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To think that just because I'm pro-life doesn't mean I hate feminism?

812 replies

TinkerSailerSoldierSpy · 18/05/2013 12:38

Friend and I were having a discussion, I'm 18 weeks pregnant, and it was a bit of an inconvenient surprise, considering I've started a new job just 2 months ago.I mentioned that it wasn't going to look good, me taking maternity leave after not even being there for a year, and she suggested perhaps considering there was no dad on the scene and my new job, I should terminate. I felt a bit uncomfortable but told her that I could never do that as I'm pro life and view it as killing a child. She then proceeded to stare at me like I had an extra head and ask me why in a shocked voice. I explained my reasons and views and we got into an arguement about it, the usual stuff, what about in cases of rape and if the woman's not financially able to support the child, to which I countered but is it right for a woman to get an abortion just because she wants to continue a party lifestyle? And she stormed out the house shouting that I was misogynistic and women have the right to their own bodies. Let me be clear, I certainly would never stop anyone from making their decision about an abortion, I just can't seem to get over the idea of it, it repulses me. But I wouldn't judge a woman who got one. I understand the other viewpoint but I can't agree with it myself, and in all other respects I would say i was very liberal about womans rights. When I mentioned it to other friend she said it was my views but they were quite outdated and misogynistic. Are they? I need advice, should I apologize to friend A?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/05/2013 14:02

I'd like to know if barebranches sits and makes financial predictions for the next 18 years...checks the housing market and predicted inflation/interest rates... before deciding whether to have sex or not.

How romantic Grin

barebranches · 18/05/2013 14:03

im sorry if i upset any one... this is an emotional topic for me and i usually dont comment on threads like these...

im going now and ill be hiding this thread. im not a loony.

ComposHat · 18/05/2013 14:03

Or if the markets are looking iffy - opts for entry via the tradesman's entrance.

StuffezLaYoni · 18/05/2013 14:04

It's an emotional topic for people who have had terminations too but that didn't stop you wading in with your inane generalised statements.

WorraLiberty · 18/05/2013 14:06

Compo where's a 'like' button when you need one? Blush

bare I don't think you're a loony but some of your comments are breathtakingly closed mined.

Particularly if you think the only reason people have sex is to make babies.

Sex is a pleasurable experience and the days of women going to bed with their nighties buttoned up to their chins, are thankfully long gone.

WorraLiberty · 18/05/2013 14:06

*minded

pinkyredrose · 18/05/2013 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 18/05/2013 14:08

bare It's an emotional topic for me too, having been in the position where I was convinced to have an abortion when I didn't want one for a pregnancy that I didn't even consent to having sex with the person in the first place.

Still an emotional subject as I am pregnant with DC2 (true contraception failure and I am disabled) and I decided to keep it as yet again I could not go through with an abortion, however in both of these situations I might have been/be willing to stick it out and try but it has been bloody hard so far, I was put on anti depressants this pg as I have times where I cannot stop crying and have felt suicidal.

I chose to go through with this but if someone else was in the same position an abortion may be a safer option all round and it should be their right to choose.

The only reason I have posted on this thread is because of the vitriol you have posted.

It is possible to be against something but still allow others to choose what they do with their own life.

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 18/05/2013 14:10

Even if they are not in that position, they should still be able to choose.

Should have made that clear.

KitchenandJumble · 18/05/2013 14:18

I completely support the right to choose. Every woman should have autonomy over her own body. If you want to restrict this, then I think your views are incompatible with feminism.

I honestly don't know whether I personally would ever choose to have a termination. It would depend on so many variables. But I certainly wouldn't presume to dictate to anyone else what choice she should make.

Tooearlyintheday · 18/05/2013 14:21

I believe there are very few people who are really completely pro-choice or pro-life. Very few people believe abortions should be offered at 40 weeks gestation and very few people believe a 12 year old rape victim shouldn't be offered the morning after pill or an early term abortion. The greyness of the debate is what makes it so emotive. Personally my religion tells me life begins at conception, I believe this therefore abortion is not an option I would consider. But that is a religious/moral decision based on my personal belief system. How other women choose to manage their own affairs and what decisions they make with their own bodies is entirely up to them.

alienbanana · 18/05/2013 14:31

" *I am pro-choice. Vehemently. I am also a feminist.

Could I choose an abortion for myself? Almost certainly not.

The personal choices I would make have no impact on my utter conviction that, as a political opinion, safe legal abortion must be available to safeguard the freedom of women.

So I do struggle with the idea of a pro-life (or forced birth, to put a similarly strong anti-spin on the position as their preferred language) feminist.* "

This. Exactly this.
I'd never have an abortion - that's my own personal choice.
I believe very very strongly that it should be a choice.

You can decide that its not right for you and still be pro choice you know

Perihelion · 18/05/2013 14:32

I'm adopted....I'm pro choice.

Wuldric · 18/05/2013 14:36

Repulsive

Is this thread genuine? I just wonder because it is phrased in terms of the argument with the 'friend' rather than anything else more personal. Which is possible but not likely in the context of an unexpected pregnancy.

NotYoMomma · 18/05/2013 14:36

Im adopted too and pro choice

my biological mother was catholic and pushed into adoption - social services kept me in the system for a few additional months because of tge huge pressure shr was under.

I feel very sad for her

HairyLittleCarrot · 18/05/2013 15:12

let's call a spade a spade.
the debate isn't "pro-choice vs pro-life"
it's "pro-choice vs anti-choice"

I do wish those opposed to other women's rights had the courage to define themselves correctly.

SolidGoldBrass · 18/05/2013 15:23

I can't be arsed to type it all out again but I am 100% pro choice and have no patience with people who are not. If you believe other women's access to safe abortion should be restricted in any way or for any reason then I rather despise you.

Just this, really.

notbotheredreally · 18/05/2013 15:28

ComposHat that was funny :)

squoosh · 18/05/2013 15:30

Couldn't agree more HairyLittleCarrot.

It isn't pro life, it's anti choice.

Bogeyface · 18/05/2013 16:22

I have never understood it when women say "I am pro-life but I would never judge someone else for choosing to terminate". But thats exactly what being pro-life is! Being pro-life means that there is never a circumstance under which you believe that abortion is acceptable and judging those who do choose it.

The OP is pro-choice but in her current pregnancy she has chosen not to abort, that is totally different.

Incidentally, its easy to be pro-life until the day you find out you are carrying a child that you cannot provide for either emotionally, physically or financially. As I learnt at the age of 19 after being a snotty religious pro-lifer during my teens. Thats why I am not at all surprised that many of the most fierce pro-lifers are men, they have not and will not ever be in a position like that simply by virtue of being able to walk away.

EglantinePrice · 18/05/2013 16:30

I am pro life.

Being 'pro-choice' means saying that its ok to have a termination at 39 weeks because you've changed your mind. Or having a termination at 20 weeks because its a girl. (If you really believe in womens autonomy)

Nevertheless, I'm a feminist so believe that abortion should be legal - just that no one should ever choose it.

Clearly pro-choice isn't allowed on mumsnet today so I might just leave now...

Ashoething · 18/05/2013 16:34

You despise other women merely because they have a different view point to you sgb?-how open minded.

ComposHat · 18/05/2013 16:40

Clearly pro-choice isn't allowed on mumsnet today so I might just leave now...

I assume that you mean pro-life (rather than pro choice). But to answer your question I believe abortion should be legal whatever the motivation up to the point that independent life can be sustained.

Don't be ridiculous there are all shades of opinion being expressed on this thread, of course you are allowed to be anti abortion just as I am allowed to be pro abortion rights.

If you get the hump because someone disagree with uou feel free to flounce.

EglantinePrice · 18/05/2013 16:49

When you say 'independent life can be sustained' when do you mean? Do you have a personal number of weeks gestation you think should be the cut off?

ComposHat · 18/05/2013 16:55

That the foetus could survive independently of the mother without artificial support.