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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my FIL is a dick

19 replies

MummyKnight · 13/05/2013 00:27

My FIL is really annoying me. He really creeps me out by describing my 6 month old baby as sexy! eg sexy knees, sexy boots etc I find this really creepy and disgusting and we've asked him not to do it repeatedly but he still keeps doing it.

Also he worries about every little thing. If my baby has hiccups or coughs he panics and thinks something is terribly wrong. Every single time we see him he says "she's got a pain in her tum" (he's been saying that every time without fail since the day she was born) and he keeps trying to give her either gripe water or brandy to ease it!!!!!!! Today she was crying with teething pain and I'd forgotten the calpol so I popped out for literally 5 mins to get some from the shop and left her with her daddy, while I was out they rang and asked me to get gripe water for "the pain in her tum". When I returned FIL was on the phone to his doctors surgery (not ours) as an emergency and asking for advice. When the poor receptionist asked for contact details so she could get a nurse to call back he shouted at her for not helping. Then an hour later (baby had taken calpol, had a feed and was fine and fast asleep at this point) a nurse called back and he called her a stupid woman for not helping when he "needed advice", the nurse then wanted to speak to me and understandably was angry about being called stupid. I apologised several times and explained about the over anxious FIL and thankfully she saw the funny side. When I got off the phone FIL was still complaining about the doctors receptionist and what poor service it was and insists that next time my baby is like that he'll just call 999!!

Am I being unreasonable to think he's out of order?

OP posts:

5318008 · 13/05/2013 00:28

what does your husband or partner say?

Goldmandra · 13/05/2013 00:30

He sounds like a loon.

He would seriously call 999 because she was crying? Was he just venting when he said that?

Original poster

MummyKnight · 13/05/2013 00:31

He just brushes it off saying oh he just worries, what can we do. Hubby doesn't seem too bothered but then nothing ever bothers or annoys him.

OP posts:

RiotsNotDiets · 13/05/2013 00:33

did anything happen with your partner when he was a baby/child? Sounds like FIL has some ishoos, maybe something from the past affecting present judgement. I'm not sure he's being a dick on this count, just really loves your DC and panicky for some reason.

The sexy thing is gross and I don't know why people do it. Maybe you need to be a little clearer as to why it is inappropriate i.e. it makes him sound like a paedo

Snazzynewyear · 13/05/2013 00:33

That is all a bit weird, yes. Say straight out 'I find it weird that you call a 6 month old baby 'sexy' anything'. Or go 'oh, creepy granddad is here' etc when he does it and then when he objects say 'well, you call her sexy, I'm calling you creepy'.

Also, he can't give her brandy! You can't control how he deals with other people like the nurse but you have to stop him doing anything potentially harmful like that to the baby.

Why didn't his son tell him to calm down while you were out?

Original poster

MummyKnight · 13/05/2013 00:35

@ Goldmandra I think it was partially venting and partially because he got into such a panic because she was so upset and he just didn't know what to do so he decided a healthcare professional could help. Tbh after the way he behavec today I wouldn't be surprised if he did dial 999

OP posts:

TattyBoomBoom · 13/05/2013 00:37

I would not be leaving my baby with him.

Even with your DH present as it sounds like he is a wet blanket.

Yanbu.

Original poster

MummyKnight · 13/05/2013 00:42

@ riotsnotdiets he was away working when my hubby and his brother were little so he hasn't really been around any babies. Maybe that's why he panics because he has no clue about babies and what they do.

@snazzynewyear will definitely have to try the creepy grandad tactic!! Do far the brandy thing seems to be more talk than action but I'm certainly never going to be leaving her alone with him now. As for hubby he didn't realise what his dad was up to until it was too late because he was trying to calm baby

OP posts:

GingerBlondecat · 13/05/2013 08:46

Never mind the brandy for Baby, I'll give you just for putting up with this very strange man

kotinka · 13/05/2013 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MummyKnight · 13/05/2013 10:49

Lol thanks Gingerblondecat, I definitely need to take you up on that!!!

Kotinka - I've got no idea how I've managed to keep my cool around him! The sexy thing makes me feel sick and to me it makes him sound like a peadophile.

I think if I say something to him he might listen, up until now I've left it for my hubby to deal with. I'm not going to be quiet anymore!!!!

Thanks for all the help and advice everybody, I feel loads better now and don't feel like I was over reacting.

OP posts:

EffieTheDuck · 13/05/2013 10:53

Does your FIL come round to visit a lot? Try a subtle bit of distance until your child is 37

Original poster

MummyKnight · 13/05/2013 21:45

No he never comes round to ours. We always have to got to them, they only live 30 mins away!!!

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 13/05/2013 21:49

If it were you doing all that, there would be posts going 'there there dear, have you got anxiety'?

I do think describing him as a paedophile is apaulling on yor part - he;s using definition 3 from the dictionary - 'sexy' although annoying, is in common usage.

World English Dictionary

sexy (ˈsɛksɪ) [Click for IPA pronunciation guide]

? adj , sexier , sexiest

provoking or intended to provoke sexual interest: a sexy dress ; a sexy book
feeling sexual interest; aroused
interesting, exciting, or trendy: a sexy project ; a sexy new car

msrisotto · 13/05/2013 21:54

N one has called him a paedophile, just said that it makes him sound like one! And meaning 3 is much less common than the other two.

Hemlet · 13/05/2013 21:58

I don't think sexy is an appropriate name for a baby - however you try to dress it up.

CrapBag · 13/05/2013 22:01

Hate the sexy thing. Bloody horrible.

He sounds like a pain in the ass tbh. I would be limiting my time there and he would definitely not be looking after my child.

Don't actually have any practical advice, sorry. Other than your DH needs to stand up and tell him to shut the hell up and chill out.

Original poster

MummyKnight · 14/05/2013 00:20

@ hollyberrybush if you read my post properly you will see that I didn't call him a peadophile, I merely stated that using the expression "sexy" to describe a six month old sounds like something a peadophile might say in my opinion.
Do you honestly believe that it is appropriate for a grandfather to describe his granddaughter as sexy? Especially at six months old. I certainly don't.

Also I wanted to thank you for two things, firstly your assumption that I do not know the meaning of the word sexy and secondly for showing me what it means. Due to that helpful link I thought this might interest you (note the correct spelling)
oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/appalling?q=appalling

OP posts:

lottiegarbanzo · 14/05/2013 00:49

Maybe FIL has a pain in his tum and would like some soothing brandy?

Sounds like he's used to being in control and working with things that can be fixed, so finds his own lack of power to take charge of the situation and solve the 'problem' of crying very, very stressful.

Reassurance that it's normal and you're dealing with it should help but doesn't sound like it is, so, um, more brandy? Yoga?

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