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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to accept petrol money

34 replies

workhell · 13/05/2013 19:14

DH is driving us and a friend about 250 miles to a party on Saturday afternoon (returning Sunday). Friend has offered to give us petrol money. Do we accept? I would insist he took some money if he was driving. Petrol is so expensive! And if he insists, what do we say if he asks how much we want?!

But we'd be driving anyway. We also have more money than friend but a lot more expenses.

WIBU? WWYD?

OP posts:

flowery · 13/05/2013 19:18

You would not BU but I wouldn't in that situation. I'd refuse and say "Oh just buy me a drink" or something. I'd probably expect a bottle of wine as a thank you or similar.

But I don't think you would BU to accept.

Jan49 · 13/05/2013 19:32

I wouldn't accept money in that situation as it's a journey you're doing anyway. If you plan to do a stop on the way, maybe you could suggest that instead of contributing to petrol, would he like to pay for your tea and coffee when you stop?

You risk invalidating your motor insurance if you accept money for lifts too.

Astley · 13/05/2013 19:43

No way would I accept if we were going anyway! That's not really how friends act IMO. If I were driving the friend somewhere just for them, and I really needed the money, I might, but never if I was going and they were just getting a lift.

Lottashakingoinon · 13/05/2013 19:45

You risk invalidating your motor insurance if you accept money for lifts too.

Not so: sharing petrol expenses is fine: it's when you do it for profit that it becomes tricky.

Dinosaurhunter · 13/05/2013 19:48

No way would we accept petrol money in that situation .

whois · 13/05/2013 19:49

I would take the petrol money probably and I would offer ( and expect to pay) if someone drove me. Cars are fucking expensive to run, as is petrol. Going in one car is saving money for everyone plus friend does have to bother driving.

To work out costs either do a total fill up after picking friend up, and again just before you get them home and divide by three. Or work out on one of those online calcs (need to know distance, price per litre and average mpg 35 is reasonable estimate).

nothingisnothing · 13/05/2013 19:55

I agree with whois
That's a fair distance and i would expect to share the petrol cost if my friend was giving me a lift.

CloudsAndTrees · 13/05/2013 19:57

I would expect to be bought a couple of drinks for driving someone that distance, but I wouldn't accept money if I was going anyway.

crashdoll · 13/05/2013 20:01

I wouldn't accept money but I'd like a couple of drinks and snacks if you stop along the way.

SirChenjin · 13/05/2013 20:02

I would accept and I would offer too. I seem to recall that a car that weighs more uses more petrol, so the more passengers you have in your car the more it costs to fill up. I wouldn't feel right about not offering petrol money, even if the person was going there anyway and would be mortified if they refused.

Londonseye · 13/05/2013 20:04

I would offer to pay friends if they did this for me, and as a driver I would accept a contribution. It's not unreasonable. I assume getting a lift with you will be saving the friend money either way? I think the token of the offer is lovely

landofsoapandglory · 13/05/2013 20:05

I agree with whois.

I would expect to share the petrol costs on a 500 mile round trip.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 13/05/2013 20:06

My gut instinct was yes you should take some money from him, but then I thought about it some more.

You're going anyway and there is only one of him and more of you, and whatever way you work it out, it looks a bit mean.

Say that he can get the coffees in at the service station on the way there and back ( which is probably more than the share of the petrol anyway )

starfishmummy · 13/05/2013 20:39

If it was a journey I was making anyway then I would suggest they get coffees or lay for the car parking

Choccywoccydodah · 13/05/2013 20:46

Why should you pay? They're obviously going too, so why not jump in their car and you get a free ride?
Fill your car totally up before you go, fill it again when you get there and your friends pay, then again when you get back and you pay (or don't bother, as it's your car so you'll pay to refill it when needed).
It's expensive to run a car these days, and the joys of car sharing is you get to split the cost surely? They're only paying for fuel, you've still got the wear and tear!
I know we'd split it if it was between our friends, but that's just how we all are, no one should be out of pocket.

Choccywoccydodah · 13/05/2013 20:48

Sorry, I read friends not friend. Need to divide total by 3 in that case

TheSecondComing · 13/05/2013 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JackieTheFart · 13/05/2013 20:50

YANBU. I'd offer and I'd accept.

LadyBeagleEyes · 13/05/2013 20:51

I don't drive and often take lifts if people offer.
Whether they're going anyway isn't the point, 250 miles is a long way and a lot of money.
i would always offer to pay half.

deleted203 · 13/05/2013 20:51

I would. I wouldn't expect or accept petrol money for a 30 mile journey, say. But 250? I'd quite happily say, 'thanks very much. I don't mind driving and we'll split the petrol costs'.

I wouldn't expect someone to take me that distance and not offer petrol money either.

KatyDid02 · 13/05/2013 20:57

It depends. Does he drive and so is saving petrol money by going with you? If he does, then I'd accept a contribution, if not then I'd probably settle for a bottle of wine.
I wouldn't expect either though.

KatyDid02 · 13/05/2013 20:58

Oh, forget to add, OP YANBU.

Original poster

workhell · 13/05/2013 20:59

Thanks for all the replies! Very mixed though!

We were going to go in his car but we offered ours as it is bigger. As I said I would probably insist we give him money but feel uncomfortable accepting it, not least because I don't want us to come across as tight! We aren't poor but are trying to save. Hotel is 180pounds and spending money etc all adds up. I think petrol will be at least 80pounds? Not sure how much DH pays for a tank.

Tbh I think it's too awkward to take the money so will probably give a flat no now!

OP posts:

Steffanoid · 13/05/2013 21:07

I would offer it, would accept it to, the friend is saving money he would have spent going alone and still be able to go as it would be expensive alone and may have deterred him, if you would offer it would be reasonable to expect the friend to reciprocate
YANBU

Astley · 14/05/2013 09:21

If he offered and you suggested your car instead ai would definetly refuse. He's clearly not trying to freeload. I would accept a hot drink or sandwich at the services and then if the situation is reversed I would do the same for him.

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