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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to thnk it's perfectly fine for my 19 month old DS to have long hair, occasionally in a pony and also play with a pushchair?

65 replies

TakingTimeOut · 14/05/2013 15:15

DS2 is the typical blonde blue eyed little toddler. His hair is quite long. I like it this way as does DH. Obviously he has haircuts but I love his hair too much to let him have it fully chopped off. Because of his length I usually stick it up in to a ponytail when for example he is eating a meal because it can flop in to his eyes.

DH's brothers find it 'wrong' that their nephew has his hair this way. Often they go on the wind saying that I secretly wanted him to be a girl because I also let him play with a toy pushchair Confused. I already have DT one of whom is a girl so that's hardly the case.

I personally don't see anything wrong with a boy playing with a pushchair in a similar way I don't see it a problem a girl playing with cars. They think I'm leading him down the wrong path and he'll soon start asking for dolls and dresses.

DS has a pink shirt in his wardrobe too amongst an array of typical boy types - which they also find horrific.

OP posts:
minouminou · 14/05/2013 17:13

Silly to get arsey. DS will be seven in Oct, and will correct people sometimes, and not bother other times. I'm finding it's usually related to how advantageous it is to be male or female at that moment.....

Original poster
TakingTimeOut · 14/05/2013 17:24

I don't get arsey when he's sometimes mistaken for a girl. I just politely correct them with HE.

DH's brothers are the type who think women should be chained to the kitchen sink. Thank god DH broke the mould - although he often takes a ribbing because he does a lot of the cooking at home. He's a mean cook - they think he's under the thumb Hmm

OP posts:
minouminou · 14/05/2013 17:29

Oh no - I was referring to the youth hostel boy.

God...your BILs are knobbers.

AmberSocks · 14/05/2013 17:33

since when is a pushchair a gemale item,do men not push pushchairs?my dh does.my boys have had dolls and prams etc,they are not wussy or ay,and thre would be no problem if they were imo.

spidersandslugs · 14/05/2013 17:41

Playing with pushchair & dolls - fine.

Long hair in ponytail - ludicrous.

Decoy · 14/05/2013 18:05

Long hair in ponytail - ludicrous.

Why?

Mama1980 · 14/05/2013 18:10

One of my ds's 5 has Long blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, he is also very 'pretty' he usually has his hair in a ponytail and is constantly mistaken for a girl but him and find it funny and just correct them nicely. His uncles my brothers all have longish to very Long hair he wants to look like them- with the youngest there's some serious hero worship going onGrin
I see no problem with it.

AmberSocks · 14/05/2013 18:36

i would say about a third of the boys in y sons class at school have long,and by long i mean jaw to shoulder length hair,so its not unusual at all,your bil sound a bit old fashioned.my eldest sons are 5 and 4 and have always had long hair,they had it cut for the first time about a year ago because they caught lice from someone and we couldnt get rid of them so just shaved it off,they looked ill!they bothlove their long hair and it suits them,personally i really hate really short hair on boys i think it looks rough.

Original poster
TakingTimeOut · 15/05/2013 10:10

spiders, what is wrong with him having it in a ponytail? I didn't say he goes out wearing one - and even if he did - so what? It's mostly up when he's eating dinner.

OP posts:
ShlongAndFanjoForTheMammeries · 15/05/2013 10:19

YANBU - if it's his choice who cares what other people think.

OxfordBags · 15/05/2013 10:42

I'm jealous that your Ds will let you put his hair in a ponytail! My long-haired DS won't let me within 50 paces of him with a hairbobble. I cut his fringe, so he has a sort of curly angelic mullet (it's cute, not Kevin Keegan, honest!). And he loves his pushchair. Anyone who rigidly thinks boys should only wear/do/play with X, and girls with Y, is either not very bright or has issues that they should deal with instead of ignorantly inflicting on others. Or both.

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 15/05/2013 10:56

I have had it the other way around! DD3 is 2 and has very short hair (grade 8 with the clippers) and exSIL and exH have both made comments about her being a lesbian! Angry

ExSIL has also made exMIL remove all her "girls" toys from the house so that her less than 1 year old DS can't play with them! Obv the fact that she has a 4 and 2 year old granddaughter who do like playing with them isn't important! Angry

Some people are so narrow minded it pisses me off. If my DD is. Lesbian it will not be due to how her hair was cut as a toddler! Angry

auntmargaret · 15/05/2013 11:29

Long hair on boys seems to be a peculiarly English thing. Very rare to see it in Scotland.

WorraLiberty · 15/05/2013 11:34

aunt it's also quite a Portugese thing too.

Boys playing with prams and dolls isn't exactly a new thing. Boys with little sisters especially have always done this.

As for the hair, it won't be to everyone's taste but as long as you and your DH are happy with it, you know you're not BU.

auntmargaret · 15/05/2013 11:36

I go to Portugal every summer, never seen it there. Smile

nostress · 15/05/2013 11:56

When my ds2 was young from about 2yrs we let him grow a Jedi plait. (star wars fans!). Beautiful blond straight hair will a long plait. Never mistaken for a girl. Finally cut it off at school age due to school's short hair for boys policy but he still talks about it and if he gets into the secondary school he wants to then he will grow his hair long again. He's got lots of pink t shirts/shirts a long with smart suits. He likes fashion and likes to look good. He knows how to knock things up on a sewing machine (including all the threading & winding the bobbin)... he also knows how to use power tools (drill etc.), saw, screwdriver and we have recently bought him a tool box and work bench (adult kind not toys). He loves cuddly toys, climbing trees and lighting fires in the garden. ..... he's 10 and couldn't care less about gender stereotypes.

AmberSocks · 15/05/2013 12:47

nostress does your school really have a policy for boys to have short hair?hasnt anyone ever taken them up on it?Theres no way i would stand for thosekind of double standards.

twilight3 · 15/05/2013 13:18

YANBU. Mine played with pushchairs and dolls and so what? He was mimicking his daddy looking after the baby. On what worlds is it wrong for a man to dress a baby or push it around in a pushchair?

re hair, I'm not a fan of long hair on boys but wouldn't try to stop anyone doing it as I understand it's simply a matter of taste and I have no argument for or against. It does make me secretly and privately cringe that DS (5) has his hair longish, but I'm not inflicting haircuts on him (only once as I couldn't for the love of God get rid of headlice).

Ignore them, if it gets to much ask DH to sort them out as you've had enough of their rudeness.

nostress · 15/05/2013 13:56

Ambersocks...yes! They used to be really strict on it and my oldest (now 15 and long gone) was constantly getting into trouble for having 'long' hair which was basically shoulder length and over ears, with a massive flick. Rules were 'above collar' and not in eyes. Once his tutor sent home a note in which she sketched a picture of a new (acceptable) hairstyle that she had discussed with my son. Saying he agreed it was a good idea (which he didn't). I almost wet myself laughing! Needless to say he did not have the regulation cut and kept it shaggy. It was the deputy head who was really strict on it. In fact when the head was off sick he sent out a letter re hair amongst other whinges to parents which pissed a lot of people off. Lots of people wrote to governors complaining about him. He left shortly after but I don't know if it was connected! So now its a bit more relaxed but still not allowing hair long enough for a ponytail.

Crinkle77 · 15/05/2013 13:57

YANBU. Playing with a pushchair and having a pink shirt are hardly going to make him gay. I can't believe that some people are so stupid.

AmberSocks · 15/05/2013 13:59

are girls allowed it though?i know a my sons school if it gets long enough for a ponytail they have to tie it up for p.e,but theres no strict rules.

you would think they have bigger things to worry about,like education. Smile

themaltesecat · 15/05/2013 14:02

At 19 months, it's OK. Pushing a pushchair is not a feminine occupation in any event.

On the other hand, if he were, say, five, he might be running into problems with his peers. I wouldn't want my kid teased and would encourage him gently to conform. The mothers who go out of their way to paint their school-age sons' nails pink to make some sort of point are idiotic IMHO.

nostress · 15/05/2013 14:11

Yes! although I think they had to have it tied back but I'm not sure!

mummymeister · 15/05/2013 14:20

can see no issue with it at all at this age. the only "but" I would add is that there are a couple of boys in DS's school with long hair and they are made to tie it back in a pony tail like the girls with long hair would. this has caused a few issues (mainly with the long haired boys parents!) but that is a long way off. as for BIL. really?

hamdangle · 15/05/2013 14:27

You must teach him to do the One Handed Manly Push when pushing his pram. You could also shave the top of his head, leaving only the pony tail and give him a Peter Stringfellow. This way you can ensure he doesn't catch the gay.

DS1 wore a purple sparkly tutu In ursery every day and filled his pushchair with dolls not dinosaurs and cars. I didn't think people cared about these kind of things anymore. What are your BILs frightened of exactly?