AIBU to not book a holiday, as it will be crap?

[PartyFops]

I really fancy a holiday in the sun this year, nowhere far away, maybe drive over to France and get a nice cottage somewhere just for a change of scenery. Although, whenever I think about it, I just know it will be boring as sin and event-less, DH is terribly boring IMO he doesn't drink (I don't want him to get slaughtered, but to join me in the glass of the local vino would be nice occassionaly), he doesn't like long lunches, he doesn't like sitting in the sun for any length of time, he doesn't like going into local cities as it 'may' involve shopping, he doesn't really read, so he wont sit and relax. He won't go to a beach, and he won't go swimming!

Maybe we just have very different ideas of what a holiday is. Normally, we bring out dog on holiday and his day involves around walking her, which is fine and I enjoy that and love looking at different scenery, but I want to go and relax and do different things from at home.

Plus I would need to organise every single aspect of it, all on my own! Which always puts me off!

What do you do on holiday that's fun?

Anyone want to take me away with them?

I think holidays are such a bone of contention because one person's idea of bliss is another person's idea of hell on earth. So it's best to go on holiday with somebody you agree with. My DH likes a lazy holiday and so do I. But I also like sightseeing in capital cities which he totally hates. And looking at churches abroad and such like which he hates as well. But we just have to compromise.

In fact on reflection I think we have both lost the ability to have fun together whatever country we are in!

The last time we had fun together was when we went on a skiing holiday 3/4 years ago, we both really like skiing (although not together I ski and he boards, so we ski/board alone )

We would meet half way down , have a drink and then continue and it was fun.

But skiing holidays are hard work and not like relaxing in the sun.

Sorry correction about the drinking, he does drink but only a beer or 2, but there's nothing like being in France or Italy and getting a bit tipsy on the local wine.

I like skiing but it is expensive. I'm some sympathy with your DH here, although that may lead to being branded a boring fucker on here. I don't like hot weather, I don't like sand and I don't drink. While I enjoy wandering around shops every day in the heat would be hideous, and I love reading but do that at home. Sorry!

Oh OP that's all a bit sad then. Don't know your solution. Save for skiing holiday next winter (or can you do both anyway?) and have days out over the summer?

What about somewhere that has water sports ?

That way you can both do your own thing while sharing the care for dd and then meeting up and sharing stories .

How long have you been together ? Fun is needed , especially when you have a two yr old around .

AF

Lol sweetest sorry about your drink!!

Op that's sad. Life and especially holidays needs to be all about having fun as you are a long time dead.

You need to talk and reach a compromise.

Or holiday with the girls.

PartyFops would love your DH to read this thread-can imagine him outraged at your painting a picture of him as such a boring old fart

I don't drink or sunbathe or shop very much and I'm really fun to go on holiday with, honest!

Go on holiday with someone else OP.

Oh and he has zero sex drive too which I think lead to us losing any fun in our relationship.

But having a 2 year old doesn't help that either I suppose.

Maybe I'm just being harsh, he is otherwise such a lovely man, he would do almost anything for me, he helps a lot with dd, he is generous, he is loving ( in some ways). And I adore him, I just want to feel fulfilled and not stuck in a rut until we die.

We just came back from our best holiday ever. DH did his own thing (not sure what, but it involved beer, making friends and boring stuff), teenage DD did her own thing (mostly volley ball with boys) and I lay under a sunshade reading several books. We all met up for dinner in the evening, to talk about what a lovely holiday we were having.

Maybe this isnt actually about a holiday OP?

Reading your last post OP I think you need to get away together to get some relaxation/connection time. Just book it.

What a boring bastard.
I would have to go on my own.
I line to spend at least fifty percent of my holiday pissed or getting there and the other fifty percent prone on a beach.
Fortunately dh likes to do the same. We do particularly enjoy a game of drunken scrabble when kids in bed.
I have find memories of camping in France last year and cycling in a wobbly way to the toilets at bedtime and hearing dh killing himself laughing at the sight.
Would hate a bore.

This is going to be one of those threads where the OP drip feeds facts about her DH which seem fairly innocuous at first but then there's a big reveal:

OP: "AND he likes to dress as a vicar every Thursday while wanking furiously into a bowl of jelly. He doesn't even like jelly."

Followed by:

till someone says "Leave the bastard".

LTB a DH who doesn't swim???
What ever use on God's green earth is one of those.

Holidays need pools, sea and the biggest possible watermark with loads of slides and a wave machine. A DH who didn't understand this wouldn't have got a second date.

curly. I'm not waiting for someone to say LTB, I just want us to have some fun together.

No more drip feeding I promise!

Although he would probably leave me if he read this thread!

It's everybodys holiday so I think if you've vetoed the dog then it's fair to allow him one veto. Then you find something that has something for everyone - a beach with cycling trails nearby sounds perfect - and agree to have one day each that the other will join in no questions asked and one day each in sole charge of dd. Evenings spent together - if one wants to go somewhere specific then it happens.

If he doesn't want to get tipsy don't force it, it doesn't stop you enjoying a bottle of the local offerings. He might get into the swing of things if it's not a forced issue.

I do sympathise, dp and I have very different ideas on what constitutes a good time, the balance we've found works is the ability to entertain ourselves but the realisation that occasionally we have to suck it up and do something we'd rather not because it's important to the other one to share it. I don't want dp to go to the theatre just to have someone escort me, it's genuinely something I really enjoy and want him to experience with me. When he's gone he's enjoyed it, but it's still something that he'd never look to do himself.

Bascially if I were you I'd spell it out to him that even if it's not something he wants to do it's important to you - much as being an adult means doing what you want, it doesn't mean you get to duck out of everything on the basis of not fancying it. He's part of a family meaning his needs get taken into consideration but aren't the only factors at play.

He may as well get used to it. What if your dd gets into a competitive sport or dancing and wants her dad there to support her - will he really refuse on the basis of not fancying it? It's the same principle.

I am going to make eyes roll here and say that his apparent inability to relax, have fun, and low libido might signal depression .........

Are you married to my ex ?? :)

We once went away and he sat inside the whole time as he was tired and didn't want to do anything but occasionally walk the dog or watch tv. That was IT.

I spent the whole holiday as a single parent with dd doing everything. So when we came back I decided I would be a single parent. And so that's what I became (the holiday was the last straw really).

I also had another ex who drove me nuts on holiday in a different way.

I think it's a big part of a relationship to have someone you can enjoy these things with. I am now married to a lovely dh ... we have great holidays even if it's just to haven :)

Curly, that was very funny!
We should all take the OP on holiday and show her a good time!

Honestly I have the same problem, your husband sounds like my dp! He hates the sun, I love it, has never been abroad and says 'what you've never had you dont miss', doesn't drink (I like wine) and is scared of water. He gets a headache after ten minutes in the sun when it's hot here! Therefore I haven't been on holiday since iv been with him and it's starting to annoy me, I'm sun deficient!

You arnt being unreasonable imo.

I forgot to add to that mammoth post that you must remember that although compromise is important, your happiness is your own responsibility. Sometimes you have to just not give a shit and do it on your own while some sulky pants watches on.

If it makes you happy to work an element into a holiday that you know he'd enjoy then that's just peachy - but if his general apathy steers you to do something you'd hate the whole idea of then it's not really a compromise.

His attitude might be a symptom of deeper things - but I really believe moods and attitudes are contagious. Your fed up - he's fed up. Do something to please yourself and it might egg him on to start enjoying himself a bit more.

He's not depressed, i think he has some body confidence issues, and he is self employed and can get stressed, he can relax in many ways, it's more his inability to let himself go and have fun.

I.e he won't go swimming as he doesn't want to be seen in swim shorts, he is a little overweight, not massively, but then so am I and I take dd swimming every week.