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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think pretty people are automatically treated better regardless of personality?

66 replies

Sparklypinknails · 26/05/2013 21:50

Mulling this over and I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable to think this? Im thinking in particular of pretty people who are nasty a lot of the time yet still seem to be popular and well liked whereas an ugly a less attractive person would not be forgiven for being nasty so easily or quickly and would not be as popular as a result.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 26/05/2013 21:52

Witty, not pretty, people are popular.

Pretty people are usually subjected to irrational jealousy and bitchiness. Unless they are pretty and witty!

LessMissAbs · 26/05/2013 21:52

I've actually found a lot of really good looking guys to be the opposite; very genuine and nice - perhaps because they are better adjusted/have had to endure less bad times.

HollyBerryBush · 26/05/2013 21:53

Plenty of studies out there showing aesthetically pleasing and tall people have higher earning power.

gordyslovesheep · 26/05/2013 21:55

no - often people treat them as a threat and expect them to by up themselves - I have a couple of really beautiful friends and they have no idea how stunning they are - but people assume they did.

gordyslovesheep · 26/05/2013 21:55

do!

deepfriedsage · 26/05/2013 21:57

They have an easier life.

Original poster
Sparklypinknails · 26/05/2013 21:57

Argh, I think I should have worded it differently I meant along the lines of pretty people being more likely to be forgiven for being nasty repeatedly compared to a less attractive person.

I'm no good at writing AIBUs Grin

OP posts:
TheImpracticalCat · 26/05/2013 21:58

I could well believe that thin people were treated better, certainly. I think people associate being slim with being healthy, focused, self-controlled and generally successful, whereas a fat person is viewed as lazy, lacking willpower and generally less worthy.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/05/2013 21:58

YANBU, I notice a marked difference in how I am treated now from when I was young and pretty.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/05/2013 21:59

(and yes,slimmer, although I ate more than now)

EMS23 · 26/05/2013 22:00

My brother is very good looking and gets treated really well, especially in a retail/ customer service setting. People always remember him and he is constantly getting given freebies etc..
He is also very charming but I've seen it so many times, even before he's had a chance to display his personality.

He has however, had some pretty shit relationships during his life and never really found "the one".

HollyBerryBush · 26/05/2013 22:01

No, I disagree, pretty people are often ostracised, like they are some form of higher being, often they are quite shy and know that others are vacuous and only want to associate with them for their looks.

Bitchy pretty people, in my experience, are not popular.

TinBox · 26/05/2013 22:02

I think that they are generally treated better, and have an easier life/reception from others. I think that in turn, many attractive people are more friendly and develop a kind of social grace, basically because they have always experienced friendliness and grew up expecting interactions to go their way. Not everybody, but I feel like that's the general trend.

Portofino · 26/05/2013 22:02

I think that if this your reality you need to change your friends to be honest.

Doodledumdums · 26/05/2013 22:04

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all!

I remember making conversation with a guy once when I was in a bar and he said 'I don't want to talk to you, you're ugly and i'm trying to get with your friend.' He hadn't even spoken to her, he just wanted to speak to her because like everyone else, he thought she was attractive.

Made me laugh when later on in the evening my friend 'got with' his friend instead! That's karma!

Whatalotofpiffle · 26/05/2013 22:11

Interestingly when I was 18 I had lovely long hair, wore make up etc, got a fair amount of attention. Then I shaved my head.... It was as if I had become invisible and I didn't realise how the validation I received made me feel! I was treated differently... Not badly, just differently.

I don't know what this post adds, it just reminded me of this fairly hard reflective time in my life.

mooface · 26/05/2013 22:17

I think a smile makes more of a difference in social situations than natural attractiveness. I'm quite average-looking but I get SUCH a better reception when I'm in a good mood compared to when my face looks like a slapped arse.

Saying that, a smile makes anyone look more attractive :)

ZZZenagain · 26/05/2013 22:18

yes, of course it is true. It isn't fair or sensible but it is true IME

LRDtheFeministDragon · 26/05/2013 22:52

Depends what kind of 'pretty', I suspect.

I've heard that certain features that are seen as attractive on women (eg., blonde hair), are also interpreted as child-like (in that example, because children are more likely to be natural blonds/blondes than adults, before it darkens). OTOH some features that are seen as attractive on men (like a square jaw) are seen as indicative of strength.

Thinkingpositively · 26/05/2013 22:54

Yes. It is an attribute that can facilitate things in life! Children who are attractive for instance find it easier to navigate school, sustain foster placements etc and attract friends. I learned that at University. It upset me a bit too.................

thebody · 26/05/2013 22:59

No think that's crap op. I have 2 girls now at high school and both like the genuine funny sensible lads/girls.

Those are the popular people not at all just the pretty/ handsome ones.

As my gran days. ' handsome is as handsome does'.

whoopwhoopbib · 26/05/2013 23:00

Yanbu, I know someone who isn't a very nice person to other people including her family but she is very pretty (and knows it) and all of the men in our group flock round her. I have tried to point this out to dp and after giving him a list of examples where she has been nasty to people he is now starting to see her in a different light.

I know this makes me sound jealous of her but it just annoys me that because she looks the way she does everything is forgiven (getting her bil sacked by not respecting his wishes like everyone else - no problem Hmm )

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/05/2013 23:02

I have a friend who is 6 foot of slim, blonde beauty. She came to my hen night and in her cups sadly told me she never gets asked out with women. She was bullied at school and has no female friends apart from me and my friend. She still gets anxious when she sees her bullies now.

Mildly on the pretty side, I think you get better. Proper beautiful, you get shit.

Aitchy · 26/05/2013 23:11

I agree, OP.

I know one woman from an online mum's club forum who is quite attractive, but is actually a total cow in many ways. I won't go into her behaviour as it would take ages to type it all out, but basically she thinks the world revolves around her, prides herself in being honest (rude!), puts others down, and makes out that she is better than everyone else.

Everyone thinks the sun shines out of her backside. I actually stopped posting on the forum as it infuriated me that I could see through her and others could not. Any flaws in her character were totally ignored and overlooked, and she was put on a pedestal.

Xmasbaby11 · 26/05/2013 23:17

YANBU! Harsh but true. We've all seen it happen.

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