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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

the woman that killed herself over the bedroom tax

164 replies

marjproops · 12/05/2013 19:58

terrible story.

one of the politicians saying on the news she must have had other probs to have done this?

another government excuse to fob off what theyve done?

womans son said she was fine before BT came into fruition. he said its the people in big offices and big houses that have done this, and she said in her suicide note its their fault.

Im really struggling too with this BT , Im sure lots of people are, someone on the news said its not fair especially on the disabled who've had adaptations made, (we're in that category).

so....another fob off by the government, or do you think theyll stop this anytime soon?

OP posts:
CarpeVinum · 13/05/2013 10:54

everyone has an opinion

Yes. They do. That doesn't stop it being one that is ill informed and almost designed to cause pain to people already dealing with grief and the long lasting emotional scars associated with losing a loved one to suicide.

You ask a woman in the early stages of grief and loss to "calm down". If that is reasonable and esay to do then how much more so it is to take a moment to consider the impact of words before spewing them on a thread that is likely to attract the attention of people with very raw emotions.

msrisotto · 13/05/2013 10:55

If she had a disability which prevented her from working, why wasn't she receiving DLA?

And I think it is more reasonable to be asking where the support of her family was (re: moving and decorating and possibly applying for DLA) than to be putting all of the blame on the government who are already providing her with housing! Don't forget that they did offer her an alternative.

SirBoobAlot · 13/05/2013 11:06

Because DLA - and the PIP - is fucked up, and bloody hard to be awarded.

BreconBeBuggered · 13/05/2013 11:06

I don't know the intimate details of this poor woman's back story, but it's not uncommon to be too disabled/sick to work but still not qualify for DLA or its successor PIP.

AgentZigzag · 13/05/2013 11:11

You really are a total and utter twat likeitorlumpit Smile

FasterStronger · 13/05/2013 11:14

Because DLA - and the PIP - is fucked up, and bloody hard to be awarded.

according to the Sun she has never applied for any disability benefit - over decades.

everlong · 13/05/2013 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeffalumpTheFlump · 13/05/2013 11:18

I do also agree with sirboobalot, I do not personally agree with the way in which this woman chose to end her life, but it's obvious she was completely desperate. Likeitorlumpit I really hope your words don't come back to haunt you one day.

PeneloPeePitstop · 13/05/2013 11:18

Seriously "why not apply for DLA".
Enough of us have posted here about the decimation of the welfare system. You can't just apply for ESA and DLA now without being assessed by a private company who gets paid bonuses for getting people off these benefits. The word of your specialist consultant means zilch over these non specialist healthcare staff (not all doctors).

According to one such nurse if you can press a button with one finger you can work in a supermarket (C4 Dispatches)

Tiredmumno1 · 13/05/2013 11:25

Real nice likeitorlumpit Hmm

I lost my little boy when I was 20 weeks pregnant in December then buried him in January, I was diagnosed with PND and in my darkest days at the beginning I wanted to throw myself out the window, not because I wanted to punish others but because I was hurting so bad. Luckily my DH knows me inside out and was there to stop me (thank goodness). My point is, saying things like that is hurtful, it wasn't my fault, it's been a hard time so maybe you should think before commenting like that again.

everlong · 13/05/2013 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lougle · 13/05/2013 11:39

DLA is only applicable if you have care needs or mobility needs. If you are too ill to work, but able to care for yourself, you don't qualify.

For someone who is unwell, an offer of a house 30 minutes' walk from the nearest bus-stop and miles from family, is not an offer, imo.

FasterStronger · 13/05/2013 11:41

but she had not claimed IB either.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 13/05/2013 12:11

Likeit - do fuck off - I don't need to calm down thank you, but these ignorant comments make my blood boil. We will be burying a young man on wednesday lost to suicide, we don't need your warped thoughts on it.

Ever thank you and I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Suicide is an utter tragedy and I never ever thought in a million years my family would be effected by it. It just beggars belief and we will never know...never understand....but we can't hate him for it, he was obviously in the pits of despair and despite us being a loving family he just didn't feel able to talk to us.

Tired I am so sorry for the loss of your baby.

So sad we all have to read such ignorant comments.

cory · 13/05/2013 12:33

I used to think it would be very selfish to commit suicide other than in the most considerate and thought out manner. Until dd made two attempts. Then I realised that by the time you are jumping out of that window or swallowing those pills, you are not in that place where you can think and consider. From the outside, from my mind, her problems looked perfectly solvable. From inside her mind, I might as well have been holding that gun to her head. Sad

Dawndonna · 13/05/2013 13:13

Like it. If you think that you are somehow able to take the moral high ground with passive/aggressive smileys and no swearing, you are vary much mistaken. You are in fact making it worse. You. Have upset people with an insensitive analysis, the adult thing to do would be to apologise and bugger off.

Dawndonna · 13/05/2013 13:14

Very. Apologies, blooming iPad!

C999875 · 13/05/2013 13:18

Likeitorlumpit. My goodness how suited are you to your user name. By your narrow minded comments. I am sure I can be forgiven for making the asumption that your life is fantastic. Well it must be. Yes things may be fine now but life can sneak on up on you when you least expect it and it's usually when you think everything's o.k. How ever I hope it does not. x

Tiredmumno1 · 13/05/2013 13:19

Thank you everlong and Betty

Everlong I'm sorry to hear about your DS x

Betty I'm also sorry to hear about your BIL, I hope you all manage to get through Wednesday as best you can x

likeitorlumpit · 13/05/2013 13:20

thanks for the flaming everyone , sorry if my opinion has upset anyone , i wasnt slagging anyone off , in my situation i think it is selfish ,i think its selfish that a dad puts his head in the oven and doesnt give a shit that his child will be the one to find him ? , or his child will forever feel guilty that they couldnt stop them and have to live a life of what ifs ,they put their self out of the misery but let others carry the burden , so in this case yes it was selfish , sorry for any offence to others , i know there are different scenarios , , im not stupid enough to think every one and every situation is the same , i wrote that in anger and i really apologise for any upset or offence to anyone .

everlong · 13/05/2013 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

C999875 · 13/05/2013 13:28

Hi Betty. So sorry to read about the suicide in your the young man in your family and you do not need me to point out that hurtful comments are the last thing that a greaving family needs.

You're right though you can't hate. As you say this poor man must have been in dispair. Suicide must be the the most painful way to lose someone. To know that a person was in that much emotional pain must cut like a knife. Love and thoughts also to everyone who is suffering from depression and to all others who have lost a loved one to suicide. xxx

Dawndonna · 13/05/2013 13:31

Like it. Are you talking to someone about it?

FasterStronger · 13/05/2013 13:36

my dad was unable to kill himself due to being unable to use his arms or legs or sit up.

it meant he asked me to do it - which I do think was selfish. he did succeed in the end and I also think that act was selfish.

I don't think he had depression & no doctor diagnosed it - it a logical decision that this was not a life he wanted. I think it was selfish he wanted to die more than see his family.

likeitorlumpit · 13/05/2013 13:40

no dawn it was a long time ago , this is my only experience of suicide so that is my only thought on it ,it makes me so angry , i have kids and would never put them through that pain , i know everyone is different and cant cope with things , i know my post sounded hard and ignorant but that is my only dealing with suicide , so was only saying how i felt , i am really sorry ive upset anyone ,i wasnt thinking about others and how they felt if it happened to someone in their family in a different way .