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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make a scene on the train

362 replies

photographerlady · 24/05/2013 22:06

I didn't but AIBU to just throw my hands up and really just make a scene next time. I commute over an hour to London on the train. In my third trimester of pregnancy I applied for upgrade for Mums to Be on southwest trains. Have the pass now to sit in first class if the train is full.

The past month I've sat in first class. I am slower now and especially after work when huffing my way to catch the train after quitting time I get on with only 5 minutes to spare. About five coaches down its first class (ten coach train) and its rammed so I get on and sit in FC as those first five coaches have no seats.

Today the ticket checker came to our carriage when we was moving she checked my pass and said that there were seats on this train I have to leave first class. I was more shocked but then she preceded to tell me that she could revoke my pass and I have to move now. So at 33 weeks I walked down two carriages on the moving train til I found a seat.

Now I am working til 35/36 weeks but after thinking about today AIBU to just say "No" next time that I am not moving and take it from there. I mean they can remove me from the train or say I am causing a scene but tbh I feel as though its not worth the strain and cramps in my stomach to hustle down the platform or weave through carriages to make sure all seats are taken before I go back to the pretty empty first class section.

OP posts:
Fuckwittery · 25/05/2013 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

janey68 · 25/05/2013 10:55

I totally agree, families.
It seems a bizarre 'logic' to say that this isn't a good scheme because it doesn't allow someone who is heavily pregnant and decides to make a one off train journey to sit in first class! In the event that I were heavily pregnant and decided to travel somewhere surely it's my responsibility to pay for the method I need to travel.

tethersend · 25/05/2013 10:59

"you chose to be working at this stage on your pregnancy, chose to pay for a ticket you seem to expect, as well"

Really?

Then how come employers are not subject to this strange logic, instead being forced to make reasonable adjustments to allow women to continue to work through their pregnancy?

FCC's new policy does not surprise me one bit. They are utter cunts.

'First class' on a commuter train is a joke- to not allow somebody carrying another human being inside them to sit on an EMPTY seat which is not generating any income is baffling to me. Truly.

tethersend · 25/05/2013 11:02

She would have paid for a standard ticket- you know, the ones which used to come with a seat.

If train companies weren't charging passengers a fortune to travel on trains so overcrowded that people are standing up (whilst there are entire first class carriages standing empty) for their entire journey, there wouldn't be an issue.

MrsSpagBol · 25/05/2013 11:08

Abra1d

"
I don't understand why 33 weeks means you find moving around so hard? You're not THAT big by then, surely? I would have liked a seat at that stage but moving down a train wasn't a huge issue."

How on earth can you judge this? Do we all start and end pregnancy the same size?!
Hmm

janey68 · 25/05/2013 11:09

The issue of train tickets being ludicrously expensive is another issue though isn't it. That's something affecting all travellers. And I entirely agree that train travel is obscenely expensive.

I dont agree that a travel company has the same responsibility to a pregnant woman as an employer does, so I don't think that's a sound basis for argument- I mean where do you draw the line?!- should shops, cafes, cinemas etc all make special adjustments?! However in this case there is a reasonable adjustment anyway- the chance to sit in first class if the train is full, so I can't see the OPs point tbh. What would she make a scene about? If its the cost of train tickets then fine, make a scene but you don't have to wait to be pregnant to do that. If she wanted to make a scene simply because they are implementing the policy she signed up for then she's frankly going to look a bit silly

aftermay · 25/05/2013 11:11

OP, I'm with you on this. I am astounded at the lack of empathy in some of the replies. Complete, utter, unthinking, box ticking robots.

Bogeyface · 25/05/2013 11:14

at 33 weeks I had such severe SPD that there is no way I could have got on to the train without help never mind stood up for any length of time. Walking the length of the train on the off chance of a seat would have been impossible, and if I knew that First Class was empty I would have gone straight there.

Toughasoldboots · 25/05/2013 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Believeitornot · 25/05/2013 11:21

There are so many ridiculously narrow minded selfish people on this thread. Have a heart.

YANBU OP. Complain to SWT about how rude the inspector was.

ZZZenagain · 25/05/2013 11:27

I think your best bet is to write to the train company, saying that you do feel that under the circumstances younhad made a reasonableceffort to find a seat before thectrain departed and you feel you acted in the spirit of this pass upgrade. Explain that it was difficult for you to move through the moving train as you met with the request of the ticket collector and ask them if it would not have been acceptable in their view for you to have remained in that seat for the 45 minutes until the train stopped again at the next station where you would have been happy to look for the seat which you had been told was free. Have the response with younon the train every time you commute.

RememberingMyPFEs · 25/05/2013 11:27

tethersend I travel on FGW (who are appalling btw) it costs me £1100pcm for std and they have no first class scheme, but if I walk to the front of the train I can always get a seat in standard. I just can't bear the thought of 5 hour commutes after 34 weeks - I'm already huge at 30+4. I can't get past anyone else stood in an aisle so if the train is rammed I can not move anywhere.

I'm not losing pay by starting early mat leave but if LO comes late she'll only be 10 months when I return, which makes me Hmm

Abra1d · 25/05/2013 11:27

'How on earth can you judge this? Do we all start and end pregnancy the same size?! '

I had pre-eclampsia and three hospitalisations in my first pregnancy, so I'm not entirely unsympathetic to people having hard pregnancies, but 33 weeks and fit enough to go to work means you're fit enough to find a seat on a train, in my opinion. If that makes me a 'snotty bitch', so be it.

tethersend · 25/05/2013 11:28

"should shops, cafes, cinemas etc all make special adjustments?! "

Yes, if that special adjustment involves not moving pregnant women out of seats which nobody wants. Why is that ludicrous?

adverbial · 25/05/2013 11:29

I think the ticket checker was unduly harsh. Firstly for threatening to revoke the pass, and secondly for making heavily pregnant person travel so far down the train whilst the train was moving.

tethersend · 25/05/2013 11:30

Remembering, your situation is not one I would like to see replicated. That's appalling.

tethersend · 25/05/2013 11:30

And good luck BTW Smile

janey68 · 25/05/2013 11:34

So... Tethersend... By your logic, a pregnant woman should be allowed to go to my local odeon and sit in a 'premier deluxe ' seat (which is bigger, more comfortable , has a better screen view and is more expensive) even though she has only paid for a standard seat... Simply because she is pregnant...
Wow. Strange logic.

Believeitornot · 25/05/2013 11:35

I had pre-eclampsia and three hospitalisations in my first pregnancy, so I'm not entirely unsympathetic to people having hard pregnancies

sounds like you think you had it hard so why should others who've not complain?

ll31 · 25/05/2013 11:35

So you've access to a good scheme ,but it's not good enough for you,so you break the rules and are annoyed when your called on it. So the rules then on ticketing only apply to others? Yabu .

diddl · 25/05/2013 11:36

Could be though that were so many empty seats in the carriages that the OP hadn't checked that it was obvious she was taking the piss.

Maybe pregnant women should be able to reserve seats?

Bogeyface · 25/05/2013 11:37

33 weeks and fit enough to go to work means you're fit enough to find a seat on a train

Well you 'd be wrong. I was fit enough to work, my brain was fine, but my pelvis wasnt. Being at work wasnt a problem, getting there and back in the manner of the OP would have been.

I have very little patience with "It didnt happen to me so it doesnt happen to anyone" mentality.

helenthemadex · 25/05/2013 11:38

As others have suggested I think you need to get some clarity in writing so you can show this to the inspectors

Jinsei · 25/05/2013 11:42

The first few carriages on a train are always more full than those a bit further away from the ticket gate. I suspect there were loads of empty seats a bit further down, and that's why the ticket inspector made the point.

Though I doubt the OP will admit this now!

WafflyVersatile · 25/05/2013 11:42

I had no idea train operators offered this. That's uncharacteristically kind of them. shame it's not extended to others who would have difficulty standing.

It's a bit jobsworth to make you move on a nearly full train. As others have said to stick to the rules you'd have to walk the length of the whole train before getting on to check for seats then get up at each station which would render the goodwill gesture a bit pointless.

If there were loads of empty seats throughout the train but you just thought, nah, I've got a pass I'm going to sit in first class all the time from now on regardless then you would be unreasonable.

As long as you weren't doing someone out of a seat who had paid for first class then there was no harm in leaving you be.