inheritence money

[benjerriesandme]

I was given 10 thousand pound off my mom when my grandad died. I was also left 1500 pound off my grandad in his will in my name which i spent on paying off our 3 piece suite and a few other bits for the house. When my mom gave me the money she said that i can use it to do my house up. I had just bought a house with my husband and it was a shell!

My problem now is although i have put the money in our joint account and don't just class it as my money, my husband and i seem to have different ideas on what to spend it on. I'm trying to be careful and make it last and spend it on things it was intended for as its our only way of doing the house up. We have bought some appliances we needed for the house. My husband took out over a thousand to pay off credit card and another thousand to but a deposit down on a new to us car which in all honesty i was not that happy with. I don't mean it to sound controlling but i keep thinking once its gone we will be in a mess. What has made me mad about the credit card is i don't mind we paid it but on occasions he has put beer and chocolate and non essential stuff on the card. Also he had a mobile phone bill of £106 last month so it was another tight month. When ever we are tight he suggests we take money out of the account to help us out but i really don't want to as we only have £2.700 left and still need to do things such as new carpets etc.

I know i probably sound a bitch and controlling and i don't mean to but it just seems bad budgeting. I'm a SAHM at the moment and will be going back 2 days a week in September. I just feel so frustrated by it all and in a way just wish we didnt have the money as it has caused endless problems. I just wanted to use it on the house and save some so we had something to fall back on but we don't seem to agree.

Has anyone else been in this situation?

Put it in a high interest savings account that's locked for a few years?

I have inherited money and tbh even though I am married I hconsidered the money should be used according to my wishes. Now it so happens these have coincided with my DH's - helping us to move house. But if we had not agreed I think I would have kept hold of the money until we could find a way of spending it in a way we both agreed to.

Interestingly I have always had a separate bank account!

The inheritance money is yours by law. You should have put it in a separate account really (not helpful of me - sorry) but it is you money and yours alone, to do what you want with.

In divorces, for example, inheritance money cannot be touched.

YADNBU. Also, it sounds like you wanted to use the money from your Grandpa in a way he would have been happy - ie making a lovely home for yourself.

I would be livid.

It's tough. I do think that, however money comes in to the family it is then 'family money', particularly if one partner is a sah parent. But, I would also think that big expenses should be agreed on. Then again, paying off a credit card (which is presumably costing you money each month) is quite a sensible use of savings.

I agree that paying off the card was needed i just wish he didn't just go out and put trivial things back on it so it builds up again IYKWIM.

I would put it in an account in your name and save for the big purchases. He is basically frittering it away on day to day purchases that should come form your family income

I think the problem is that you put it in to a joint account, sending the signal that it was joint money. Why don't you take the remaining amount out and put it in a savings account?

No I don't think yabu for wanting to keep it for using on the bigger things. I would probably include the car in the big things category but imo things like the phone and credit card should be budgeted for out of normal income.
If you don't want to spend it straight away then I suggest moving it to somewhere your Dh can't just keep dipping into it and tell him that it is to be saved for the carpets etc

"In divorces, for example, inheritance money cannot be touched."

that is incorrect

I would disagree with putting the money in your name alone - unless you'd be happy if your partner did the same with, say, a bonus or overtime money, or whatever. Surely you need to speak to your partner and try to agree on what the remaining money is to be used for. If the issue is that you're often short at the end of the month then that's something you could look at together.

He is a prick to be frittering away your inheritance like that.

Take the money out and put it in an account in your name.

Put it back into your account.

I would agree to locking it away. He's got it into his head that running up credit card debt is "ok" because you have this money he can dip into when he needs to. You need to remove that option, otherwise you'll never have anything for a rainy day because you'll have spent it all on minimum repayments and other things you can't even remember.

I would really worry about being with someone who had this sort of attitude to money- putting down a 1K payment on a new car without consulting you? Not on.

I'd take it out personally.

Do you normally have a joint account that you can access?

If you have been at home and he has been supporting the family without questioning how you spend what he earns then yabu.

as always, bigger issue here - you are married to a financial fool. £106 on a mobile phone?

make sure you have separate accounts, and it is time for a grown up discussion on budgeting.

Order the carpers and other things now or put it into a separate account.

I agree with others - too late now for what you 'should have' done, but at least put the £2700 that's left in an interest bearing a/c in your own name to salvage what you can.
You don't sound controlling, but you do sound like you and your dh need to have some serious sit down discussions about money and spending priorities, as it doesn't seem like a good foundation for a relationship to me if one half of a couple commits to something like a new car, without it having being agreed by the other. Clearly, you need to look at budgeting together anyway if he thinks that £106 is a reasonable amount to be spending on a month's bill for a mobile phone, when money is clearly not plentiful.

Agreed, Squeaky.

So, over £7000 has been spent NOT on the house?

Silly idea perhaps, but could you do the house renovation/decoration etc now? That way it gets used for what you want it too, rather than frittered away bit by bit as the temptation just to dip into it a few pounds at a time for your DH appears too great. Once it's gone it's gone.

If that's not practical, I would look at moving it to an ISA. That way I could avoid offending DH by saying we need to get a better interest rate, whilst putting it out of reach.

I know different attitudes to finances can be frustrating, and if it was his lump sum, you might feel that he should have more say, but be careful and dont trample over him. Treat him as you would like him to treat you.

"I don't mean it to sound controlling but i keep thinking once its gone we will be in a mess."

but how would you have coped if you hadnt got the money?

My DP inherited a good bit of money a while back and I consider it Dp's alone. That being said DP bought us both a separate treat with the cash and used most the rest towards house stuff/mortgage. Theres some left which Dp has saved in own acct but I know that it'll be used for a family rainy day probably and not blown by DP on things I would consider wrong.

If I were you I would explain to your Dp that it's 'rainy day' money and not for all and sundry and put it in a separate acct. If you dont have one get one or an ISA etc

He bought a car with your inheritance without checking with you ? Move the money.