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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want to pay for my 17 year old DD's mobile phone?

110 replies

Absolutelylost · 15/05/2013 14:39

She earns about £40 a week for a couple of sessions of washing pots at a local pub whilst studying for A levels and insists that absolutely everyone else has their phone paid for by their parents. It's only me that's totally tight and unreasonable. Apparently it's her right.... She's having to save her money for something very important but it's not my business to know. I have paid her contract for 2 years but I think it's about time she took some responsibility.

Am I unreasonable?

OP posts:
olgaga · 16/05/2013 01:23

In my day you had to have access to a telegraph. Optical semaphore was just so uncool Grin

musicposy · 16/05/2013 01:31

DD1 is 17 and I pay for £5 of a £10 top up once a month, no more. I figure that's enough to cover her phoning me to ask for lifts.

The rest, she pays for. All she's had until now is the odd bit of babysitting money to pay it out of. She's just got a job for the summer but it's going to be a truly shit wage as they can pay teens so little. But I'm still not coughing up more than £5 a month. She always acts grateful for the £5 as without the gratitude the amount might quickly reduce itself by around a fiver and she knows it Grin

Bogeyface · 16/05/2013 01:45

Well as someone else who was also washing pots in a pub (until I got shafted, thanks new Landlord) I can say that I would resent being up to my elbows in dishwater to pay for a luxury that my child could pay for themselves.

And washing pots in a pub is shit, there is no two ways about it. It isnt snobby to say that no one would do it unless they had to! And yes, the fact that the OP is having to do that, because her first job wasnt bringing in enough, does pretty much give her the answer!

Bogeyface · 16/05/2013 01:49

In fact, ignore the washing pots bit..

"AIBU to think that as I am working 2 jobs to make ends meet, my 17 year old DD should pay for her mobile phone out of her own earnings?"

That would have got a resounding YANBU

Oh and if you are not privvy to what she is saving for, why the hell should you subsidise it? If she were to tell you what she is saving for (I am guessing driving lessons and a car) then you could judge for yourself whether it is important enough that you are prepared to help her save by paying her phone bill. But if she wont tell you then no deal!

TolliverGroat · 16/05/2013 02:03

Is there something wrong with washing pots in pubs ? That's a rather snobby comment actually.

There's nothing wrong with it, but if OP and her DD are doing the same job in the same pub and the DD thinks that nevertheless the OP should be paying for her (DD's) phone out of her (OP's) wages rather than the DD paying for her own phone out of her own wages, then there seems to be something a bit askew.

Original poster
Absolutelylost · 16/05/2013 07:09

Actually, sad face I also took on a few cleaning jobs too - which I much prefer to the pots. But we are now back to a more relaxed financial situation, thank goodness. But, to be honest, we've never had to worry about money before and it's been a pretty sobering reality check.

The discussion I was having with my DD was about choices - she reckons she needs £10 a fortnight. If she cut down slightly on the junk food and fizzy drinks, she could do that easily. And I know exactly how much she buys because its scattered all over her room.

OP posts:
Original poster
Absolutelylost · 16/05/2013 07:11

I don't think she's saving for anything, I think it's a ruse for me to dig deep. I dream it's a deposit on a flat. Only joking, love her really.

OP posts:
Butkin · 16/05/2013 07:27

I'd pay - they are only young once and at least she seems to be working hard. I would try and find out what she was 'saving' for though in case it was something I thought we should contribute towards.

comingintomyown · 16/05/2013 07:51

My DC 16 and 14 both wanted iphones so both used all their birthday money to fund it. I pay £20 for each of them per month and they had to buy out two years contract value in advance so its all paid for up front apart from my £20.

I was against my DD in particular having one but I think teens really do put so much value on their phones and when I was a teen Mum was skint and I never had anything everyone else did so I think that affects my decisions.

If your DD at 17 doesnt do much around the house OP I can see why you would resent paying her phone costs and I would refuse to as well. MY DC get generous allowances too but are expected do regular jobs around the house all month without whinging.

Original poster
Absolutelylost · 16/05/2013 08:02

She does ok, she's just gone off to school with her iPad...

It's the attitude that bugs me the most - no appreciation just expectation. Though she's just agreed to babysit next week so perhaps we're moving forward....

OP posts:
Original poster
Absolutelylost · 16/05/2013 08:04

And can I also mention the 3 previous iPhones that have had cracked screens within weeks, and I have shelled out £60 a time to fix. And she had the cheek to complain that I did it on the cheap and I should have sent them back to apple and have them done properly....

OP posts:
stupidlybroody · 16/05/2013 08:11

I'd make her pay. I've been paying my own phone since I've been old enough to have a contract. Unbelievably I'm 22 and the only one of my close friends who pays her own phone bill!!

LottieJenkins · 16/05/2013 08:28

Absolutelylost It sounds to me like your daughter says "Jump" and you say "How high DD???" I cant believe that she complained about the repairs to her phone. She has broken it umpteen times so she should pay for repair. I bet she couldnt afford to send it to Apple like she wanted you to. My ds has a basic alcatel phone and I pay £5 a month for his contract to Virgin!

mrsjay · 16/05/2013 08:36

just not forking out these incredibly high contracts each month for them

yes I agree with that that is why I refused too a tenner a month 02 did mine fine and no iphones either and I think if they have money then they should be paying for top ups or contracts, nobody really deserves an all singing all dancing mobile just cos their friends have them

Ibet all those saying oh I didnt have a phone when i was young I managed I bet if they were around in the dark ages you would all be wanting 1 and texting like loons like teenagers do today Wink

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 16/05/2013 08:39

I certainly wouldn't. Not while she was giving me that sort of attitude.

mrsjay · 16/05/2013 08:45

Unbelievably I'm 22 and the only one of my close friends who pays her own phone bill!!

what Shock

LottieJenkins · 16/05/2013 08:45

Why are the contracts so expensive? Wilf's contract is £5 a month and includes unlimited texts which is fab as he rarely rings due to his deafness and communicates with everyone 99% of the time by text! Smile

mrsjay · 16/05/2013 08:52

I think it depends on the network lottie and what they have if they have say an IPhone then you have got data as well, DD2 has internet on her phone but hers is a tenner a month and she uses the wifi,

olgaga · 16/05/2013 09:24

Unbelievably I'm 22 and the only one of my close friends who pays her own phone bill!!

Yes, I think it's quite common now. It depends entirely on whether the parents can afford it. The same, I suppose, as buying a car/paying for the running costs a car etc which a lot of parents seem to do as well.

There's no reason to be paying for really expensive contracts. People tend to pay way over the odds because they never compare when the term is up, never switch, or stick to PAYG which often works out much more expensive.

I'm a bit of a nerd in this respect, I admit, but I keep a close eye on mine and DDs usage and average it every 6 months.

In my case, years of being with one network has paid off because as an established customer I always get a positive response when I get in touch and ask to reduce and personalise my tariff.

Moneysavingexpert and Moneysupermarket are good places to start!

mrsjay · 16/05/2013 09:27

TBH i am with tesco and I think we are 30 a month for 2 phones and that is with data added

BackforGood · 16/05/2013 20:45

I'm with Lottie though - I pay £7.50 a month for 5000 texts, 250minutes and some internet (can't remember the amount but I've never got anywhere near the limit and use it most days).
Why would you want to be paying out £30 a month or more ? Confused
Oh, and in case you think I don't use it 'cos I'm an old codger (true) my ds has his phone surgically attached to his hand, and he sticks to his £7.50 a month contract too (different provider)

CheapBread · 16/05/2013 21:06

Bloody hell she's got an ipad aswell?! Just say no.

I can't help thinking mumsnet in 10years time will be full of parents moaning about having to give their adult children money to make their mortgage/car payments because they're financially clueless and entitled.

IneedAsockamnesty · 16/05/2013 21:27

Lolled at this ^ as I recall public phone boxes being a source or entertainment when I was a teen sad but true

Is busby in?

marriedinwhiteagain · 16/05/2013 22:15

Who with Backforgood. Which provider and do you have wide and strong signal cover throughout tHe UK and Europe?

SacreBlue · 16/05/2013 22:38

sock Grin Beattie splatter him against the wall as she opened her fridge