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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

the woman that killed herself over the bedroom tax

164 replies

marjproops · 12/05/2013 19:58

terrible story.

one of the politicians saying on the news she must have had other probs to have done this?

another government excuse to fob off what theyve done?

womans son said she was fine before BT came into fruition. he said its the people in big offices and big houses that have done this, and she said in her suicide note its their fault.

Im really struggling too with this BT , Im sure lots of people are, someone on the news said its not fair especially on the disabled who've had adaptations made, (we're in that category).

so....another fob off by the government, or do you think theyll stop this anytime soon?

OP posts:
C999875 · 13/05/2013 13:40

Hi Likeitorlumpit.
Well at least you have had the guts to say sorry and we are not here to argue or make enemies of course we're not.

If only your first post though was as open minded and explanatory as your latest post, but you have aknowledged that your words did hurt and for that you have apologised and I don't you can't do anymore. xx

kim147 · 13/05/2013 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 13/05/2013 13:41

likeitorlumpit, the problem is that by the time somebody gets to the suicidal state they are no longer thinking straight. You might as well say it was selfish of dd to keep shouting when she was delirious from a kidney disorder. Or selfish of my grandma not to acknowledge me when she was suffering from dementia. It was terribly upsetting to hear my grandma saying that she had no idea who I was. But she couldn't help that.

I know how angry you get when somebody close to you kills themselves or tries to kill themselves. I was angry with dd.

But then dd's friend was angry with her mum for dying from cancer. It doesn't actually mean that her mum could help that.

If you are having to deal with the feelings arising from this, it might be a good idea to find somebody to talk to about it. But I don't think a public forum is the right place.

likeitorlumpit · 13/05/2013 13:43

i cant apologise enough i was just angry and wrote the first thought in my head, not given a thought to anyone else , yes it was selfish and ignorant , and ill be more careful in future not to just blurt stuff out and upset people , i really wasnt here to make enemies or cause a row .

kim147 · 13/05/2013 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FasterStronger · 13/05/2013 13:45

the problem is that by the time somebody gets to the suicidal state they are no longer thinking straight.

that's not correct. my dad made a logical decision that the life he had was too far away from what he wanted. you can be suicidal and rational.

Tiredmumno1 · 13/05/2013 13:47

Likeitorlumpit, thank you for apologising. It can obviously be hard for all parties involved, but every situation is different, which you have acknowledged. I can understand why you wrote it in anger though.

I don't do enemies Smile

FasterStronger · 13/05/2013 13:48

cory - But I don't think a public forum is the right place.

your are not the MN police. we don't all have to agree.

cory · 13/05/2013 13:48

thanks for coming back to explain

and I can relate to your feelings of anger too

NC78 · 13/05/2013 13:52

There could be 1001 reasons why she did not get/ apply for DLA. I know someone who cannot read and write well enough to apply for certain benefits to which they are entitled and too proud to ask for help.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 13/05/2013 13:53

Likeit thank you for the apology.......sounds like you have been through the mill too.

Trouble is, I think that a majority of the time when a person is thatysuicidal they are not rational at all, they aren't thinking like you or me, they are just in a black fog of which there is no way out.

My BIL has no MH issues, no history of depression etc etc which is why it was such a massive shock to us. He had been ill with a sickness bug that week and managed to convince himself that he was dying. When we went round his house he had been shopping and stocked up the fridge, had bought lots of new clothes, not the actions of someone wanting to end their life at all. I personally think that he woke up on the Monday morning is severe pain and decided he was dying and he couldn't go on. He nursed his dad through cancer, his mum through dementia and probably thought who the hell was going to nurse him. He was a very shy guy and never had a relationship but we all loved him so much, we would have nursed him but he just couldn't see that at that time. I think he had a bit of a melt down and unfortunately did something from which there is no coming back. He wasn't thinking about what he was going to do to us, to the brother who found him, I think he was thinking he was saving us from caring for him.

There are of course instances in which people are ill or injured or whatever and the quality of life is so poor they just want to end it. I totally respect that - people sometimes have to live with conditions we wouldn't even let an animal suffer with :(

Dawndonna · 13/05/2013 14:02

Likeit It takes courage to apologise publicly. Well done, you. I hope life becomes easier for you.

Dawndonna · 13/05/2013 14:03

likeit
You've chosen not to receive pms, but you would probably find you'd get quite a bit of support if you wanted it.

likeitorlumpit · 13/05/2013 14:17

dawn i was just this minute trying to pm betty but i dont know how to , i must of changed settings when i joined and dont know how to change them back , thanks to the people who dont bear a grudge , wish i was a bit more understanding like you Blush i was talking to my mum about things before i came back on here , and she made me realise i was being pig headed and not listening to any other situations ,that made me feel a bit ashamed i must admit , im going to name change and hide this thread now and hope to be a better person from it all x

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 13/05/2013 14:21

Likeit - we all get hardened by life sadly, lots of people have said I am a lot harder since my mum died.

You were big enough to apologise so you are obviously more understanding than you give yourself credit for.

Dawndonna · 13/05/2013 14:26

Likeit You don't have to do that, nobody bears a grudge. I do thnk you need to talk to somebody though. If you do name change, try and pm me. I'm sure Betty would appreciate that too.

Dawndonna · 13/05/2013 14:27

You may need to untick something in your registration box or summat . Grin
Go to MyMumsnet at the top and see if that helps.

lougle · 13/05/2013 14:27

IB is for people who have worked in the last 3 years. You can't get it 'just' for being ill. You have to have recently worked more than 16 hours per week, which is unlikely if you are long-term sick/disabled.

likeit - I hope you get the help you need. Suicide is a surreal situation for everyone involved.

Darkesteyes · 13/05/2013 15:57

DLA is also NOT an out of work benefit. As well as being bloody hard to get now as other posters have mentioned.

FasterStronger · 13/05/2013 16:55

however this women had been unable to work for years/decades and yet had never made claim for any type of disability benefit according to the Sun.

so recent changes cannot be the explanation.

Darkesteyes · 13/05/2013 17:07

DLA has never been easy to claim despite what you read in the Daily Mail.

SirBoobAlot · 13/05/2013 17:08

Likeit, thank you for coming back to apologise, and I'm sorry to hear about your loss. There are some great options for accessing support to help you process things, if you should choose to do so.

Like others have said, there is no need to namechange :)

Suicide is such a taboo... And is still so misunderstood. I've attempted, found friends after attempts, supported them through recovery... Sadly not everyone has been okay. It breaks the hearts of everyone around, but when you are there, feeling that much, or feeling nothing at all - you are not being deliberately selfish, you just cannot see an alternative. It's horrible being left in the shockwaves of any death. But my immediate reaction to any suicide is always sadness, because I know just how much someone must be hurting to feel that is what they need to do.

SirBoobAlot · 13/05/2013 17:10

And sentence that is finished with "... according to the Sun..." is one that I would take with a pinch of salt tbh.

Original poster
marjproops · 13/05/2013 17:53

I went to the bank today. because of all these changes im getting less money.

I or DC dont get DLA because even thouhg we both have severe mobility probs we can put our feet on the floor. thats their excuse.

we dont gewt any help with our car and i had to fork out hundreds to get it fixed.

ive had to sell some furniture to make ends meet-for now.

food has gone up.

if i cant get rent paid we are homeless.

OP posts:
racmun · 13/05/2013 18:29

It is a very sad story but there must have been other issues at play and this must have been the one that tipped the balance.

I can see what the govt are trying to do, it is very sad for families with children when they are stuck in unsuitable housing for months/years.
It does seem fairly ludicrous that you can have one person living in a 3 bed house for example when a family with maybe 3 or 4 children are holed up in a flat.

I know that the single person may have lived there for years etc, but surely you need to accept as a council tenant that you may have to downsize at some point? Many many owner occupies downsize because they have to.

I know there may not be suitable properties readily available but surely they need to implement a scheme whereby if you are prepared to move you register your property and you then don't have to pay the tax pending a suitable alternative property being found. Clearly you need a definition of what a suitable alternative property is and then if the person is being unreasonable in moving the tax would kick back in.

As got disabled people being adversely affected that is a disgrace and needs to be addressed ASAP.