Stay at Home mums

[marilynmonroe]

There is something that has been bothering me for a while about being a stay at home mum.

I decided to stay at home with my kids after my second was born. I enjoyed my job but wanted to be at home with my children. I have (and sometimes still) struggled with this. In the way that people who I meet will find me boring as all I do is look after the kids, clean, cook etc etc.I am an interesting person who reads, keeps up to date with what is going on in the world and I don't just talk about my kids!

Anyway, I'm getting to my point now, my eldest is about to start school in September and all I get asked at the moment is "have you thought what you are going to do next?" "Are you going to go back to work" now this may be due to small talk etc but...

It makes me feel that I should be thinking about doing something else.
But I feel that the kids need me now more than ever when they are at school and what about school holidays etc.

This isn't a thread about what's best, being a stay at home mum or a working mum.

I would like to hear from other mums that didn't go back to work when their kids started school and what they did with their time when they were at school?

I do worry about how i will fill my time when that happens and if I will get bored. Is there anything wrong with not wanting to go back to work and look after your family? Why do women feel that they have to go back to work when they don't need to? I'm in a very lucky situation where I don't need to work for financial reasons although this could change at anytime as my partner is self employed. I don't want to start a discussion about how some women have to work etc etc.

I'm not sure if I am being clear, I have been thinking a lot about this recently. Would like to hear other people's opinions just to make me feel better about my choice I guess. Maybe I'm trying to justify my choice.

Thanks for reading!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1673791-Universal-Credit-implications-for-long-term-SAHMs-Help-please

Just to clarify this is the thread I was referring to and morethan coments on it.

I think that we should all be careful what we post and really think about what we base our opinions on before we judge others.

"I sadly know rather too many daughters of WOHMs who have ended up in psychiatric units on prolonged stays due to pressurised family life. I know zero daughters of SAHMs to whom this has happened.

is this for real? seriously?

Xenia can you really be serious about this comment?! I think children do much better when both parents work full time and that housewives damage the prospects of other women?!?

My Mum was a SAHM, my Dad worked full time, I had a loving family life and was given encouragement and support from both parents, worked hard, did well at school, went on to uni, worked for almost 20 yrs at the top of my profession and have now chosen to be a SAHM, because I want to and am fortunate to have the choice financially. I totally support women's choices to work or not - children are not damaged my parents who don't work or do work, they're damaged by parents who aren't loving, supportive or encouraging, regardless of their work status. And as for SAHMs damaging the prospects of other women - no way, you make your own choices, forge your own path just as I did, don't lay the blame for some employers being sh*tty about employing women at my door.

Bonsoir What utter tripe you spout!

Alvin.

Wo, still going with the personal vendetta.
I think you are a tad jelous, as I know I don't feel the way you tell me I do. Some sort of wohm basher.
Just because it wasn't for me doesn't mean I look down on others who do it. Most people do it because they need to work, some do it out of choice. I didn't do it out of choice.
I don't see the point in both parents working for the childcare bill to equate to a full income receiving no profit but asking for childcare support. However, just because I feel like this doesn't mean others shouldn't do it if they so wish. Its hardly judgemental.

Cameron the Feminist!

You are shockingly ignorant Xenia.

His policies suggest motherhood and homemaking are beneath careers and making money. But that is the capitalist mantra, only making money counts.

In fact I am sick to death of your condescending attitude to sahms. You are no feminist. To you, goals, success and money are the measure of a woman's worth.

Okay if you're white, middle class or born with a golden spoon in your mouth.

Capitalism or Cameron will not be pulling subjugated and poverty stricken women out of the mire.

WOHM's daughters in mental hospitals - what a load of nonsense! Think the poster has far far too much time on their hands. Perhaps they need to get back into the real world. Presume they are a SAHM!

Whatever works with you is fine although I find some of the SAHM on MN are often very smug and entitled - however, let me throw this in - what if the SAHM was with a banker or an MP. Would you all still consider it her choice. These two groups of people often unfairly IMHO get blamed for EVERYTHING in some people's lives. And if you really believed that country has been ruined by these two groups of people - go and become a MP yourself and get things changed. No - I didnt think so..

And please please dont stat bleating that your partner pays YOUR share. It really doesnt work like that.

It bloody does.

Sahp do a job,a very valuable and worthwhile job.

If the wp had to pay staff to do what sahp do it would be a tidy sum.

Many wp wouldn't be able to do the job they do without the support and work that their parter does.

Same old posters piling on any thread with sahp as a focus running down and belittling sahps.

morethan I was replying to your asking me where you had made the comments.

I do really stand by my comments that we should all be careful in what we post,you have posted your financial arrangements all over the internet along with lots of personal detail. Im not sure that you fully understand what the implications could be.
Ive come to the conclusion that you dont understand much about your own finances/business arrangements and that in revealing everything you are rather naive and lacking in self awareness.

Im not going to comment further.

My partner and I are both WOHPs. And whilst I'd quite like a cleaner, as it stands we don't pay anyone.

When ds was younger, we paid something like £16 p/w for afterschool club. A few hundred pounds over the year on holiday clubs. All in all it's hardly a tidy sum!

Yes we are fortunate in being able to work flexitime but we are not alone in this. I am surrounded by men and women who do the same.

The if WOHPs "had to pay staff to do what sahp do it would be a tidy sum" argument is a bit of a red herring.

Who is beltting? It is the housewives saying working mothers (but never of course working fathers who are Gods because they are male and can do no wrong) produce children in mental hospitals. Manna from Heaven of course, that kind of comment, for working parents. The women who stay at home almost always prove the working parents' points for them just by what they write.

As to the extent people write about themselves that is up to them. I do think there is a lot the unemployed/housewives and PAYE workers do not know about being self employed. I have seen a lot of press articles suggesting because a business sets costs against turnover it is cheating tax which is ridiculous. If I buy goods costing 99p and sell them for £1 then my profit is 1p and I am taxed on it. I am not somehow diddling the tax man because I am not taxed on all the receipts/turnover.

I cannot be bothered to post the 1000 reasons children of working mothers do better than those with parents at home but see other Xenia threads passim for those wanting all that evidence. Never stay home because you think it is better. Stay at home because you could never earn more than the cost of your half of the childcare cost because you chose not to work very hard at school or because your husband insists or culturally or religiously you think it better women serve men but do not stay home because you will produce better or happier children.

why is everyone so fucking defensive? and keen to belittle others?

it baffles me, really

WOHMs kids end up depressed!
SAHM are a bad example to women!

FFS, the bad people are the rapists, the abusers, the criminals, the torturers, not well meaning MUms going their best to get by

and I now blame my mum for the fact I am midly depressed and start counselling next week

Some of the SAHMs I know (most of them in fact) have cleaners, gardners, ironers. Some have au pairs. Some have their DC in termly boarding ...

They most certainly do not save their families money!

Why should they?

You must know very wealthy SAHMs word Their other halfs must be on 6 figure salaries to do those things.

Red herring for what exactly?

Your figures don't match mine.

£9 per child for after school club which for 3 is £27 per day 40 weeks a year is £5400
Breakfast club per child on top(not sure the full rice but let's go with £4) so £12 a day 40weeks a year is £2400
Holiday club 12 weeks (actually 10 if on holiday for 2 weeks)a year x 3 at £30 a day is £90 a day is £4500

The above a lone is way more than the full time salaries I'm looking to go back on.

Then however much 2 times a week cleaner is,plus the cost of a second car,petrol,tax,insurance etc.

The cost of getting laundry done.

The cost of a tutor times 3(my dc are in a crap school and couldn't afford private even if I did work) so have to do extra with them etc,etc.

Sahp contribute- a lot!

Alvin.

I'm very glad to hear that.

And what George said,very poor SAHMs round here(me being one of them). I don't know any with a cleaner etc.

Xenia I think you would be better off just saying all SAHMs are complete fucking bastards, instead of passive agressively stating your vitriol against them. Why do you hate them so much?

Blimey Xenia are you always this angry?! Children do well if they are loved, supported and encouraged, not because their Mothers do or don't work.

ihate yup indeed they are wealthy.

Wealthy people whether they work or not tend to have help.
Poorer people whether they work or not tend to do it all themselves.

It really aint a SAH/WOH issue.

why because a few posters from both camps make wild statements does it open it up for some to get really derogatory on all sah or wp. surely you can challenge certain views without bashing one side or other. makes you look just as silly.