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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in finding the "busy mum" thing ANNOYING

169 replies

Nehru · 23/05/2013 17:02

and " the rare moment I get a minute to myself" and
" i have no time to brush my hair" ( or whatever).

Specially when it is said on here Wink after a good hour or so of titting about!

But busy mums..ARGH

OP posts:
FattyMcChubster · 23/05/2013 18:09

I'm obviously doing something wrong then Hmm
Between feeding (then cleaning resulting mess), playgroups, playing games, general clearing up, I don't really have much time to myself.
What am I doing wrong? Dd is on the go constantly.
I can't shut her out of the loo either as god only knows what chaos she would cause on her own. It's easier to have her in there with me.
Then when I put her to bed I have to do all the things I can't find time for in the day- ironing (yes I know but I don't have a rumble dryer and refuse to look creased) washing etc.
Seriously, what are you doing differently?!

fluffyraggies · 23/05/2013 18:10

By the way, jolly, that was x post with you - didn't aime the not getting dressed thing at you Wink

Decoy · 23/05/2013 18:10

I think it's worse when people boast about how organised they are.

JollyOrangeGiant · 23/05/2013 18:11

Haha, fluffy, DS and I are dressed and ready to leave the house by 8:30 every day. My hair is brushed too. But I don't iron Grin

LifeofPo · 23/05/2013 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsThatTrue · 23/05/2013 18:12

I thought I was busy when dd was little. Hmm

Now I have dd (8) ds1 (6) and ds2 (5mo) and I work a 30 hr week from home (while looking after ds2) and I have no idea what I used to do with my time, how I still didn't get all the housework done or have time for me?! It's a complete mystery to me that I feel less busy now yet get more done. Hmm

YANBU though its an annoying phrase!

sweetkitty · 23/05/2013 18:13

At one point I had a 5yo at school, a 4 yo at nursery, a 22mo and a BFing newborn, a DP who did 12 hour days and no family help whatsoever, that was busy.

Not once was I late for school or nursery, do the run in my jammies, my house was always clean not tidy though and only once did I forget to brush my hair (had to buy a brush in nearest supermarket).

I'm not a superwoman, you cope because there is no option not to cope. People who are really busy don't have time to post every minute of their lives on FB Grin

AmazingBouncingFerret · 23/05/2013 18:15

I've got routine down so fucking well that I bundled the kids into the car and drove to school.

AN HOUR EARLY.

Blush

I think I need to tone it down a bit, but i'm just sooooo busy you know Wink

peteypiranha · 23/05/2013 18:16

I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old and work full time. Im not busy really. I have the odd busy bit but cant say Im rushed off my feet with anything and still spend too much time on net.

Ragwort · 23/05/2013 18:17

Totally agree, I despair of people (usually on MN, don't actually know anyone like this in RL Grin) who say they are so busy they cannot get a minute to themselves, can't go to the toilet on their own, never have a night out, blah blah blah and then admit that DH can't possibly be left alone with his own children Hmm.

I happily call myself 'retired' now Smile.

LifeofPo · 23/05/2013 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iaintdunnuffink · 23/05/2013 18:18

I hate the phrase when used by the media, also most things about working mums. No ones goes on about busy dads and working dads ffs.

When I went back to work I did join in with jokey comments about having a coffee or going to the toilet. When I was a SAHM with a baby I managed to go to the toilet loads and had many hot drinks. It wasn't about the physical act but the mental and personal space.

LifeofPo · 23/05/2013 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crikeyblimey · 23/05/2013 18:19

I like to pretend I'm busy but I'm not really. I am bloody busy at work for 37hrs a week but other than that, I just bumble along.

Ds (10) laughs hysterically when adverts refer to "busy mums". He also laughs at "full time mum" and asks "well who is a part time mum"??

Just because some of us woh we don't stop actually being a mum during these times.

wonderingagain · 23/05/2013 18:28

I think it's a media term used to force men and non SAHMs to buy into a myth. Enticing women to try new products that will save them valuable precious time, or men into buying 'special' things to make the busy mum feel valued and placed higher on her romantic pedestal.

And the bloggers buy into this too. To them it's a lifestyle to be smug about, and at the same time let everyone know they are martyring themselves for the little ones. It is an absolute privilege to look after your children, not a chore (when all's said and done). We don't need patronising or idealising, a bit of recognition by way of flexible working hours and valued voluntary work would would help.

This thread is going to be interesting.

ihatefleecesandbootcutjeans · 23/05/2013 18:33

I do get the busy mum thing. I have 4dcs and rarely get a minute to myself.

I am neither boasting nor moaning when I say that, but it's the truth.

DH works late shifts so life is pretty full on, our 4 year old no longer naps during the day and doesn't start nursery until September so I don't have any time to myself. I get up at 6.30 with our toddler and then older dcs up for school, and from there until dd4 is in bed at 8.30 I have little spare time. Then from 8.30 till probably 9.30 I'm putting the house straight, dealing with the mountains of laundry and dishes and mess built up through the day.

I totally get the going to the toilet thing - I can't leave youngest toddler alone while I go and she can actually get out of her playpen so safest just to put her in the corridor outside loo with her toys and leave door open, or bring her in with me.

MY bugbear is, I do have time to brush my hair though not always to style it properly. However I never understand mums who seem to completely give up on looking nice when they have kids and start dressing in shapeless fleeces, jeans and those black mum boots. And get their hair cut short like men's. It presumably takes the same amount of time to put on a nice dress and cardigan and leggings which retain some degree of style as it does to put on aforesaid mumiform.

So yes I get the busy thing, I am pretty organised but genuinely don't get much time to myself - only typing this as my mum is round on rare visit giving them a bath! But don't get the 'no time to look nice now I'm a mum' thing.

PrincessScrumpy · 23/05/2013 18:35

Everyone is busy, we all fill the time in the day. I have 3dc 5yo and 20mo twins - people seem shocked I wear makeup and even get dressed. But I work from home around the dc and often have meetings to go to so turning up in my pjs is not very professional. You can brush hair while doing other jobs - no excuses.

LeBFG · 23/05/2013 18:35

I have a problem with anyone complaining they're busy....because through extensive experience and observation I've concluded that really busy people very rarely complain about it.

It's always the ones who say they're busy who are in fact feeling guilty they aren't busy enough and so make a show and a dance about the little bit they are doing.

ihatefleecesandbootcutjeans · 23/05/2013 18:37

LeBFG, i don't know if I agree with that, I am genuinely really busy with either housework or kids stuff or family stuff but I honestly don't go on about it - am saying it on this thread as it's relevant but don't boast/complain in RL.

Lavenderhoney · 23/05/2013 18:37

I've been described as a busy mum, but I don't think of myself as busy. I have always time to stop and chat, no real places to be except school or docs at a certain time. I have chores and shopping to do, but I don't feel busy and driven.

We have a routine which means I am organised but flexible. Most of the stuff I do can be done tomorrow, but I like to keep busy:)

Galangal · 23/05/2013 18:48

Totally agree LeBFG. IME those who bang on about being busy are quite often not the ones who actually are. Those who are are just getting on with stuff.

I find the more hours I work, the more organised I am. And the more I make best use of any downtime that I have, it's rarely wasted. If I work fewer I tend to think "oh I'll have time later in the week to do that" and that's when the titting around starts.

MoanyYoni · 23/05/2013 18:48

I find it IS busy being a mum. Ensuring that the house is clean and tidy, making sure we all eat a good and varied diet, ensuring my DC have happy, interesting and fun lives..that sure as heck keeps me busy all day. Interested to hear how OP manages to be a mum and not busy? genuinely looking for tips as feel ready to collapse

EndoplasmicReticulum · 23/05/2013 18:50

I'm busy. It's not the mum bit that's the main issue though, it's the teacher bit.

There isn't a "busy dad" stereotype, is there? But my husband does more child-wrangling than I do.

Galangal · 23/05/2013 18:56

That's true ER. I'm busy but the mum part of it is a doddle. It's everything else that I do that makes my life busy.

Hopefully · 23/05/2013 18:59

I'm a busy mum, but the busy bit has rather more to do with running two businesses than the DCs. I mean, they're not exactly effort-free, but we definitely had a cleaner house/more time in the evenings/less general frenetic activity when I wasn't working, and I still had plenty of spare time for my hobby.

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