I have used everything. Bribery, naughty step, counting, quiet but firm voice, shouting, grounding, withdrawing privileges, ignoring, killing with kindness, love bombing, strict routines, consistent responses, clear boundaries, locking in rooms crying. I am devastated to admit that I have even resorted to smacking once.
I work in Children's services, I know all about attachment, additional needs, I know about parenting capacity, I know about parental response conditioning child behaviours. I may know this. I can not, however, get my 3 dc's to behave. DS1 has just railroaded and manipulated me as he always does when my parents are here. DS2 refused to leave the park without being dragged out. Toddler DD will not stop tan trumming and asking for food and drink. They are 10, 5 and 2 years. Punishment just does not work. Do I just explain that what they have done is wrong and stop with the ineffectual sanctions, just communicate their bad behaviour verbally? Society only uses 'punishment' techniques for adults who do something very wrong e.g breaking the law. Should I just go with this? If they do something law breaking only punish them then? I know even typing that it is a ridiculous idea. Things are so bad that I no longer have any confidence in my mothering. I need a bunch of strangers on the internet to say either 'yes just communicating will work' or 'don't be ridiculous, children need tangible consequences you must be doing it wrong'. I am crap.