to demand a child is excluded from school?

[Tubemole1]

I will try and keep this as brief as poss. My daughter is in Y1 and one of her classmates, a boy, often harrasses her. She has been pinched and hair pulled during carpet time and put in a headlock during playtime. I have asked for this boy to stay away from my daughter and her teacher has made efforts to do so.

Today, the same boy attacked four girls. He bit one on the neck and drew blood. Another girl was bitten on the arm five times, no blood. My daughter was attacked as well but she managed to escape with no injury. Obviously my fellow mums and I are outraged. Nothing was done to discipline the boy, so he can't grasp the enormity of the fallout of his actions. My daughter, certainly, was left shaken, trying to make sense if it. This boy has a fascination with vampires, but we all wonder what has he seen to act this way?

I am all for complaining to the school, but dh wants our daughter to just kick him in the balls if he tries again. What message will that give, when she has to fight back to survive?

My daughter is a toughie, and can defend herself, but she bottles up her true feelings. The teacher doesn't see that she's upset, because she only lets it go when she's home, and we have a blubbering child needing our care and understanding. Is it unreasonable to ask the school makes sure our kids are safe thru the day, and this boy is either excluded, or has some sort of intervention?

ILoveJudgeJudy: "You cannot insist on any punishment. You can insist on your DC being kept safe."

I agree with this. A parent can't just demand that a child is excluded. It's entirely reasonable to ask for a guarantee that the school is doing everything it can to safeguard other children, though.

I don't entirely agree with your point about the other parents. Of course they don't need to go "en masse". However, they can all sign a letter together, which will demonstrate that it's not just one difficult parent making an unnecessary fuss. And I would always always put something like this in writing so the head can't pretend it hasn't happened or try to rewrite history.

there is suspected SN,

they waited a while before talking to me, because he had been content mellow for while doing really well, and then it started tenfold was more concerning.
like an overnight change.
BUT a member of staff who I don't usually get feedback from took me to one side and said 'I want you to know its not just DS some of them do provoke him because they know how he reacts'.
It was a relief but also
That some antagonists are potentially getting off scot free, and I have noticed bruising.
I wonder how many of those kids mothers are sat at home thinking poor dc being assaulted by DS! with heads firmly in the sand.

We used to call it bear-baiting, it happened frequently to my DS in primary.
He never started a fight, his aggression was always a response.

I wouldn't sign a letter with other parents, who knows what their children said, did, you just deal with your child. Do what marriedinwhite said, make an appointment, don't get cross, just very business-like about it, go in, and discuss this and ask for the action plan. If not satisfied, make it clear you will escalate to the governor, write/enclose bullying policy in letter.

Just be very clear that your child needs to be safe in school and that is something they have to ensure.

And- kicking is not very likely to deter this boy if he's that aggressive, is it?

This thread is total insanity. I can only suppose that you have not got older children. You are over-reacting hugely. I have three points to make.

1. I don't like the gang mentality. Neither will the school tbh. You have yourself admitted that your daughter 'escaped with no injury'. Which translates as, was not hurt. If other people's children have been hurt, then the action is up to them to take. Your child was not hurt.

1. These things pass. They do honestly. I was horrified when DS came home bloody and bruised from an encounter with a boy I thought was a thug. The boy in question had suspected SEN. Three years on, those two boys are the very best of friends. Develop a sense of scale and proportion.

1. Let your daughter be the judge of how to handle this. I know it's scarey, but she probably does know how to deal with this. DS just punched the boy who hurt him. It worked, it's fine.

Wind your neck in and stop being a pain in the arse to the school, your daughter and the boy in question.

By all means, express your concern to the HT that your DD isn't being listened to, when she complains of being hurt by this boy.

But, you have no idea how he was really dealt with - if he was dealt with properly, it most likely was not a public flogging. And, you have no right to demand that he is excluded. That is just ridiculous.

This school does not seem to be handling this situation. You are entitled to protect your child from attack. And if the school won't then send a letter to the local authority saying you are not satisfied with the level of protection your child is getting from the school and what do they intend to do about it to prevent a child being injured. And a copy to your MP and Ofsted. You don't have the right to dictate what happens to another child but you do, in my opinion, have a right and duty to protect your own child as a parent.

Involving the HT, the governors, the LEA and your local MP over a primary school spat?

You are totally insane. Really, just get a sense of proportion.

Hear hear Wuldric, it's hysterical PFB type behaviour like that which means I'll never be a teacher or indeed rest easy while my son is at school.
FFS, some people need to get a grip.

Primary School Spat? Hardly.

The OP should go in calmly to the HT and ask what can be done to make things safe for all children (including this little boy).

I wouldn't be discussing it with all the other parents. That way witch hunts start.

When you get your answer from the HT, then take it from there. And ask for the school's safeguarding policy too.

Its sad that so many adults are willing to give up on a five year old child and encourage more violence in return.

I don't think it is an over-reaction. If this sort of behaviour is not taken extremely seriously and absolutely and firmly nipped in the bud at the youngest age then a culture of bullying will flourish. Children should not be hurt and terrorised by other children and their lives made a misery.

And just to add that also goes for the children that do the antagonising as this does happen too. The school should be dealing with it.

Odd to suggest a child up the ante with a violent child. Violent children are likely to be quite skilled at violent escalation. So the Op's DD kicks him, he becomes uncontrollably violent in response and hurts her quite badly. Who's won then? And has any valuable point been made?

Have you read the whole thread VivienneMary??

Yes, GoblinGranny BearBaiting is exactly the word.

I disagree with your dh about kicking him in the balls.

Whacking him on the head with a blunt instrument would be more effective.

But as others have said, you get your child to hit back, and the response then causes major damage to your child. Do you really want that?

Have calmed down a bit, and spoken to other mums.

The child whose neck was bitten...her mum is making a formal complaint to the Dep Head. Her concern was when she picked up her child she challenged the teacher about it who seemed so blase about the affair. She's also annoyed that other parents of injured kids were not informed at all.

Other parents are annoyed but are not making complaints to headteachers, rather having informal chats with the blase class teacher

The biter has been harassing my child for months now and she really only goes to school because her friends who also get picked on, stick together and attempt to get rid of him. They are often accused of telling tales or making trouble for the boy. If it wasn't for them being a great team, my daughter would probably want to stay at home.

I have made a formal complaint from the standpoint of child health and safety and the stress of the boy constantly harassing my girl. I also think, when my child tells a teacher she is being picked on, she is being told just to stay away but this kid won't quit. I am concerned, therefore, that when a child is fearful, their fears are not being addressed. In my lefty hippy opinion EVERY child has a voice and needs to be listened to. I have asked for an intervention and keep me informed of what action is taken. The teacher needs more training, for a start, IMHO.

So there's my update, we'll see how the dep head responds.

In my lefty hippy opinion EVERY child has a voice and needs to be listened to.

Absolutely!

Every child also needs to feel safe and secure in school in order to be able to learn so it is in the school's interests to deal with this properly.

I think you've taken a very reasonable course of action. I hope the teacher will no realise the importance of addressing the situation properly for the benefit of all the children involved.

Woah he drew blood? That is a serious assault, there was a similar attack (by adults) in a city where I lived. The victim almost died, not due to the severity of the bites, but because the human mouth is far more germ filled than most animals and he contracted blood poisoning. The school has to take this seriously, and the girls must be monitored, symptoms can take a while to develop. This is not a minor event, it could be life threatening. Apologies for not having any actual advice and only really making the situation seem even scarier, but I am amazed by how few people know how dangerous a humans bite can be.

Update again!

My email has been acted on. The child's parents have been called in to see the KS1 leader and the class teacher. I was invited to see them tomorrow, but I'm working, so I'm sending my husband instead. He'll sort it out.

So our complaints have been listened to and things are moving forward .

Oh good, now maybe this young lad might get the help he needs and your dd and her 'team' gang can merrily carry on, unhurt of course. Little girls can be a bit more sophisticated sneaky than boys at this age I find and there probably was something in the claims of provocation at least some of the time. Has any one had a friendly chat with the "biter's" parents yet as there seems to be a lot of chatting gossiping about them. Or maybe they haven't been picked to play on the 'team' yet. I am having a bit of a giggle thinking about your dh going in to the meeting with his bollock-kicking suggestions and suddenly the school's spotlight is cast on you and your dd in a different way, ifyswim.