To think I have a borderline eating disorder and blame my mother

[ZdravoPet]

I don't want to insult anyone with an eating disorder, but ok beginning to see that my eating habits are quite messed up

Basically I am a binge eater - can spend weeks eating almost non stop (mainly sugar) and piling on up to 5-6lbs a week. I feel I can't stop, compelled to keep shovelling in the food, even though i get well past the point of enjoying it or even being able to taste it really. I won't eat proper meals, just crap.

These binges usually begin after a period of extreme strictness. I'll eat nothing but salad and grilled veg for a few weeks, then either I'll siddenly succumb to a cookie when i have a bad day and then consider the whole thing ruined and start the bingeing part of the cycle again, or I'll decide to allow myself one 'binge' day when I'm stressed out - which before i know it turns into two days, a week, then longer

I don't know how abnormal this is to be honest, but it doesn't feel right and I'm not happy. I'm not overweight, probably size 12 and at upper end of healthy bmi range.

I know it's a complex thing, eating, but since having my son, I think I understand that a lot of it comes from my mother. He's a toddler and she is always trying to foist biscuits and sugary food on him in a semi-obsessive way. It reminded me of how she did this to me as a child, I was forever being offered sweets and junk and we never ate anything remotely healthy at home. I remember being allowed coke and a bar of chocolate for breakfast before school, for example. I was given sweets when I did well, when I was upset, as an incentive and when I was bored. Basically I ate sweets all day every day. I had teeth removed when I was very little because of this.

I realise now, as I try to teach my son healthy eating habits, that my mother didn't do the same for me. I'm not saying I'm too stupid to realise what's healthy and what isn't, now I'm an adult, but my ingrained eating mode seems to be 'high sugar, high carb' as it was as a child, and in times of stress I default to that.

Does any of this make any sense at all and what can I do?

I'm going to get it this weekend!

i have had years of disordered eating, starting with anorexia but becoming increasingly complex over the years with binge eating, bulimia, and huge fluctuations in my weight. i went to the GP and am in the early stages of eating disorders service treatment.

the turning point for me was realising that i was always trying to get back to the anorexic behaviour as my idea of perfection in terms of my eating. i was always aiming for the very restricted eating and anything that deviated from that was failure.

in the last couple of years i have started to aim for a healthy relationship with food as the ideal rather than the anorexic behaviour as the ideal. it's still really hard and there is a 'gollum' inside me who still tries to berate me for not being 'perfect', but actually the difference is that i don't WANT to be like that any more.

low carbing has helped me as it controls the physical blood sugar fluctuations and the cravings that can result from that. however, while it helps the eating behaviours it's not a cure on its own, and i need help for the mental health side

Hooray !! Zdravo You also Willie? because the psychological side is mainly what P.M. helps with.

I would really recommend Geneen Roth's books, particularly Feeding the Hungry Heart and Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating - have a look on Amazon here and here

I can really identify with you OP. There's no in between, it's either quite extreme dieting or totally out of control bingeing. What we have to do is find the middle ground. Retrain our bodies to eat 'normally'. Eat when we're hungry, stop when we're full. No foods are 'bad' but some are nutritionally empty. For me also the key had been keeping blood sugar balanced.
Google the 'satiety scale' I have found this helpful.
It's tempting to diet & restrict foods but for me this is dangerous as I know it leads to out of control bingeing at some point.
Also google being 'sugar sensitive' - some people have a more intense reaction to sugar. If you identify with this not saying cut out sugar, but try to cut back and realise it makes you feel rubbish and just want more and more! It's good to have protein at every meal/snack too.

ppeatfruit i have tried paul mckenna but actually found that at the stage i was at at the time my behaviours were too extreme and it didn't help

that's not to say it wouldn't help others in the same situation, or me in the future

willie Perhaps just start listening to the CDs every night and see how it helps if you try again. perrinelli Paul Mckenna I Can Make You Thin (stupid title actually but the book and DVD and CDs are good) does exactly as you say but also gives good emotional support.

Agree about sugar sensitivity, there is also wheat sensitivity.

I have been a horrendous binge eater in the past and it used to cause big arguements between DP and I when he inevitably found either my junk stash or empty wrappers hidden in the house

I once lost 7 1/2 stone in 6 months using a vcld but put it all back on within 2 years (including dieting again and losing weight in that time)
It got to the point that as soon as I got a tiny bit stressed I would be stuffing my face I was completely out of control and didnt know what to do.

Then I read about low carb and paleo on here and started researching it.
I then decided to go primal and 10 weeks later I am 1 stone 12lbs lighter and I can honestly say that I havent once felt like bingeing (after the initial carb flu) I know that this is early days but the fact I no longer have the physical cravings from the sugar means that the mental cravings are easier to handle, or I make some paleo cake or have some greek yogurt with maple syrup which gives my brain the sweetness but fills me up and satisfies me.

I certainly dont consider myself cured but this WOE is definately helping and for the first time in my life I feel like I have a good relationship with food, the fact I am losing weight is a huge bonus but the most important thing for me is that I actually feel in control

I really would recommend giving Low carb a go even for a month and seeing if you feel any different

3ismylot That sounds amazing well done! Does your low carb. WOE include cutting out wheat? Because a lot of people are addicted to it. which carbs DO you eat?

I think that it is really difficult to sort out your eating once it has become a problem. I have had problems since I was pretty young, becoming extremely underweight at one stage and bingeing / purging at another, as well as extreme exercise. Personally I have found all the hype about the 5:2 diet really difficult to deal with because, although I could most probably do with losing a few pounds (I am now a healthy BMI but could afford to lose a few IYSWIM although my DM would have me believe that 9 stone is really way too much for someone of my height...), I know that I would either take it too far or it would end up in me bingeing. The only way that I can manage the issue is to eat three regular balanced meals a day with two small snacks (because of my long working day). I try not to vary too much what I eat and stick with "safe" foods that won't trigger cravings or a binge. I also try to avoid diet drinks because I'm pretty sure they have some kind of effect on my blood sugar. I do have some treats like biscuits or wine but I limit them so that I only have them on certain days and at certain times. I think if you have a problem with bingeing it is always a good idea to plan in advance what you are going to eat and not to get ravenously hungry.