Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To want DP to go with me to this wedding?

23 replies

Wouldntyouliketoknow · 19/05/2013 22:09

A friend of mine from uni is getting married in the summer. We're not particularly close, but still, it'll be nice and I would like to go. I will only know 2 others at the wedding from my uni course, but again, we're not particularly close.

DP is invited as well, although he's never met my friend (the bride) or the groom. He doesn't want to go. We don't have a car, so I'll be getting the train up on Saturday morning (about 2 hours), and then probably leaving late Saturday evening after the party.

I can understand why he doesn't want to go, considering he won't know anyone, but AIBU to think that he should accompany me as he is my boyfriend? If the situation were reversed I would go for him. Surely there are some things in life you do for the sake of your partner, even if you don't necessarily want to?

OP posts:

McNewPants2013 · 19/05/2013 22:14

Can you get a hotel or B&B, because I would hate to think of someone alone late at night coming home.

squeakytoy · 19/05/2013 22:15

Take a friend with you.

HappyGirlNow · 19/05/2013 22:15

YANBU, but he is! Of course he should go as your partner. And he will know someone - you!

contortionist · 19/05/2013 22:16

YABU. Go on your own, and stay over rather than get the last train home.

LindyHemming · 19/05/2013 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FJL203 · 19/05/2013 22:20

YABU. One of the beauties of being an adult is not doing pointless, irrelevant, uninteresting and unessential things you don't want to.

Sure there are some things in life you do for the sake of your partner even if you don't necessarily want to. Going to a wedding of complete strangers is not one of them.

Original poster

Wouldntyouliketoknow · 19/05/2013 22:24

Didn't really want to stay over as I can't really afford it. I wouldn't be unhappy going alone - if he doesn't come I will go anyway - but I guess I'm just frustrated at our differing views! As I said, if the situation was reversed I would go for him.

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 19/05/2013 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FredFredGeorge · 19/05/2013 23:18

Surely one of the things you "do" for your partner is not ask them to go to social occasions which they don't want to go to.

Asking them to take you to hospital for an operation, or support you at a funeral of a close friend, yep! A social occasion, nope, if you really need your partner there, why are you going?

Numberlock · 19/05/2013 23:21

Is it the issue of having to explain to folk why he's not there that bothers you?

goodasgold · 19/05/2013 23:26

Actually I would be pretty fucked off if my dh wouldn't go to the wedding celebration of a friend of mine. I don't need him to go, I could have a brilliant time with my friends, but I like him to be there. He likes me to go to weddings with him too. We always have a nice time.

Picturepuncture · 19/05/2013 23:30

No, yanbu, I'd be hurt too.

LemonPeculiarJones · 19/05/2013 23:34

I imagine if it was his friend's wedding and he wanted you to go you wouldn't dream of saying no?

He sounds obstinate and selfish.

Lj8893 · 19/05/2013 23:44

I'm really surprised at people saying YABU!!!

Part of being in a relationship is to do the occasional thing for/with your partner that you may not particularly want to do.

Be that going to the in laws for Sunday lunch, going to watch a film at the cinema that you have no interest in seeing, going out for thier friends birthday with a bunch of people that you may or may not know or get on with, going to a family or friend christening and going to a friends wedding weather you know people there or not.

I would be very upset (and shocked) if my partner didn't come to a wedding with me. I say shocked because he would (weather he wanted to or not, he has said many a time that he has no interest in weddings at all!!!) and I would do the same for him!

BackforGood · 19/05/2013 23:47

I do think that once you are an "established couple" then it is something you do for each other - don't know how longstanding your relationship is OP?
I was really cross that my dh had arranged to be elsewhere when we were invited to a wedding last year (and had known the date for months). Ultimately it is a small annoyance in the scheme of things, but I think there comes a time when you should "man up" and accompany each other to the odd "do" you might not particularly want to go to.
So no, IMO YANBU.... and I say that as someone who quite often goes places without her dh.

BarredfromhavingStella · 19/05/2013 23:48

Yanbu, but just take a friend & get pissed-loads more fun.

WafflyVersatile · 20/05/2013 00:06

Well when you're in a couple you compromise on some things but you're still your own individual person with things you will not compromise on sometimes. You don't always get a straight swap.

What if he started a thread saying, ''Even though she doesn't like being shagged up the arse she should let me because I'd let her shag me up the arse if she wanted to''.

Lj8893 · 20/05/2013 00:22

Hmm I don't think you can really compare going to a wedding with anal sex.

Weddings arnt illegal in several countries. And don't pose any serious health risks.

paradiseonearth · 20/05/2013 00:33

I'd much rather take it up the arse than go to some random person's wedding.

Picturepuncture · 20/05/2013 00:47

^^ and that is the best example of ridiculous MN posturing I've ever seen. Hilarious

WafflyVersatile · 20/05/2013 01:34

Everyone has a line they won't cross. For some it's anal sex, for paradiseonearth it's random weddings.

And I think when someone called paradiseonearth endorses anal sex it's worth giving it a go.

Also the relative number of threads on MN testify that weddings pose more serious health risks than anal sex!

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 20/05/2013 08:29

We all know weddings are the most fabulous MN topic because they bring out some of the most rabid responses of all - both positive and negative!

I like a good wedding but have to say that the idea of a wedding where I knew absolutely no one except my partner would not be my idea of a good time. For people who perhaps aren't terribly social, or aren't good at mixing with new people until they know them a bit better having met them a few times, they can be absolute purgatory.

I get where he is coming from totally. And while I agree there are times when you put your own thoughts aside for a partner, I'm not as sure as some posters are that this is one of them. If the bride was a relative, I suspect he'd go. If the bride was a close friend of yours and he would know both her and perhaps some other friends, I suspect he'd go. But even you admit you're not particularly close.

I'd go off, treat it as a bit of a uni reunion with the other 2 people from your uni course (that you are also not particularly close to) and not sweat it.

Original poster

Wouldntyouliketoknow · 20/05/2013 09:03

Thanks for responses. And at comparison to anal sex.

The thing is, if he was quite introverted or socially awkward then obviously this would be a painful thing for him to have to do. But he's not! In situations like parties he chats to people we don't know and enjoys it, and his job involves lots of networking/mixing. So I know once we get there he'd be absolutely fine.

We've been together 3 years.

But yes, I'm happy to go alone and catch up with the others from uni etc.

OP posts:

Flip