Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect Best Man to wear suit, shirt with collar and tie??!!

92 replies

frissonpink · 16/05/2013 11:23

I'm blaming MIL Wink

Basically, DH to be and I are 25. DH has an older brother and a younger one, but would like younger one (18yrs)to be 'Best Man.'

To all intents and purposes, he really won't be, as he doesn't want to do a speech, wants to hang out with his GF and 'not sit with the adults' etc. (don't ask) BUT he will be the ring bearer.

So basically, as far as we're concerned, he's the ring bearer. DH has got his best mate (in his 30's) to do 'Best Man' duties - speech etc, and we're all happy with that (including younger brother who heaved a sigh of relief when offered that) and DH to be who admits that younger brother really not up to job!

Anyway, MIL keeps referring to her youngest as the "Best Man' Fine, call him what you want I thought...

However, it now transpires that she didn't buy him a navy suit (to tie in with groom and wedding party) because 'he didn't want one and you know what teenagers are like' and now she's gone and bought him a collarless shirt to wear for the wedding because 'that's what he wanted'

Erm. He's supposed to be in navy with a purple coloured tie.

WTAF?!

Grin

Seriously though! What do you suggest?! He will look ridiculous next to groom, actual best man, my brother, my dad etc etc.

I'm really annoyed with MIL too (who I don't particularly get on with, so I'm thinking she's encouraging this on purpose)

A wedding is not the time to be trendy etc.imo. I might add, we offered to pay for suit, tie etc so it's not that I'm expecting them to put hands in pockets.

We would just like him to look smart on the day and not like a knob.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 16/05/2013 12:02

Oh god leave the brat to it and get a proper best man.

All this faffing and pandering is pathetic and ridiculous.

diddl · 16/05/2013 12:04

"It wasn't on sayso of husband to be, I was trying to be nice."-phew!!

Well, I think that he's either part of the wedding party & therefore wearing what he's told, or he's a guest who wears what he wants.

Which at 18 should be a suit, shouldn't it-especially as he's the groom's brother?

WestieMamma · 16/05/2013 12:09

My Dad looked very smart in my wedding photos. Despite being severely disabled, mum and his carers managed to get him into a proper suit. The smartness was kind of ruined though by all his essential supplies hanging off his wheelchair in Asda carrier bags. My mum looked like a well dressed bag lady pushing him down the aisle :o

EasilyBored · 16/05/2013 12:10

To be honest I think any grown man (and at 18 he should be one) who doesn't wear a tie to a wedding is acting a bit twatish. FFS, it's a tie. IT's one day, he can suck it up an put on his big boy knickers.

WilsonFrickett · 16/05/2013 12:13

Oh Westie my DM is the queen of the carrier bags and she doesn't have any excuse! Graduation photo - DM with an Asda bag. First photos with newborn DS - Boots bag casually slung over the bag of the chair. She has an obsession with handbags too, so there's always a beautiful inheritance on one hand, and a scuzzy poly bag on the other!

AThingInYourLife · 16/05/2013 12:15

Westie - you'd think they'd have got some Waitrose bags for the day that was in it :o

That is really lovely that he looked so smart on your wedding day :)

Original poster
frissonpink · 16/05/2013 12:18

knickerbockers - genius Grin

OP posts:
allmycats · 16/05/2013 12:18

Very simple - kick him up the arse and tell him to grow up.
As part of the formal wedding party he wears the same as the others or
he wear what he likes and is a 'normal guest'.
It is your day don't let anyone spoil it for you

KurriKurri · 16/05/2013 12:20

When my little nephew was eight and didn't want to wear a suit to his sister's wedding, we told him he would look very special in a suit, - just like James Bond, (we also had to let him carry spy gadgets in his pockets - but hey ho).

Maybe something like that would work for your rather precious BIL to be? - who is his favourite hero?

Failing that, I would tell your MIL that the kind of best man who won't wear a suit, and won't make a speech, is the kind of best man who stands right at the very back during the photos. Grin

(actually I'm all for people wearing whatever they like, not being a dressy type myself, but it's your wedding and you want suits and he's being an awkward bugger and your MIL is enabling him)

Songbird · 16/05/2013 12:22

Yes, promise him that if he wears the suit he can wear his Spiderman pjs to the evening do. I hope there's somewhere quiet at the reception venue in case he gets over-tired. Poor lamb.

KansasCityOctopus · 16/05/2013 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EuroShaggleton · 16/05/2013 12:25

Tell him if he doesn't wear the suit, you're sacking him from his ringbearer role. He can only be part of the wedding party and have a role if he is prepared to dress the part.

kneedeepindaisies · 16/05/2013 12:29

If its already kicking off then just don't have him as Best Man.

Its nice that you're trying to keep your MIL happy but like you said, she is clearly a loon and isn't going to be happy anyway so do what you want Grin

Original poster
frissonpink · 16/05/2013 12:29

I'm just still a bit [shocked] at MIL allowing/encouraging it !

She chose to buy him a suit for the wedding. Why the bloody hell did she not just buy him a navy one then? I assume they're the same price as grey ones Wink

Plus, she knows what groom is wearing. Why would you want your other son to look a tw*t!

OP posts:
Original poster
frissonpink · 16/05/2013 12:30

knee yes, can I sack off the entire in-law family? Grin

I'm wondering what's next....!

OP posts:
Spaghettio · 16/05/2013 12:32

Well, I think that he's either part of the wedding party & therefore wearing what he's told, or he's a guest who wears what he wants.

This. FFS. He's 18. If he doesn't want to sit with the grown ups, he doesn't get to be one of the wedding party. Tell him to grow up and stop stopping.

And remind MIL that if she strops too much you might be inclined to rescind her invitation. Imagine missing your DS's wedding because your youngest DS pissed the bride off? Grin

EldritchCleavage · 16/05/2013 12:36

Sack him as ring bearer. Honestly. He doesn't want a role I suspect (hence all the playing up) so give him what he wants.

Original poster
frissonpink · 16/05/2013 12:40

Can imagine how this would go...

Sack him off as ring bearer...

All hell breaks loose from MIL.

OP posts:
kneedeepindaisies · 16/05/2013 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kneedeepindaisies · 16/05/2013 12:41

Sack off not sack on, obviously!

LaQueen · 16/05/2013 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LastTangoInDevonshire · 16/05/2013 12:48

Grow some, OP, and tell the little bugger to either grow up or give up. And tell MIL the same.

Better still.........tell your DHTB to say it ^

badtasteyoni · 16/05/2013 12:49

He needs to grow up - eighteen is a little old to be throwing teenage 'tantrums'. Sounds as if MIL just loves pandering to her little darling, but that doesn't mean you have to join in too.

IMO he should wear a suit and stop acting like a spoilt arse. Let DH deal with it though since it's his family - but I would say start as you mean to go on and make it clear to MIL (to be) that you're not going to join in with her bollocks Smile

badtasteyoni · 16/05/2013 12:50

For use of a better word Grin

Startail · 16/05/2013 12:57

Seriously you aren't the only one with eccentric relatives, my DMIL and DSIL were/are lovely, but not conventional DSIL played her recorder for signing the registers to avoid a Bridesmaids dress and DMIL had a lovely floaty hippy number, absolutely her and absolutely not conventional.

The only bridzila foot putting down I did was insisting DH bought a new suit. A eight year old plastic one he'd had for uni interviews was not on.
In any case he was about to finish being a post grad and need an interview suit.

I'd smile and nod, yes he's 18, but my male student really didn't get clothes until they started work.