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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give a box of maltesers as a birthday present for a 9yo?

73 replies

TwoFourSixOhOne · 11/05/2013 10:12

DD has a party today at 12. We had planned to go into town to get a present this morning, but she has spent the last two hours in a meltdown, horrible awful screeching and spitting and swearing.

We know it's because she is wound up about the party, it's not a particualr friend of hers but it is someone she looks up to, it's a cool disco party and she's spoken of nothing else for weeks. I'm not going to stop her going to the party, before anyone says that, she is being assessed for a demand avoidance disorder and there is a direct correlation between her excitement and her meltdown.

However, I'm not prepared to rush around now and buy a gift, I've told her she can go to the shop over the road and buy a box of maltesers or similar and wrap those up.

We've had similar gifts at parties (often with a 'sorry, it was last minute' apology) but I am v laid back about presents, I know some people aren't. Woudl you be pissed off or judgy if your DD got a present like that? I dont' know this family at all.

AIBU?

(and yes, I know I should have a box of ready to wrap presents or got something weeks ago but we are just not that organised, sorry)

OP posts:

Fancydrawers · 11/05/2013 10:13

Fuck it, get the maltesers. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Bowlersarm · 11/05/2013 10:14

What about popping a £5 in the card as well?

HollyBerryBush · 11/05/2013 10:14

a demand avoidance disorder

What does that mean?

Sparklingbrook · 11/05/2013 10:18

Is that not doing what she is told Holly?

I would do Maltesers and £5 in the card.

Original poster

TwoFourSixOhOne · 11/05/2013 10:18

Pathalogical Demand Avoidance

OP posts:

TwoFourSixOhOne · 11/05/2013 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Original poster

TwoFourSixOhOne · 11/05/2013 10:21

But thank you for the suggestions, maltesers and a fiver it is.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 11/05/2013 10:21

You know if after the assessment it is confirmed she has this Two what happens then?

Sparklingbrook · 11/05/2013 10:22

I apologise Two. I didn't know. Now I do. Blimey.

northcountrygirl · 11/05/2013 10:22

To be honest my children find sweets the best presents of all. They don't really care what things cost and neither should we.

kelda · 11/05/2013 10:23

I agree, maltesers and a fiver, my 9 year old would be happy with that.

Hope she gets the help she needs

SavoyCabbage · 11/05/2013 10:23

My dd is 9 and she would love a box of maltesers.

HollyBerryBush · 11/05/2013 10:24

I'd not heard the expression, thank you for the link, I shall no go read it

WilsonFrickett · 11/05/2013 10:24

Then she implements strategies to deal with it. Like she's probably doing now sparkling. But sometimes the strategies don't work especially when the child has worked herself into a fever pitch of excitement and stress about a socially-loaded and complicated event

WilsonFrickett · 11/05/2013 10:25

X post with your apology sparking - sorry for the snip.

Sparklingbrook · 11/05/2013 10:25

woopsidaisy · 11/05/2013 10:26

I'm 38 and I'd love a box of Malteasers! It is fine. Hope she enjoys the party.

Mistyshore · 11/05/2013 10:26

I'd put £5 in card too.

I don't know the background at all but I do remember being 12 and desperate to get friendly with the cool gang. 12 year old's can be quite bitchy between their friends and dd is probably worried that her cool friend will know it was a cheap present and take the piss. The girl's parents won't give the gift a second thought.

Original poster

TwoFourSixOhOne · 11/05/2013 10:27

It's ok, sorry I told you to f off, it's been a pig of a morning .

I'm not sure what happens when we're through the process, she might get some help at school (where she acheives very little), we'll certainly get some help in 'managing' her.

Since we were given this information though and treated her accordingly (instead of as though she is naughty or wilful) life has improved immeasurably for all of us.

It's not a very well known thing, although it is becoming more so and I get a gutful of naughty child comments from well meaning relatives.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 11/05/2013 10:30

I'm sorry too. My first thought on reading the description was that both my DSs have that but they really just don't do as they are told.

Sounds like a real battle, hope there is help available. Lots of tongue biting when the relatives come round then?

Original poster

TwoFourSixOhOne · 11/05/2013 10:31

And honestly, before we lived with this and I knew what it was, I would have been eyerolling to the extreme at this sort of label for what appear to be badly behaved brats

It's much more than that though. Which is hard to remember when she's howling and snarling at me because I've asked her to put her shoes on.

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 11/05/2013 10:31

Theres a couple of interesting threads in SN and SN chat about PDA op.

Original poster

TwoFourSixOhOne · 11/05/2013 10:33

Oh yes, lots.

I get told, 'she only speaks to you like that because you let her, if you were more consistent she wouldn't behave like that, she's just pulling your chain, give her a smack'.

I have almost perfected the nod and smile.

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 11/05/2013 10:33

Hugs all round?

Original poster

TwoFourSixOhOne · 11/05/2013 10:33

Thanks Wilson, I have posted there before (serial namechanger) and received some fantastic advice.

OP posts:

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