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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want to pay for my 17 year old DD's mobile phone?

110 replies

Absolutelylost · 15/05/2013 14:39

She earns about £40 a week for a couple of sessions of washing pots at a local pub whilst studying for A levels and insists that absolutely everyone else has their phone paid for by their parents. It's only me that's totally tight and unreasonable. Apparently it's her right.... She's having to save her money for something very important but it's not my business to know. I have paid her contract for 2 years but I think it's about time she took some responsibility.

Am I unreasonable?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/05/2013 18:44

I doubt OP is "washing pots in a pub to pay for her dd's mobile phone"

Is there something wrong with washing pots in pubs ? That's a rather snobby comment actually.

BellaVita · 15/05/2013 18:52

DS1 16 next month gets £40 a month and has to pay for his own phone top up.

She needs to grow up.

Mosschops30 · 15/05/2013 18:57

YANBU I don't pay for dds phone, she even bought the phone herself.

I'm not being a braggy bragger though cos we have lots of issues like this in the mosschops house, mostly around being tidy or helping with chores

OhLori · 15/05/2013 18:58

Actually AF, OP does work at the same pub doing washing up, if you read thread properly. I am not making a snobby comment, so there is no need to make a personally unpleasant directed at me, pretty rude of you actually. I am trying to point out that the OP is a 47 year old woman working very hard in a kitchen, hard work by anyone's standards, to help make family payments like this - i.e. its not like she's sitting on a retirement pot sunning herself in the south of france.

Anyway OP, I wouldn't get too worked up about it. Perhaps you're pissed off generally as you say, and your daughter means well but just doesn't understand the full picture here, I am sure you can enlighten her kindly, and well if that doesn't work perhaps a more factual approach ...

marriedinwhiteagain · 15/05/2013 18:59

Hmm perhaps we're soft. The DC 18 and 15 have contract phones and quite nice ones which, with insurance, cost me about 60 pcm combined. They have gone over a teeny bit once or twice. The deal is they can contact us and we can contact them and my peace of mind is cheap at the price.

DS has a monthly spending money allowance of 70 and DD 30. We don't expect them to work although DS has a baby sitting round and caddies and dd is beginning to build up a blvery local baby sitting round.

Expect to payy for their phones for as long as they are in full time education.

teenagetantrums · 15/05/2013 19:06

cut the contract off then, my dds contract is £15 a month, I am sure with your daughter could pay that out of her money. she is on a capped contract and cant go over that

AnyFucker · 15/05/2013 19:06

I am not making an unpleasant anything directed at you, OhLori, although it was you doing the Hmm face at Op "washing pots in a pub" so if the cap fits, eh ?

I assume she is doing that to give her kids the things she thinks they need. A bit of gentle support/guidance rather than a Hmm face might not go amiss.

This coming from a poster (me) who gets criticised for being too harsh, so I do recognise it when I see it

cardibach · 15/05/2013 19:07

I am a teacher and decided I did not want DD to work as long as she was in sixth form as I have seen the rather nasty effects in terms of underachievement over the years (I know it doesn't always cause this, but way too often to risk it). Because of this, I give her an allowance and pay for her phone. As another poster said, it is my peace of mind too.
However, if you can't afford this as family finances are tight I don't think YABU to ask her to pay/contribute.

BackforGood · 15/05/2013 19:10

Why on earth would you pay for your dcs' mobile phones ? Confused.
I never have. From their first phones, when they start Yr7, they've paid for their own calls / texts. PAYG generally when on pocket money only, then their choice when they start earning.

OP, of course YANBU!

KatieScarlett2833 · 15/05/2013 19:12

I pay my 2 DC bills.
It is their annual Christmas present.
Every year for the past 4 years.
I quite like the idea.

Mabelface · 15/05/2013 19:15

If she's earning £40 a week, then she's got ample money to pay for her own phone contract. I never care what other people's parents do, I do things my way and my kids can like it or lump it.

confusteling · 15/05/2013 19:17

My mum pays for my mobile phone (£35 a month). However it's a slightly different situation - I'm a full time student, my mum's carer, need a mobile phone so that her "telecare centre" can phone me 24/7 and for medical purposes.

Without the phone I'd be bloody lost..

I can't afford to pay mine - I live on about £30 a week, to buy food/travel/living costs so a mobile's out of my reach!

FuckThisShit · 15/05/2013 19:21

I can't see how paying for my children's phones is 'failing to prepare' them for the real world.

My older children are all studying hard, the girls have had to rein in their shifts at the restaurants they work in as they've been revising for and have now started their A levels/first year uni exams; and my son spends his weekends playing sport at county level and cannot just pick and choose when he plays.

They don't get an allowance any more since their father died and I have always said that I will pay their phone bills (£25/month) each. They never go over as they have unlimited deals.

MammaTJ · 15/05/2013 19:52

My teen was allowed a contract phone in her dads name. I told him he was daft, but he said she would have to pay it out of her wages. She was 14 at the time and twice overran the contracted allowance by a considerable amount. She had to pay that too.

She is now 18 and has one in her name. She pays.

mrsjay · 15/05/2013 22:18

a mobile phone is like an extension of a teenagers arm GrinI don't think you can deny them a mobile the only reason I got mine and paid for PAYG is I didnt want them going over, I do think if they are working then they could pay something towards their mobiles though

Lovesabadboy · 15/05/2013 23:09

We are the same as BackforGood

Both DDs (now 16.5 and 12.5) only got basic mobiles(no Iphones here!) when they started secondary school.
They both get monthly pocket money from us and from their only set of grandparents, so they have always paid their PAYG top ups of £10 when they need them (this gives them 300 free texts too).
This way they can stay in contact and we have peace of mind.
We certainly would never pay £60 a month as someone upthread pays!Shock

Our eldest now has a Saturday job plus odds and sods of babysitting and she is proud to be paying her own way, feels more grown up and with that comes a sense of responsibility

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable, OP.

BackforGood · 15/05/2013 23:09

No-one's suggesting denying them a mobile though MrsJay, just not forking out these incredibly high contracts each month for them Shock

FiftyShadesofGreyMatter · 15/05/2013 23:22

"everybody elses parents pay", lol. Hope you don't fall for that one!

Yes the entitled attitude sucks.

Personally I haven't and wouldn't pay for a teenagers phone, she is just trying it on, don't fall for it!

SacreBlue · 15/05/2013 23:24

DS has PAYG and sometimes I top it up, I preferred not to go on contract as it made him realise how much he was going through at the star. Anytime he wants to upgrade (only twice so far tg) he pays himself.

Personally I like that he is saving up for something himself but, like your DD, he has to know that bills get paid out of the same money as savings so he needs to budget accordingly. I don't give him pocket money - I feel topping the phone up, only a tenner a month bargain, is enough. DVDs, games etc he buys from his wages.

You are being a parent teaching her to take responsiblilty for her budgeting so YADNBU refusing to pay

similarly 'tight-fisted' mum Grin

Original poster
Absolutelylost · 15/05/2013 23:29

Giffgaff looks great - sadly we can only get Vodafone here...

OP posts:
olgaga · 15/05/2013 23:37

Well DD and I both have SIM-only contracts, currently hers is £11 a month, mine is £15 a month, and the actual cost of both is around £30-35 a month. I don't see that as expensive given the amount of use they get.

I've been with the network for about 10 years so every now and then I ring them and say I'm paying too much! I can get this on (other network) for less and I always get a result, whether it's more texts/talk/data or a cheaper tariff.

I buy other people's unwanted upgrades off ebay every couple of years as replacement phones - just got DD a new HTC Desire C for £43!

I want her to have a phone as she's walking to school and back on her own now, and it's just as useful for me to be able to contact her as it is for her to be able to contact me.

My brother still pays for my niece's mobile phone and she left university last year, but although she's working really hard she is struggling to find a permanent job, and has all the cost of living in London.

Phones aren't a luxury item IMO.

Original poster
Absolutelylost · 15/05/2013 23:37

'Is there something wrong with washing pots in pubs ? That's a rather snobby comment actually.'

I can think of better ways of spending my time for £7 an hour to be honest. And DH has recently picked up a great new job so I will probably knock it on the head soon and stick to just my normal day job. However, having a period of having to be very careful indeed has made me think of the value of money more - and I think it's that that has made me feel resentful of her attitude.

OP posts:
olgaga · 15/05/2013 23:41

I forgot to say, when she first got her phone last year she went over her limits in the first three months. She was only 11 at the time, and had no idea how these things worked but we went through the statements together and when she got to grips with it she got her phone usage right down.

You can teach them to be responsible about money without denying them the things they need.

Yonihadtoask · 15/05/2013 23:56

I wouldn't pay it.

DS is 15. He has had payg since year 7. At first he had my cast off phones which I paid the credit on . I then bought him a slightly nicer ( but still quite cheap) handset for a bday gift. He barely uses any credit. I wanted him to have one as his school is a public bus ride away, and there are sometimes problems him getting home.

I wouldn't ever get a contract for a child. Y
DSSs each have a contract phone, paid for by their mother who has NO money.

I don't expect DS to pay his top ups as he doesn't get spending money. And he probably makes a tenner last over sic months.

A contract phone is a luxury. Kids do feel that they have to have one. But they don't.

I didn't even have a landline when I was a young adult, yet still managed to conduct a social life.

SacreBlue · 16/05/2013 01:14

I didn't even have a landline when I was a young adult, yet still managed to conduct a social life

Lolled at this ^ as I recall public phone boxes being a source or entertainment when I was a teen sad but true