeeding. Literally haven't had a break. Tandem fed and 3.5 year old dc 2 still going.
I suppose what I'm saying is until you are there, actually have a child, then you really have no idea.

I went into motherhood knowing that my DGM hadn't been able to BF my DM & DU due to ill health after birth, and my DM had only been able to BF me for 6wks when she stopped producing enough. My approach was give it a try and see how long we last.

DD was rushed straight into NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit in case you didn't know) following birth but luckily only needed to spend a week in hospital. While I was kept in with her, I was asked how I intended to feed and the hospital's BF co-ordinator came and helped me to start hand expressing then to use the pumps. It wasn't exactly the most auspicious start.

I'd already been told about a local BF support group by a friend of mine with a DD of her own who's a year older than my DD, so I went along to meet other new mums. I met mums who had trained as peer supporters after BFing for over 3 years, mums who'd mixed (BF & FF) from birth, mums who'd struggled with low supply or tonguetie, and mums who were tandem feeding babies & toddlers. I learned a lot by talking to every single one of them, the main thing being "don't put any expectations on yourself - you'll drive yourself mad".

The retired health visitor who runs the group advocates just facing the challenge in front of you. When I was struggling with the 6 week growth spurt (no-one ever seems to tell you about the growth spurts at the start), she was a sympathetic ear who explained that it was going to be a tough week and don't be worried about supplementing with a bottle or 2 of formula a day to stop me from going nuts (but not more than that if I wanted to establish the increased supply). I got through it and knew what to expect the next time around.

I'm now sitting here with a 1yo DD who I'm still BFing even though I've gone back to work full time. I don't express at work, but she has a feed as soon as I get home, to go to sleep, usually once during the night and a sneaky one before I get up for work. I never thought I would BF for this long (I hoped for about 6 months) but while it lasts and DD is happy, I'll keep going.

wow. l..just...wow.

I feel sad that you care so much to feel 'repulsed'

i am repulsed by your attitude.

Your latter posts indicate that you want to know more about it. You would have received a far better response if you had opened with those posts, not with nasty words.

The majority of people do not set out aiming to feed for a number of years. Many aim for six months, and many for a year. Many are aware of the WHO recommendations of a minimum of two years, but, when you are pregnant, or have a newborn, two years seems like a very long time.

What I think is important to remember is that no one just picks up a toddler and starts breastfeeding. They have been breastfeeding since that child was tiny, and they have fed them, every day. Those days have ticked by, and all the little targets they have set themselves to aim for have as well. Suddenly they find themselves approaching six months, a year, two years, three years... Things are going well, both mum and child continue to benefit. Why stop when they're both happy?

A toddler doesn't feed as much as a newborn, so it's not as if you're feeding every two hours for three years!

I made the decision to allow DS to self-wean. He did so, just before his third birthday, having dropped himself down gradually with the number of feeds. It was the right decision for us both, I'm proud of it, and yet if you had told me when I was pregnant that I would be breastfeeding at nearly three, I wouldn't have believed you.

'Extended' feeding is completely normal, anthropologically speaking. Unfortunately our society has been infiltrated and impacted by companies such as Nestle, who have encouraged us to see this as abnormal and unnecessary; "why bother when you can just give our wonderful formula?". So your views, as much as they have irritated me and many others, are not purely your own. You have been conditioned to think this way. Sadly like a large number of people around the world.

Open your mind, read what people have said, ask for support and information when you would like it. No one is saying you 'have' to feed for numerous years, but don't just those who do, and remember that your life may just work out that way too.

Can I just point out that:

(Assuming OP is UK based with UK experience, obv)

She simply won't haven't seen much breast feeding in public

She is unlikely to have been educated about the fact that humans can feed their children (incredible though this sounds it really isn't/wasn't? discussed much in schools, at least in my experience- I'm guessing the OP is of a basically similar age to me given that we ae both having children roundabout now)

If she is one of the first in her family to have children then it is entirely possible that she hasn't had any exposure to breast feeding in a family environment.

I can totally understand where she might be coming from here- it is a fairly normal reaction to be surprised by something so 'new' to your experience. It's not surprising that her first urge was to try to discuss with her closest relative either, to try and understand it a bit better. This may well be why her DH didn't want to discuss it either- all of the above reasons, plus a dose of prudishness.

At least she has tried to discuss it further on a forum which is supposed to provide information and support, rather than just carrying on being ignorant.

I don't think all the offended-off-the-scale replies are being particularly helpful in anything other than spreading the message that it is probably going to be difficult to discuss this topic with people for fear of causing upset and offence. So well done for that, all you breast feeding advocates who told the OP to shut up, and worse.

But she didn't try and discuss it, did she? She managed to insult people within the title. If she had posted saying, "I found out a toddler over the age of two is being breastfed today, and was a bit surprised. I didn't know these things went on. I'm pregnant with my first, and don't know much about breastfeeding.", she would have received a vastly different response.

Frankly SirBoobALot I think that's splitting hairs.

She used an unfortunately emotive way of putting it, sure, which clearly pressed a lot of people's buttons.

Don't people often cause offence through ignorance without actually meaning to?

But she basically said AIBU for feeling like this? Which was probably a fairly accurate statement of her feelings at the time.

At least her next posts show that she is willing to think about the issue and revise her opinion!

If you find it repulsive don't do it.

I find coffee repulsive so I don't drink it. I also get tetchy if someone I'm with orders one and I have to smell it.

So YANBU unless you're implying people shouldn't do it. Then you are.

Well said, silverten. Couldn't agree more.

Yes, and her later posts have allowed for people to post productive, positive replies.

It's not splitting hairs - if you come on and tell anyone that they and their child are 'unsettling and slightly repulsive', there will be a reaction. A completely understandable one.

I absolutely agree that feeding an older child isn't, normally, some lentil weaving, hippy plan of it's mother's, it just happens!

DD2 just liked BFing. She choose to carry on, I choose not to choose some arbitrary date to say no.

10 out of 10 to the OP who has managed to judge parents who breast feed and those who formula feed in a single thread.

Have you heard of the WHO guidelines on Breastfeeding. YABU