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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So my MIL just told me she's pregnant... AIBU to feel weird about it?

88 replies

KirjavaTheCat · 24/05/2013 20:39

It's none of my business, is it?

Even if she said herself that the only reason she started trying for another baby is because I'm pregnant.

And the fact that when we told her I'm pregnant she sobbed for an hour and refused to talk to us for weeks, because she was upset that we'd decided to have another baby, thereby jeopardizing the relationship our DS has with her 4yo daughter... because now he'd have a sibling and wouldn't be 'interested' in her.

And that she didn't think that she'd be able to have another child due to fertility issues, and because of that we are being very, very selfish.

Still none of my business, I know. I'm feeling judgmental. Put me in my place please.

OP posts:
Tweasels · 24/05/2013 21:00

I don't think OP feels weird about her MIL being pregnant in general dearcathy it's more about the reasons behind it.

I also don't think struggling to have a baby at 45 when you already have a family would necessarily be deemed as a fertility issue. I would imagine many women may have reduced fertility at that age. I wouldn't have the same sympathy as I would for a woman who had fertility issues not due to age.

formicadinosaur · 24/05/2013 21:01

I'm sure it's more about the fertility issues then the sibling thing. She probably really wants a sibling for her own child. Fertility issues are heart breaking, really soul destroying. Maybe this isn't about you?

dearcathyandclare · 24/05/2013 21:03

I stand by my comment of enjoy and don't resent, it really is none of your business and if she lost this pregnancy would you rejoice?

TheBuskersDog · 24/05/2013 21:03

Sorry I do find it all a bit strange, but only because she is the same age as me and the thought of a) being a grandma or b) having another baby at 45 would be bad enough, but both at the same time would be just too much Shock

Did she really find it that surprising that you would want more than one child, after all she had at least two. It's awful that she was relying on your child to fulfil the sibling role for a child she chose to have in her forties, as there was no guarantee she would be able to have another and she obviously wasn't planning to.

Original poster
KirjavaTheCat · 24/05/2013 21:03

The very same mrsjay! Not surprised this stuck in your memory tbh. It's a bit ridiculous.

OP posts:
Tweasels · 24/05/2013 21:03

Seriously dearcathy. You can't see what s wrong with this situation?

And yes MrsDV you are spot on, her age on having the baby is totally irrelevant. It's the fact that she has got pregnant out of some kind of jealousy of her DIL, which is just bloody weird.

pictish · 24/05/2013 21:06

How odd! Not being pg of course, but the rest of it...the sobbing and everything.
Yuck. Poor you - your mil sounds quite disturbed.

dearcathyandclare · 24/05/2013 21:10

Kirjava
I really don't see what's wrong, An older Mum? Sibling for her 4 year old? Last chance in the fertility saloon?Should she have termination to placate the OP? Should she not have sex with her husband just in case?
Of course not,so as the OP asked, it really is none of her business, nor ours for that matter.

ElectricSheep · 24/05/2013 21:13

Has she had mcs? Is it possible she has had more than one and not told you about them? If so, that would explain the sobbing and now pg.

TippiShagpile · 24/05/2013 21:15

Yikes - I am the same age as your mil! Blush

Is there a emoticon?

dearcathyandclare · 24/05/2013 21:16

Sorry Kirjava just realised you are the OP but I stand by my post,

Original poster
KirjavaTheCat · 24/05/2013 21:19

Of course a termination wouldn't placate me Confused. I'm not upset that she is pregnant. I'm not upset at all, actually. Just a bit freaked out by all of this. I know it's none of my business!

I just feel weird, I can't describe it. She's stated that the reason she is pregnant is because I am, she said that to me. That makes me feel very strange for a reason I can't put my finger on.

OP posts:
diddl · 24/05/2013 21:20

Well years ago it wouldn't have seemed that odd, would it?

People often had children with quite a gap between the youngest & oldest.

Is that the case here?

dearcathyandclare · 24/05/2013 21:23

You'll get over it OP, and perhaps even enjoy the shared experience.
Thinking of old people having sex has that effect on some people Wink

Original poster
KirjavaTheCat · 24/05/2013 21:24

She's 45, it's hardly old. What's with the focus on her age?

OP posts:
pictish · 24/05/2013 21:25

I don't blame you OP, her conduct is wholly inappropriate. She is in competition with you...which is actually pretty worrying.

dearcathyandclare · 24/05/2013 21:25

Well you did bring it up as she is your MIL and by implication old enough to be your mother

MikeLitoris · 24/05/2013 21:25

It would be odd for anyone to get pg for that reason.

I know plenty of 40+ mothers and my own family is a mess of aunts being years younger than nephews. My own brother is 20+ years younger than me.

Its the MILs attitude that is bizarre.

dearcathyandclare · 24/05/2013 21:26

Pictish
in competition? really?

MortifiedAdams · 24/05/2013 21:26

It seems th ops issue isnt the pregnancy, its the reason for the pregnancy. She sounds slightly unhinged.

ZZZenagain · 24/05/2013 21:26

I'd distance myself from her, it sounds very strange.

dearcathyandclare · 24/05/2013 21:28

I think I've heard it all now if conceiving a child in a relationship is wholly inappropriate...

youmeatsix · 24/05/2013 21:28

i find it odd she commented about your child having a sibling and leaving her child out, are you supposed to provide a child as entertainment for her child? doesnt she realize your child will grow up and have friends and a life of their own? i cant believe she would have a child "in competition" with her own DIL, sounds like she should be on JK

Original poster
KirjavaTheCat · 24/05/2013 21:28

I suppose she is old enough to be my mother. Not sure what that has to do with anything though.

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 24/05/2013 21:29

She sounds very needy. People like that are hard work to be around. YANBU.