To expect Best Man to wear suit, shirt with collar and tie??!!

[frissonpink]

I'm blaming MIL

Basically, DH to be and I are 25. DH has an older brother and a younger one, but would like younger one (18yrs)to be 'Best Man.'

To all intents and purposes, he really won't be, as he doesn't want to do a speech, wants to hang out with his GF and 'not sit with the adults' etc. (don't ask) BUT he will be the ring bearer.

So basically, as far as we're concerned, he's the ring bearer. DH has got his best mate (in his 30's) to do 'Best Man' duties - speech etc, and we're all happy with that (including younger brother who heaved a sigh of relief when offered that) and DH to be who admits that younger brother really not up to job!

Anyway, MIL keeps referring to her youngest as the "Best Man' Fine, call him what you want I thought...

However, it now transpires that she didn't buy him a navy suit (to tie in with groom and wedding party) because 'he didn't want one and you know what teenagers are like' and now she's gone and bought him a collarless shirt to wear for the wedding because 'that's what he wanted'

Erm. He's supposed to be in navy with a purple coloured tie.

WTAF?!

Seriously though! What do you suggest?! He will look ridiculous next to groom, actual best man, my brother, my dad etc etc.

I'm really annoyed with MIL too (who I don't particularly get on with, so I'm thinking she's encouraging this on purpose)

A wedding is not the time to be trendy etc.imo. I might add, we offered to pay for suit, tie etc so it's not that I'm expecting them to put hands in pockets.

We would just like him to look smart on the day and not like a knob.

AIBU?

I'm not sure where this 'all the men in the wedding party have to wear matching outfits' came from. It seems a bit strange to me.

However, he is being an arse over what is a very simple thing he could do for you. Why don't you talk to him directly and say you'd really appreciate it if he could do this for you?

So he's got a suit & collarless shirt to wear?

That's OK for a guest, isn't it?

Although I'd expect more of an effort from the brother of the groom, I think, whether best man or not.

Make sure there are various group photos of the wedding party with only the coordinating men, and the 18 year old can be in photos with lots of other guests. He'll probably only pull a glum face, or make V signs behind others' heads if he's in too many photos anyway.

aqua taffeta, anyone? Anyone?

What about mustard colored chiffon (and I have a sallow complexion) with big puffy sleeves trimmed in croched daisies? (well, it was the 80s)

But I loved them both and was very honored to be asked to be a bridesmaid, so I wore it. (Not to suggest that the OP's request is anywhere close to mustard chiffon territory)

Your expectations are very reasonable, OP.

He's being very silly. Weddings are, sometimes, laid back do what you want affairs. Weddings are also, sometimes, more formal and traditional affairs. Go with the general vibe of the wedding.

I dress in what would be called an 'alternative' style. When invited to traditional weddings, I ditch the more out there aspects of my style and dress as conservatively (or not) as the hosts wish. It does not kill me to throw on a LBD or suit and some heels instead of band t-shirts and jeans. Your brother in law to be can extend the same courtesy. He's 18 not 8.

LaQueen, you win, no contest!

Flowerpot shiny dress? Oooh. Sounds gorgeous ;)

and you have photos to prove this?

ahhhh. Update - my mum is going to ring MIL and just be direct. Pointless speaking to BIL to be cos he's clearly a childish arse . MIL is a loon but if she decides to ignore bride's mum, she'll look like a right cow!

YANBU.

I would have a word and simply say if he wants to be a guest only, that's fine, but if he wants to be part of the wedding party he has to act like a grown up and wear a suit like everyone else.

You're going to have a hell of a time with MIL when you have a child....

We have a child...

and it is a bloody nightmare !

YANBU. There's always some politics at weddings isn't there. In our case it was my interfering Aunt trying to tell us who should be invited, and what i should be wearing (not too revealing - i dont do revealing so i dunno why she was going on about it), despite her own daughter wearing a dress several years later which was nearly falling off her, exposing her huge chest.
Anyway, 18 year old BIL not really a best man is he. Can totally see where you are coming from. This is YOUR day not MIL's day. She's starting a power struggle with you already. You could say he's an 'usher' and give him very minimal duties or no duties. Better than completely demoting him. Although you have absolute right to demote him. It just avoids the earache. No one else will realise that he is an 'usher' cos he will be glued to his gfriend probably in his unmatching attire. But when it comes to photos of the grooms party, get photo with him and then state to the photographer that you'd also like one with your hubby and his matching attire dudes. You can then stick that one in your wedding album.

OP - are you footing the bill for the outfit though? That's the bit that decides if you get to say what he wears. It's hard to take the moral high ground that it has to be a navy suit if you aren't paying for it.

(Le Queen - I really, really hope the bride didn't expect you to pay for said rust coloured shiny sheppardess dress!)

i think OP said she offered to pay for it

LaQueen - you poor woman. Have you considered counselling?

Don'tmind BIL to be didn't have a suit...he needed one for interviews etc, so I'd asked MIL would she mind getting him a navy one then as it could do for wedding too. I'd say we'd pay originally but she said, no he needs one anyway.

But given he didn't have one, and it doesn't matter what colour you wear for an interview, you'd have thought she'd have just got him a navy one?

We have bought ties. Not shirts because it's just to wear a white shirt, and surely that's a pretty standard item of clothing ppl have? (or will need)