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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to give DD the 'Master' bedroom?

78 replies

LtEveDallas · 31/05/2013 08:06

Been house hunting for a while and last weekend have found two possibilities that tick most of our boxes. One we could pretty much move in tomorrow, one would need quite a bit of fiddling with.

In both cases DH and I have said we would give DD the 'Master' bedroom with en-suite. The first house has 3 very good sized doubles and the master is pretty huge, the second has smaller doubles, one of which we would extend into the garage to make a better sized room for us whilst DD has the (current) master.

To a man, everyone we have talked to about it has exclaimed their horror that we would give up the 'master' for DD . Comments range from 'it would be too big for her' to 'why would you give up an en suite' and a couple of 'too big for her boots' 'spoiling her' and 'rod for your own back' stuff.

I don't get it. I don't like en suites, wouldn't use one and DH couldn't care either way. I think DD would get more use out of a bigger bedroom, especially as she grows up (she's 8 now).

Have I broken some unwritten rule? What's the issue I must be missing? Even family are muttering and sneering about it.

OP posts:

HighInterestRat · 31/05/2013 08:09

Well I think it's nice.

It also makes sense for her to have her own bathroom, especially as she gets teenage older. Will save queues.

MaxPepsi · 31/05/2013 08:10

If you are not going to use it then what is the problem?

When I was a young girl, my parents were going to make my bedroom 'ensuite' at considerable expense. They would have continued to use the house bathroom.
The only reason they didn't in the end was becuase I wasn't that bothered.

I have no issue with kids having bigger bedrooms. Makes perfect sense. Adults sleep in bedrooms. Children play and have their friends in theirs.

superbagpuss · 31/05/2013 08:14

our DT have the biggest room. I prefer sleeping at the back of the house and they have more space to plays in. we have a tiny spare room for overspill of our junk and boys stuff and we have two built in wardrobes in our room so kind of works out

halcyondays · 31/05/2013 08:17

i wouldnt worry about what anyone else thinks, its your house and up to you. I know plenty of families where a child had the biggest bedroom, a couple of my friends, my cousin and dh at one time. Mainly because children tend to have more stuff they want to keep in their rooms, and spend more time in their bedrooms, especially as they get older. The adults probably weren't bothered so much about having a big room.

kelda · 31/05/2013 08:18

YANBU. My dd2 has the master bedroom in our house. It used to be our bedroom, and dd2 and ds were both born in that room

Dh and I now have a smaller bedroom because it is connected to the study and has an en suite.

kelda · 31/05/2013 08:19

oh and dd2 even gets the four poster bed! Because it's so huge we can't move it to any other room.

Dahlen · 31/05/2013 08:21

It's just a hangover from the days where size of room indicated importance. It's been followed unthinkingly by many people. I have come to realise that in my next house move I would actually have the smallest double room because my DC will spend a lot more time in their bedrooms than I ever will.

flipchart · 31/05/2013 08:24

I don't see what your family living arrangements are to do with anyone else..
You do what works best for you.

MrsPresley · 31/05/2013 08:28

My DD has the largest room, DS the middle one and I have the smallest.

Makes sense to me as DD has toys etc, DS is 19 and past the toy stage and I dont need a big room, I only sleep there anyway whereas the DC spend time in their room.

cornypedicure · 31/05/2013 08:28

It makes sense for dc's to have big bedrooms if you can organise that as they may need a study area etc.

I wish I could enlarge my dc's bedrooms - they have too much stuff!

Spero · 31/05/2013 08:33

I used to sniff and sneer and think 'ridiculous'!

Then I had a child. She has master bedroom because she has lots of toys which I do not want in the living room as that is 'my space'. I spend very little time in my bedroom, she can spend hours with friends playing. Basically, most of the house is 'mine', organised to my taste and to my needs, so I think it only fair she has a space to spread out and see her friends.

And I have a soothing toy free downstairs so it is definitely win win.

FreakoidOrganisoid · 31/05/2013 08:39

My children have the master bedroom. I only use my room for bed and don't have lots of stuff. They have loads of stuff and like to play, read, retreat to their bedroom so it only makes sense.

BodaciousTatas · 31/05/2013 08:42

My dd has the master bedroom she is 14 and spends far more time in her room than I do so it made sense.

meddie · 31/05/2013 08:42

My two shared the master bedroom for 6 years when they were little until I extended. It mademore sense. I only slept in my room, they had loads of tons and could play for hours in their room. It meant the downstairs was toy free and more like an adult space. Its win win as far as I am concerned.

Original poster

LtEveDallas · 31/05/2013 08:43

Its just a hangover from the days where size of room indicated importance

Ahh, now it is mainly older people that have commented about the room size, although younger people seem to think the en suite is a necessity.

I have no issue with kids having bigger bedrooms. Makes perfect sense. Adults sleep in bedrooms. Children play and have their friends in theirs

That's exactly my reasoning. I'm quite looking forward to shutting DD and her screechy screaming girlfriends away in her bedroom rather than all over the house! She's taken over our dining room with all her 'stuff' and I have no escape. In the new home all her stuff will be in her bedroom - and I've already made her think that is the 'trade-off' for her having her own bathroom!

OP posts:

MortifiedAdams · 31/05/2013 08:45

We live in a groubd floor flar and used the front master bedroom as a living room (and the living roomas a dining room), sleepibg in the second, back, bedroom until dd came along. We now are in the front bedroom and dd in the back one (living room.now where is should be). It has always been our plan to swap with dd in the future when either (1) she has more toys than fit in her room or (2) she starts havinga few friends over to play/sleep or (3) when we have a second dc and they share the bigger room.

Other people ABU. Ignore them.

purplewithred · 31/05/2013 08:47

Very sensible if you don't have a second sitting room downstairs, so she can use her room as a bed-sitting room as she gets older. But that will mean her having tv in her room and internet too, which you may find hard to police.

But if you are going to do it then have tv and ethernet wired in - best thing I did with my son's room. At 23 he can't afford to live out but can live with us in some independence and harmony.

HabbaDabba · 31/05/2013 08:50

We have the master only because there are two of us but the ensuite is a deal breaker for me. Having said that, some (older) friends think that it's disgusting having a toilet adjoining a bedroom.

Ensuite aside, kids spend more time in their rooms so why not let them have the master

sooperdooper · 31/05/2013 08:53

I don't know why you'd even be discussing who'd have what bedroom with people? It's not really any of their business, if it works for you then do it

GoblinGranny · 31/05/2013 08:55

I agree that it makes sense to look at it logically, rather than biggest = most important person. DS has a big bedroom, it keeps his junk collections and artwork in one space and stops it impinging on everyone and everywhere else.
DD has a small room, she's a nerd and her electronics take up hardly any space. Her library, photo and music collections fit into the palm of a hand.
Which means that the rest of the house can be organised according to need as well, we have a library/study/music room because we need one.
Organising how you live according to other people's priorities and expectations is insane.

Original poster

LtEveDallas · 31/05/2013 09:14

I think I was just surprised at the reactions. It makes perfect sense to me (and DH) but not to anyone else. But from MN it seems more like what we are doing is the norm!

OP posts:

frogspoon · 31/05/2013 09:24

I think if you just gave her the room without comment rather than kept talking about it, you wouldn't have this problem.

goodiegoodieyumyum · 31/05/2013 09:29

We are moving house next month, the main bedroom will be the children's play room as the two other bedrooms on that floor are the same size the children will have a smallish bedroom each, and we will have the attic room. I can't wait to stop sharing with my ds 18 months so I am happy they are going to have the biggest bedroom to play in.

Can't wait to be in a bigger house with a bigger garden and be actually save money by moving to a cheaper area of the Netherlands, where apparently nobody wants to live because every thing is modern and has no character.

YANBU hope you get the house you want, so glad we found the house we did.

whois · 31/05/2013 09:44

Makes sense to me. Adults sleep in their bedroom, and entertain friends in kitchen / dining room / sitting room. Kids build big Lego sets, make dens, play with friends, do homework etc in their rooms.

Jan49 · 31/05/2013 09:51

I've got one ds, now an adult, and we had 2 different houses during his childhood. In both houses he slept in the biggest bedroom. Somehow the biggest bedroom seemed the logical one for him. I can't remember how we decided. There wasn't an en suite bedroom. If there had been, I'd have probably wanted it for myself!

I don't think anyone has ever commented on it. But I don't think I've ever had any reason to talk about it to anyone either, so they would only know if we were showing them around our house, which sometimes happened.

You should do what you want. I suggest you just don't talk about it. Just tell people you've found a nice 3/4 bedroom house and it's got this and that. No need to discuss sleeping arrangements.

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