Is my father BU or is he right? (weight related)

[alltoomuchrightnow]

Having had a terrible time of it in the last year, and crisis/ bad depression and having to leave job...it's taken me months to slowly start getting back on track and I've lost a lot of confidence. Also I've gone from size 12 -14 to 16-18. It didn't help that I had an active job, and I left it 3.5 months ago. I have underactive thyroid and have been walking a lot and trying t o eat more sensibly but it's not been enough. Doc doubled my anti depressants and I attend counselling once a week. Starting to feel more human but have lost a lot of confidence and been a bit of a hermit. I need to meet new people, socialise and to get fit again. I live by a river and saw a sign to join a group for sailing and canoeing. Never done before but I love the water. Thought i would look into it and get out of my comfort zone and would be a good way to meet people. Mentioned it to parents and my father immediately comes back with, 'no way will any club take you, how much do you weigh now?' Yes, i fully admit i am overweight, 14.5 stone at 5 ft 9. I intend to do something about it and it's not going to change overnight but i can change it within a few months as have done in past. But is he right? Should i wait a few months until i've dropped some weight? But tonight an old workmate posted some photos of her canoeing on facebook, and i know she's at least 3 or 4 stone heavier than me. If he is right, then perhaps this is the kick i need. I don't want the embarrassment of this club rejecting me, my self esteem is low enough.

[alltoomuchrightnow]

He also moans when i diet or am underweight (as i often have been) i'm never going to win and they will never agree with anything about me. The thing is, they don't realise how it sounds. They don't say these things to be mean. It's about them 'showing they care' apparently. I'm a grown woman, stepmum to a teen, practically middle aged though don't act it and hopefully don't look it (i'm told not) yet they still bloody influence me so much, in that i take it all to heart. I tell myself to get a grip..sometimes i hear their voices in my head ..that critical parental tone. It's pathetic. And yes i know i am lucky to have them both alive..I realise that. And for them to be fit and healthy.

[xylem8]

It's no wonder you have low self esteem with a father like that!

[carabos]

My DF is an expert in canoes and kayaks - still teaching that and sailing at 70. He is a big guy, always has been - very handy rugby no. 8 in his day. He's over 6 ft and these days weighs in easily at about 17st. I haven't seen him sink yet!

[Darkesteyes]

Do you know why he moans whether you diet/underweight/bigger whatever? Its because he needs someone he can feel superior to.

My mum can be like this. In the past shes said "lose some weight you look horrible"
When i lost ten stone just over ten years ago she didnt really acknowledge it But after id slimmed down she would regale me with stories of how so and so has lost 2 stone/5 stone etc.
Me- Erm mum ive lost ten of those.

But no all she kept saying was "mind you dont put it all back on again" constantly on repeat.
So OP i totally understand yr frustration

[CottonWoolWrapper]

OP my DF is generally lovely but when I was pregnant with DS he told me I was fat. It was true. After DS came out I was 14 stone so had a lot to lose. My response was to say, "Dad I could say you are looking really old and wrinkled today. It would be true but unkind so I wouldn't dream of mentioning it. If I wanted your opinion on my weight I would have asked you for it". He said he was sorry and has never commented on my weight since.

Don't be afraid to be assertive with your father if he is rude to you. Best of luck with the rowing.