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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend let me take the flack for her behaviour. AIBU to be cross?

21 replies

Lamour · 23/05/2013 12:44

I will try to keep this brief:

Three friends (A, B and C) said something unpleasant about a fourth friend of mine (D). I defended her. Two of the unpleasant friends (A and B) then fell out with me because I refused to join in with their bitching, and in a Facebook conversation involving the other friend (C) they told friend D that I had said these things. Friend C knows the truth and knows that it was all lies, and feels awful about it, but hasn't and doesn't plan to tell friend D the truth, and is happy for me to take the flack. Therefore friend D is no longer speaking to me either as she thinks I've been awful about her.

She is now in a friendship foursome with the others, even though she knows what A and B said, and I am out on my ear and none apart from friend C will talk to me.

I think it's grossly unfair that I have been ostracised in this way when I didn't do anything wrong and deliberately tried not to get involved.

I get quite upset when I see on Facebook that they are all arranging nights out and that friend C is going along with it and didn't tell the truth.

I know this all sounds like we are 12 years old, and I hate situations like this, but it's all really upset me.

OP posts:

ChaoticTranquility · 23/05/2013 12:47

YANBU but I'd find some real friends if I were you.

bruxeur · 23/05/2013 12:48

None of them are your friends. Move on.

TheUnicornsGoHawaiian · 23/05/2013 12:49

If it makes you feel better to have your say and make your point, then do it. Tell friend D the truth....she probably won't believe you but you may feel better for saying your piece. My nan always says "it all comes out in the wash." meaning that eventually the cracks will show, someone will slip up and friend D will realise how wrong she was. I'd get some new friends and stay away from Facebook. Where do you live OP, other m'netters might know of local groups with normal people

YouStayClassySanDiego · 23/05/2013 12:50

Get away from all three of them and get off FB if you're really upset..

They're two faced and really quite pathetic people from reading your OP.

persimmon · 23/05/2013 12:50

I feel your pain but you're better off without them, they sound crap as friends.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 23/05/2013 12:50

Seriously, how old are you all?

I would think myself well rid to be honest.

offonajolly · 23/05/2013 12:51

Friend C sounds spineless and weak. I would be very angry with her. Friends A and B sound like cows...if I was you I would just text/email/message friend D (if she won't speak to you) and say:

I know you are angry with me because you believe I said those things about you. The truth of the matter is I defended you against A and B saying these things. They are unlikely to tell you the truth about what happened but C might. I don't want to lose your friendship but I feel that if things are to end this way then you should atleast know the truth.

nenevomito · 23/05/2013 12:51

A and B are not people you want to be friends with and C is a coward. Talk to D and explain that you never said any of those things, that you defended her and C knows it.

Then walk away, head held high.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 23/05/2013 12:51

I'd bin the lot of them - including friend C!

Find other people.

Preferably mature ones!

quoteunquote · 23/05/2013 13:04

New friends is the way to go,

thank goodness you found out now that none of them are worthy of spending any time on,

it would be very foolish to ever waste a single bit of energy on them again.

Shout NEXT at the universes and see what turns up.

DontmindifIdo · 23/05/2013 13:18

I would tell friend D the truth again, even if she doesn't believe it. I would send a message to friend C saying you've done this.

Then I'd de-friend from facebook A, B and C, keep D on there, but put it so you don't see much from her (more keeping door open).

Find new friends, don't be surprised to hear that they've all fallen out again in the future.

HollaAtMeBaby · 23/05/2013 13:58

YANBU but have you got any proof? Eg facebook messages that you could screenshot?

pinkyredrose · 23/05/2013 13:59

Are you all 12?

SauceForTheGander · 23/05/2013 14:03

Three are toxic and one is being lied to. They won't change so it'll all come to a head again at some point.

You're on a hiding to nothing and they aren't your friends. Sorry. It's a shitty feeling being wrongly accused of something and your reputation being slandered.

Hold your head up high, tell D again you didn't say those things. Say nothing to any of them again and chalk it all up to experience. Do not have Facebook contact. What you don't know about their night out etc can't hurt.

quesadilla · 23/05/2013 14:12

They sound pathetic and toxic. Get rid.

Original poster

Lamour · 23/05/2013 15:11

I have tried to talk to friend C about how upset I am feeling but she says she doesn't really want to get involved. Think I might tell friend D the truth though, even if, as some of you have said, it doesn't actually achieve anything except make me feel better!

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/05/2013 15:15

It does achieve something. You will have been the grown-up and hopefully modeled proper behaviour to them. Call D and tell her the truth. I had to dump a whole bunch of friends like this. The two that were least idiotic got phone calls to explain what was happening.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 23/05/2013 16:04

That's a load of bollocks.

She is involved.

She is choosing to support a lie rather than tell the truth.

SoleSource · 23/05/2013 16:12

I feel your pain, i know the feeling.

It will be hard but mive out of their lives, cut all ties, talk about it with others in RL or here.

You are the bigger person.

Tell D or record the others admitting what they did.

TigerSwallowTail · 23/05/2013 16:20

It's a shame that you have lost D's friendship, but to be honest I think you're well rid of these other poisonous people and you should be quite relieved!

DontmindifIdo · 23/05/2013 17:07

It will achieve something telling D the truth - she might not believe it completely, but she's more likely to be on her guard round the others, and it sounds like she needs to be. also, if they start on you (which they probably will) with D around, she might realise this is what htey are like and believe you.

I'd tell C that she is involved in it, because you have told D that C knows the truth, so she has a straight choice between lying to D in order to keep the status quo or telling D the truth. She is involved because she has lied to D.

Then cut them all out of your life (except D, who seems to have been the innocent party in all this, although has got it wrong about who she should be angry at). A, B and C are all the sort of people you'd be best avoiding. If they've been slagging off D to you, they'll be slagging off you too.

It's horrible to realise you've been a bad judge of character, but at least you've found out with minimum upset to yourself - do not talk to C anymore, she's not your friend and will stab you in the back soon as look at you if it will give her a quiet life.

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