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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my father BU or is he right? (weight related)

55 replies

alltoomuchrightnow · 20/05/2013 01:11

Having had a terrible time of it in the last year, and crisis/ bad depression and having to leave job...it's taken me months to slowly start getting back on track and I've lost a lot of confidence. Also I've gone from size 12 -14 to 16-18. It didn't help that I had an active job, and I left it 3.5 months ago. I have underactive thyroid and have been walking a lot and trying t o eat more sensibly but it's not been enough. Doc doubled my anti depressants and I attend counselling once a week. Starting to feel more human but have lost a lot of confidence and been a bit of a hermit. I need to meet new people, socialise and to get fit again. I live by a river and saw a sign to join a group for sailing and canoeing. Never done before but I love the water. Thought i would look into it and get out of my comfort zone and would be a good way to meet people. Mentioned it to parents and my father immediately comes back with, 'no way will any club take you, how much do you weigh now?' Yes, i fully admit i am overweight, 14.5 stone at 5 ft 9. I intend to do something about it and it's not going to change overnight but i can change it within a few months as have done in past. But is he right? Should i wait a few months until i've dropped some weight? But tonight an old workmate posted some photos of her canoeing on facebook, and i know she's at least 3 or 4 stone heavier than me. If he is right, then perhaps this is the kick i need. I don't want the embarrassment of this club rejecting me, my self esteem is low enough.

OP posts:
ThereGoesTheYear · 20/05/2013 01:16

I don't know much about sailing or canoeing, but I have seen LOTS of people on boats/canoes who must be your weight or heavier. Your idea sounds absolutely brilliant. Exercise, fresh air, new social opportunities. , No idea why your dad wants to piss on your chips. Is he generally negative?

Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 20/05/2013 01:21

yes he is, as is my mother. Everything i ever suggest, is poo poohed on.It's been life long. It's probably one of the reasons my self esteem is so low...and i'm in my 40s!! ridiculous i know (i feel embarrassed even writing this) but it's deep rooted. Still subconsciously feeling 12 and wanting their approval! It doesn't matter how wonderful something is (whether a suggestion or actual) they will find a negative. It's really influenced the person i am.. i've been doing some NLP this year to try and change it. I also suggested a complete change of career, to be an air hostess. He came down on me really heavily saying i was too old and too fat. That is absolute bollocks. The european laws have changed all that. He's just so stubborn and set in his ways. My friend is an air hostess in her late 50s, weighs about 20 stone

OP posts:
SoldAtAuction · 20/05/2013 01:21

I canoe and sail, you will be fine at your weight. Canoeing is amazing for core and arms and back! Go for it, have fun, make new friends and leave your dad to chew bitter.

Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 20/05/2013 01:22

yes i am obese..but i carry it well. I'm tall and have good posture. You wouldn't necessarily look at me and think wow she's really obese...most of my friends put me at about 12.5 and were shocked i'd got up to 14.5 .

OP posts:
MumfordandDaughter · 20/05/2013 01:22

Well done you for even considering this (please read this in the un-patronising way it was intended Grin). Over the past few years, i've also turned into a bit of a hermit. I'd never have the balls to join a club like this regardless of what i weighed.

I honestly don't think the club will turn you away, unless you were the weight of an elephant. Go down and regist-oar (sorry) tomorrow. Ignore your dad's negativity. You'll love it and it'll be the first step into the new you.

ellietheelephant1 · 20/05/2013 01:22

Wouldn't you be using the same boats/equipment as the men? I suspect that most of the men using the same equipment would be heavier than you.
I would go for it and think you will be fine. (If they are advertising for new members then they will be extra-pleased to have found someone!)
Also, the better (hmmm) summer weather will make it easier for you to start, instead of leaving it until the cold, rainy autumn!

Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 20/05/2013 01:22

It's not that i'm seeking their approval, i'm 42 for jeff's sake! But it would just be nice to have a bit of support for the first time in my life.

OP posts:
exexpat · 20/05/2013 01:23

If it was competitive rowing (Olympics/Oxbridge style) he might possibly have a point, but would still be unreasonbly rude to mention it.

But if it is a sailing & canoeing club which welcomes beginners, I can't see any reason why weight would be an issue, unless you are so huge you'd get stuck in the canoe... (and at size 16-18 you certainly wouldn't).

Ignore him and go for it - sounds like a great idea.

Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 20/05/2013 01:23

thanks everyone..i will see if they are still taking on new members...

OP posts:
SomethingOnce · 20/05/2013 01:27

I too know nothing about these sports but I think your father is talking rubbish.

If you wanted to check, for reassurance, you could email and ask, I suppose.

Sounds like fun - do it and enjoy! Envy as not close to facilities for such things.

Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 20/05/2013 01:28

thanks, these replies have given me the boost i've needed. I'm topheavy really. most of the weight is boobs and tum. ( i cant lose it from boobs though, never have) I have long quite slim legs, short chunky body but i don't look overly huge , just that i need to lose a couple of stone (though in reality its more like 4 )

OP posts:
Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 20/05/2013 01:29

This is not my hometown, i'm very lonely and have been rubbish at making friends and that is a part of the depression and how things went wrong in my life. i am lucky enough to live right by the thames. so i should take advantage of that.

OP posts:
SomethingOnce · 20/05/2013 01:31

Presumably the non-central London Thames?

Original poster
alltoomuchrightnow · 20/05/2013 01:32

Kingston area

OP posts:
SomethingOnce · 20/05/2013 01:43

Ah, upstream. I didn't fancy the look of the central London stretch the last time I peered at it!

I'm a similar height but the other way round, distribution-wise. Small of boob with a big be-hind and thighs. I'd love bigger boobs and slimmer legs... I'd settle for smaller boobs and less rump if I could shift this pesky stone and a half that's crept up on me Smile

AngsanaTree · 20/05/2013 01:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mezza123 · 20/05/2013 01:54

Surely a sailing club wouldn't turn u down on basis of being overweight? That would be crazy! U would just have to properly weighted with your boat companions! I used to sail on the Thames, loved it, and hope to go back this summer as new baby is sleeping well in evenings. It's excellent for feeling good as well as fitness, go for it!

NatashaBee · 20/05/2013 01:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarecrow22 · 20/05/2013 01:56

hi, you are absolutely not too heavy, and your height and fabulous long legs would make you especially welcome as crew in some sailing fungus Smile
as well as the social aspect being on water and surrounded by greenery should help your mood too

Do you have DC? if so what ages?

(I'm also 42 and take ADs - fortunately they now work, and love the river - so relate to your story)

scarecrow22 · 20/05/2013 02:04

crimes, sailing ^dingies^, not fungus Blush Smile

SomethingOnce · 20/05/2013 02:07

I assumed that was some sort of sailing talk!

Mimishimi · 20/05/2013 02:35

At 5'9", you're only just on the obesity borderline with regards to BMI. I don't think your father knows what he is talking about frankly. I tried out for university rowing but didn't make it because I a) wasn't tall enough at 5'4" because they preferred all the girls to be aound your height and b) I wasn't hefty enough to even lift the oar well.You need quite abit of strength. I got accepted for the sailing club instead because it was handy to send me darting under the boom all the time to fix the ropes . Ouch. Just go and see what they say. Don't let your dad's put-downs get you down - it seems to be a very Anglo trait and it has horrible effects on their kids and family relationships (at the same time, cultures of excessive praise and thinking the sun shines out of your kids proverbials can also be problematic though Grin).

Thumbwitch · 20/05/2013 03:29

Your father is definitely being U, rude and unsupportive. Tell him to stick his "advice" where the sun doesn't shine and go ahead and see if you can get into the clubs. As another point, Rowing clubs would also be happy to take you, and it's very good for fitness too, even better than sailing. :)

Dontlikeshouting · 20/05/2013 04:58

Go and enjoy yourself on the river, and two fingers to your pa!

Lovelygoldboots · 20/05/2013 07:01

I went kayaking last year at 13.5 stone and really really enjoyed it. Great to have a new experience. I am 42 as well so no spring chicken Grin. Have fun!

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