To think I have a borderline eating disorder and blame my mother

[ZdravoPet]

I don't want to insult anyone with an eating disorder, but ok beginning to see that my eating habits are quite messed up

Basically I am a binge eater - can spend weeks eating almost non stop (mainly sugar) and piling on up to 5-6lbs a week. I feel I can't stop, compelled to keep shovelling in the food, even though i get well past the point of enjoying it or even being able to taste it really. I won't eat proper meals, just crap.

These binges usually begin after a period of extreme strictness. I'll eat nothing but salad and grilled veg for a few weeks, then either I'll siddenly succumb to a cookie when i have a bad day and then consider the whole thing ruined and start the bingeing part of the cycle again, or I'll decide to allow myself one 'binge' day when I'm stressed out - which before i know it turns into two days, a week, then longer

I don't know how abnormal this is to be honest, but it doesn't feel right and I'm not happy. I'm not overweight, probably size 12 and at upper end of healthy bmi range.

I know it's a complex thing, eating, but since having my son, I think I understand that a lot of it comes from my mother. He's a toddler and she is always trying to foist biscuits and sugary food on him in a semi-obsessive way. It reminded me of how she did this to me as a child, I was forever being offered sweets and junk and we never ate anything remotely healthy at home. I remember being allowed coke and a bar of chocolate for breakfast before school, for example. I was given sweets when I did well, when I was upset, as an incentive and when I was bored. Basically I ate sweets all day every day. I had teeth removed when I was very little because of this.

I realise now, as I try to teach my son healthy eating habits, that my mother didn't do the same for me. I'm not saying I'm too stupid to realise what's healthy and what isn't, now I'm an adult, but my ingrained eating mode seems to be 'high sugar, high carb' as it was as a child, and in times of stress I default to that.

Does any of this make any sense at all and what can I do?

Waterlego, you may think this is ridiculous but the action of opening a can and hearing the 'pzzschh' can be, in itself, addictive. It is ritualistic and leads to 'pattern-matching' in the brain. There is a kind of 'social' aspect to opening a can and I suggest you switch to fizzy water and juice as suggested upthread. Good luck.

Djuicy That doesn't sound ridiculous at all- it makes total sense to me! I smoke too, and there are rituals associated with that- the undoing of the cellophane, the rizlas and filters and the rolling. And in fact my Diet Coke habit is strongly tied to my smoking, in my mind. Obviously smoking gives me a dry throat and then I crave a Coke. And nicotine pairs well with caffeine..... I need to start breaking down some of these strong associations!

Yes, waterlego, smoking is so preposterously ritualistic! When I quit last year I had to give up my favourite first-thing-in-the-morning cuppa as it was so massively pattern-matched to that glorious first morning fag. Now, of course, there is no pattern to my brew-making, but in the early days it was very difficult to break those rituals.

I think, too, OP, that binge-eating becomes ritualistic and I do so wish you the very best of luck in beating your demons. You, too, waterlego. Addiction of any kind is a pernicious bastard x

Sparklekitty is right, binge eating without bulemia (also speak from personal experience).

OP - I am the same as you. I recently lost 2 stone. I have put 1 back on through binge eating.
It is a horrible circle.

My mother never allowed me to go out or see friends or have any privacy. At weekends when all my friends were out we would go shopping and I would buy 10 bars of chocolate (remember when then were 5 for £1?) and a cake. I would eat that just on Saturday. Every night after school I would eat sweets or chocolate.

If I asked to go out my mum would say no and give me pocket money for sweets instead. Chocolate pacified and controlled me.

I wasn't over weight then as I seemed to burn it off. However, now I am a size 16 and I NEED to get back to a 14. I binged again last night and now I am back to square one.

Today I will not binge. I have to lose 2 more stone to be a healthy BMI. I just need to break the binge cycle.

I'm convinced that sugar is addictive, and the scientific evidence seems to be pointing that way too. What you describe isn't that different from what binge drinkers say about their habits.

It does sound like it's derived from poor nutritional habits instilled in you as a child, but that doesn't help hugely now. It's more a question of how you break the cycle and learn sensible eating habits. I have no idea how you do this but perhaps a CBT counsellor could help?

Sorry, I've only just realised that other people had already suggested CBT. But I think it's a good idea.

hackmum You're right sugar and salt AND wheat are addictive (see Wheat Belly by William Davis M.D.)

There's salt in all the cokes diet and whole fat (they don't have to tell you the ingredients, its pernicious stuff and they make an effing fortune out of it, it makes me very )

This is really eye opening, thank you everyone
Looks like I've got to get myself sorted
It's affected my whole life. I have terrible skin and PCOS (which may exacerbate or have been brought on my my sugar addiction)

I said upthread you need Paul Mckenna ZdravoPet but I've repeated it because he's wonderful for self esteem and not blaming us but BUILDING up your self image; come on our thread we're lovely

Also he helps people approach food in a rational way because you learn to trust your body to tell you when you're hungry and to stop eating when you're full.

Most of us got our template for eating from our families. Mothers are easy to "blame" as most of our mothers were largely responsible for catering in our families. But remember that they also had mothers. Nutrition is a complex matter, with all sorts of psychological/sociological/economic/educational strains. Rather than blaming your mother, try to educate yourself about healthy eating and put it into practice. You will make quicker progress than delving into the geneological tree of your family's eating history!

So true Bonsoir. My mum has never enjoyed cooking or eating. When we were children, she often fainted and vomited and we thought nothing of it as they were such common occurrences. I think her difficulties were mainly psychological, in part connected to the fact that she had a stillborn twin who was underdeveloped. My grandmother let her eat whatever she wanted. She wasn't taught to cook and in fact wasn't even allowed in the kitchen. Grandma often had gastro problems; ulcers etc, and eventually died from stomach cancer, which my mum now has. There are a lot of biological and psychological factors here being passed down the generations but it would be fruitless for me to attempt to pick apart what's gone before. I can only attempt to change my own attitudes and behaviours.

I would really recommend having a look at a book called "Brain over Binge", which is a very interesting account of how one woman overcame bulimia without therapy or diets.
Basically her theory is that it is simply a question of reprogramming the brain, which has become locked into a cycle of craving and fulfilment. She also notes that binging behaviour almost always develops as a result of some form of food restriction, I.e. dieting.
It's an interesting read, and her conclusion is that it doesn't take much to break free of those patterns and achieve a much more stable state of mind and body.

That's what paul mckenna does gastrognome it's not a diet.

I have not had a Diet Coke today. I feel groggy and bleak and bereft. That's scary, isn't it?!

Sympathies; the 'comedown' is awful.

Try some cordial with sparkling mineral water to help you over the worst of it waterlego

Thanks both. I have had a couple of long drinks of apple juice with soda water and ice to satisfy the cold + fizzy craving. Have drunk a bit more tea than usual too, but nothing outlandish. I'm missing the DC a lot but feeling a teensy bit better today than I did yesterday.

elderflower cordial is lovely too. Congratulations for keeping at it!!

I could have written your message, OP. I recently realized that my mother is what I would call a "functioning anorexic", who started telling me I was fat when I was a typical, skinny 9-year-old. I have been alternating binges and periods of strictness for 11 years now. However I wouldn't blame my mother for my eating disorders. I am a 31-year-old mother of three now and my mother is not shovelling food in my mouth.

I haven't binged since the beginning of the year, and even though 6 months is too short a period to call myself "cured", I have never lasted that long in the past. Exercise has made a huge difference. I try to do a Jillian Michaels DVD everyday - I actually enjoy it and I found that it reduced my appetite and my stress levels.

I think exercise would really help motivate me must get the 30 day shred out of the cellophane

The funny thing is a lot of my friends think I have a really good relationship with food, as they'll see me tucking into a three course meal and cheese and wine and, since i am not overweight, they'll think I've got a good balance going on. My brother in law thinks it amazing how much food I can put away...people always seem kind of impressed! If only they knew

And oddly enough DH has never really noticed or remarked on my bizarre eating habits...I think I do a good job of hiding it

Exercise is fantastic. I haven't done any for about 10 days and I feel shite for it. Swimming and weights tomorrow, I think.

Zdravo My OH was the same. I know this is a generalisation and obviously men and women are all individuals but of the men I know, most of them have far less complicated relationships with food than the do the women I know. Many men seem to be better at the whole 'food is fuel' attitude, without any of the guilt or obsession or emotional attachment that so many women seem to struggle with.

I did eventually point it out to my OH because I knew I was struggling and wanted to talk about it. He was, and is, very supportive. e.g, if he sees that I haven't eaten anything by mid-afternoon (he can usually tell from my mood!) he will make me something light and nutritious and just put it on the side in the kitchen, letting me know that it's there if I want it, and I usually do!

ZdravoPet the more you say the more I KNOW you'd be fab with Paul Mckenna we've got a great ,kind and supportive thread on the weight loss club page