to accept petrol money

[workhell]

DH is driving us and a friend about 250 miles to a party on Saturday afternoon (returning Sunday). Friend has offered to give us petrol money. Do we accept? I would insist he took some money if he was driving. Petrol is so expensive! And if he insists, what do we say if he asks how much we want?!

But we'd be driving anyway. We also have more money than friend but a lot more expenses.

WIBU? WWYD?

[ComposHat]

if I were going to a party anyway I wouldn't accept money as it isn't costing me anymore. if the friend offered id say 'dont be daft, buy us a drink at the party. '

[cheeseandchive]

Don't not accept it because you think it might look mean. Accept it if it'd help you out, or don't if you want to do him a favour, but don't let appearences have anything to do with it.

FWIW, I never used to accept petrol money until I started being the main driver for our group of friends. Now, if someone offers, it can be really helpful and I will often accept it in light of the fact that it's alot cheaper for someone to give me petrol money than it is for them to take the train. Even if it's a nominal amount (£5, £10, whatever) it does help with the little things. That said, I usually judge it on how regularly I give them a lift, how far it is, whether it's a joint trip or I would be going anyway etc.

[alienbanana]

Definitely accept. If you dont then they might be offended.

I've been in the same situation - driving to the other end of the country with friends for a wedding. I expected petrol money from them (didn't have to ask, they offered, as any polite person would do)

It us going to cost £70-80 for the trip.. if you don't want to go halves you could always suggest they pay to top up the tank before the drive home and just put £25 in or something.

[WMittens]

250 miles is about £35 for a reasonably economic diesel car (is that the round trip BTW, or each way?) - £10-£15 wouldn't be unreasonable to either party, IMO. Obviously you're adding wear and tear and depreciation to your car, but no one (with any common sense) would calculate it to that extent.

And to those saying: "not if I was travelling anyway": I've tried that on buses, it held about as much water as a net. Driving is tiring, and 250 miles is likely to be about 4 hours depending on roads. You can arrive at a party in a refreshed mood as a passenger, or wanting a kip as a driver.

[Cakecrumbsinmybra]

If it was me, I would turn the offer of money down and tell them to buy me a bottle of wine, some drinks at the party, or something. However, if it was the other way around, I would probably force you to take the money by having the cash on me and basically handing it to you. Just offering verbally is a bit awkward to be honest and a little bit unfair on you.

[MidniteScribbler]

This is how it would go between my friends and I (irregardless of who owned the car):

A: Here have some petrol money.
B: No, it's all good.
A: No, really, take it.
B: No, stop being silly.
A: I insist.
B: No, I don't want it.
A: Take it.
B: Bugger off!
A: Are you sure.
B: Positive. It's fine.

Some time later arriving at the bar/restaurant/whereever....

A: I'm buying.

[HerrenaHarridan]

Your quandry is the reason why I never offer petrol money or ask for an amount, I take it out of pocket put in in vehicle ashtray or similar and say this is for petrol.

I do this as standard if we are going any kind of distance or the journey is made specially for me.

If they try and refuse I just say, Look I used to run a van and I know it's really expensive, even more so now.

As a non driver (at the moment, sitting test next wed!) I can't return the favour. If I could it would sometimes be different.

[MrsMelons]

I think you should accept it, good friends would want to share the petrol costs IMO unless for instance he wasn't originally going as couldn't afford to get there or something, in which case it would be nice to offer for him to come along.

A third of the petrol or whatever would be fine. You can work the petrol cost out on route planner.

The trouble is - sometimes people take the piss, I have a friend who always makes up some excuse about not driving even when it would make more sense to so I always do. She always manages to forget to give me petrol money/parking or hasn't got any cash left.

Drives me insane as its always an even she wants to go to then will make some excuse just before about why I have to drive. I even ended up doing this with a 6 week old baby for a 500 mile round trip (in one day) I was exhausted as the baby woke up 10 minutes after I arrived home at 2am!

[valiumredhead]

Not if I was going anyway.

[Astley]

If he offered and you suggested your car instead ai would definetly refuse. He's clearly not trying to freeload. I would accept a hot drink or sandwich at the services and then if the situation is reversed I would do the same for him.

[Steffanoid]

I would offer it, would accept it to, the friend is saving money he would have spent going alone and still be able to go as it would be expensive alone and may have deterred him, if you would offer it would be reasonable to expect the friend to reciprocate
YANBU

[workhell]

Thanks for all the replies! Very mixed though!

We were going to go in his car but we offered ours as it is bigger. As I said I would probably insist we give him money but feel uncomfortable accepting it, not least because I don't want us to come across as tight! We aren't poor but are trying to save. Hotel is 180pounds and spending money etc all adds up. I think petrol will be at least 80pounds? Not sure how much DH pays for a tank.

Tbh I think it's too awkward to take the money so will probably give a flat no now!

[KatyDid02]

Oh, forget to add, OP YANBU.

[KatyDid02]

It depends. Does he drive and so is saving petrol money by going with you? If he does, then I'd accept a contribution, if not then I'd probably settle for a bottle of wine.
I wouldn't expect either though.

[deleted203]

I would. I wouldn't expect or accept petrol money for a 30 mile journey, say. But 250? I'd quite happily say, 'thanks very much. I don't mind driving and we'll split the petrol costs'.

I wouldn't expect someone to take me that distance and not offer petrol money either.

[LadyBeagleEyes]

I don't drive and often take lifts if people offer.
Whether they're going anyway isn't the point, 250 miles is a long way and a lot of money.
i would always offer to pay half.

[JackieTheFart]

YANBU. I'd offer and I'd accept.

[Choccywoccydodah]

Sorry, I read friends not friend. Need to divide total by 3 in that case

[Choccywoccydodah]

Why should you pay? They're obviously going too, so why not jump in their car and you get a free ride?
Fill your car totally up before you go, fill it again when you get there and your friends pay, then again when you get back and you pay (or don't bother, as it's your car so you'll pay to refill it when needed).
It's expensive to run a car these days, and the joys of car sharing is you get to split the cost surely? They're only paying for fuel, you've still got the wear and tear!
I know we'd split it if it was between our friends, but that's just how we all are, no one should be out of pocket.

[starfishmummy]

If it was a journey I was making anyway then I would suggest they get coffees or lay for the car parking

[theoriginalandbestrookie]

My gut instinct was yes you should take some money from him, but then I thought about it some more.

You're going anyway and there is only one of him and more of you, and whatever way you work it out, it looks a bit mean.

Say that he can get the coffees in at the service station on the way there and back ( which is probably more than the share of the petrol anyway )

[landofsoapandglory]

I agree with whois.

I would expect to share the petrol costs on a 500 mile round trip.

[Londonseye]

I would offer to pay friends if they did this for me, and as a driver I would accept a contribution. It's not unreasonable. I assume getting a lift with you will be saving the friend money either way? I think the token of the offer is lovely

[SirChenjin]

I would accept and I would offer too. I seem to recall that a car that weighs more uses more petrol, so the more passengers you have in your car the more it costs to fill up. I wouldn't feel right about not offering petrol money, even if the person was going there anyway and would be mortified if they refused.