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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So my MIL just told me she's pregnant... AIBU to feel weird about it?

88 replies

KirjavaTheCat · 24/05/2013 20:39

It's none of my business, is it?

Even if she said herself that the only reason she started trying for another baby is because I'm pregnant.

And the fact that when we told her I'm pregnant she sobbed for an hour and refused to talk to us for weeks, because she was upset that we'd decided to have another baby, thereby jeopardizing the relationship our DS has with her 4yo daughter... because now he'd have a sibling and wouldn't be 'interested' in her.

And that she didn't think that she'd be able to have another child due to fertility issues, and because of that we are being very, very selfish.

Still none of my business, I know. I'm feeling judgmental. Put me in my place please.

OP posts:

pictish · 24/05/2013 22:56

And I am no mil basher at all...I like mine and think they get a hard time as a species.

onenutshortofasnickers · 25/05/2013 00:43

if she is the type just to have children so they will love her and not for her to love them then yes it is weird/worrying, and scary and from what Im reading op it screams mental health issues...

and if she is over 40yrs she has the increased risk of the child having a disabilty and having a complicated/risky pregnancy... i do feel for you but hope it all works out okay x

CSIJanner · 25/05/2013 01:05

I think Pictish summed it up with her post at 22:55. It's not usual for late labs, but her reactions to your pregnancy and her calling you before letting her own son know as if to gloat are a bit

CSIJanner · 25/05/2013 01:05

Please say she let her husband/partner know first....?

GoodbyePorkPie · 25/05/2013 01:20

"Other people have MILs like this, right?"

Er, no. Although mine did get a puppy around the same time DD was born and used to love one-upping my stories of night feeds and poo. But that was harmless.

Your MIL, on the other hand, sounds crackers.

ElizaDoLots · 25/05/2013 01:29

'I think there have been some who have had their mil compete with them in other ways...but never seen this before' my MIL tries to out-bake me, not sure I could cope with her out-breeding me!

caseycartwright · 25/05/2013 01:39

Well, perhaps you getting pregnant just cemented the idea, for her, that she wanted another baby. Perhaps, the relationship between her child and your child was that important to her. Perhaps, she's just really weirded out by the fact she's 45 and about to be a Grandma to 2, and this is her way of showing herself she's not an old lady. Or that she is struggling with the fact her (quite young) son is a father.

None of the above are a crime.

I have been married 15 years and I found my MIL insufferable at first. We get on fantastically now. I look back now and am happy to admit (to myself!) that I was equally to blame, and kind of feel sad that we spent 3 years at loggerheads. The whole MIL and DIL dynamic is a difficult one to navigate. But, personally, I would let this all go and just be excited that there is another close family baby to be BFFs with your baby!

fromparistoberlin · 25/05/2013 08:17

yanbu

its......vvvv dysfunctional

can you slowly, subtly disengage from her?

Original poster

KirjavaTheCat · 25/05/2013 08:25

I don't know that 25 is 'quite young', it's 7 years older than the age she was when she had him

I told OH, he's concerned it's not the best thing for her or her little sister given their circumstances. But hey ho, life goes on.

I think as long as she doesn't ask me to coordinate our baby's names, I'm cool.

OP posts:

Original poster

KirjavaTheCat · 25/05/2013 08:25

his little sister

OP posts:

MamaMumra · 25/05/2013 08:40

I honk she sounds like a weirdo. YANBU.

Inertia · 25/05/2013 09:01

If she is having a baby because she feels that's the right thing to do for her family then that's great.

If she always planned more children but was unable to conceive due to fertility problems, then it's easier to understand why she was upset at your pregnancy.

If she'd got pregnant to spite or compete with you then she's being foolish - she will have children to care and provide for , it can't be reduced to petty game playing and one-upmanship.

UptheChimney · 25/05/2013 09:11

That makes me feel very strange for a reason I can't put my finger on

Maybe because it suggests a whole set of thoughts in her head about you that you've only just become aware of? and which put you in a certain box you gave no control over and you are getting a brief glimpse of the way she sees you. And the way she sees you is a way you don't think of yourself.

I don't blame you, it all sounds really weird and unsettling. Horrible, actually, especially if youve no way of avoiding her. If it was me, I'd be trying to ignore, ignore, ignore, and use polite small talk to change the subject.

YANBU, she sounds seriously unstable.

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