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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stay in an hotel for the night just so I can sleep?

74 replies

insomniarules · 10/05/2013 08:18

Or is it really selfish to leave DH with DCs for one night, after they have been put to bed, and come back early in the morning?
I have not slept properly for years now but had an amazing night last Friday when DH was away. I slept beautifully and felt normal for the first time in a while.
Is it cheeky to just book a room and go?

OP posts:
AnythingNotEverything · 10/05/2013 08:24

Is it DH that stops you sleeping or the DCs?!

bubblesinthesky · 10/05/2013 08:26

So is your DH the problem or the children? Does he snore and wriggle keeping you awake?

If its your DH do you ahve a spare room you could spend a night or two in?

If its the children then YANBU as they'll disturb you where ever you are. I'm so exhausted lately I started fantasising about being admitted to hospital with something minor and curable!! A hotel sounds much nicer though

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 10/05/2013 08:33

What stops you from sleeping well at home?

Haggisfish · 10/05/2013 08:38

YANBU - you would also be able to have the luxury of an uniterrupted bath, dinner and breakfast, possibly leisurely reading some newspapers as well. And watching what you want on TV. Go for it.

Original poster
insomniarules · 10/05/2013 08:38

Itching and scratching keeps me awake, I can drift off then wake up scratching my skin and it is incredibly painful. I have had loads of tests, waiting on a thyroid one and under a consultant dermatologist. I take antihistamines and an immuno-suppresant.I eat and drink properly etc etc. I have done everything I can but the itching combined with DH's incessant snoring and, last night, DD crying on and off meant I didn't drift off until around 4am. Up at 6am.
I really think I can't cope anymore with this. I am not me as I am constantly sleep deprived.
No spare room and no where else to sleep...

OP posts:
Cravingdairy · 10/05/2013 08:50

I think you should.

bubblesinthesky · 10/05/2013 09:01

In that case OP give it a go. It sounds like you need it.

Itching is miserable. I had obstetric cholestatis during both of my pregnancies and was so itchy and miserable I had to lie on the tiled hall floor naked as it seemed to be the only relief I could get. Like you I lost a lot of sleep to itching. I hope they find a solution soon for you.

Original poster
insomniarules · 10/05/2013 09:23

thanks, I honestly feel like i am falling apart at the seams through this. I do feel bad for DH as it is not his fault he snores and he gets disturbed by me in the night and he has stuff to worry about so I was worried about being selfish.
Has anyone used a sleep clinic or been referred? It is about the only other thing I can think of that might help me as tried homeopathy, calm music, hypnotherapy etc as well as sleeping tablets.
I wish I could cry but it seems stuck inside me so I just carry on but feel fairly useless and worthless at the moment.
Sorry for moaning.

OP posts:
LemonPeculiarJones · 10/05/2013 09:25

Oh bless you, sleep deprivation is so horrendous. Don't feel useless, feel proud of yourself - you've done amazingly to cope under these circumstances.

Right, book a nice b&b. And there's no reason why it should be a one-off, either.

Flowers
mezza123 · 10/05/2013 09:49

Defo do it if u can afford it! Perhaps u should make it a weekly thing?! I get eczema and psoriasis, and they are worse, and the itching is worse, when I'm tired, so who knows it might help with that too.

CMOTDibbler · 10/05/2013 09:55

Has your dh done anything about the snoring? I do bang on about it on here, but my dh was a terrible snorer, and it took me having a complete tantrum about it when ds was little for him to go to the GP about it and get referred to a sleep clinic. Turns out he had very severe sleep apnoea that would have significantly shortened his life. He started on cpap straightaway, and there has been blissfull silence in my bedroom ever since.

On the itching, have you tried menthol cream? My mum has terrible eczema, and when she was menopausal it went crazy. A lovely german dermatologist prescribed her 1% menthol in aqueous cream, and it cooled and deitched like nothing else.

But in the short term, book yourself a night in a hotel, or ask a friend for a bed for the night just to get the energy up to cope

orangeandemons · 10/05/2013 09:57

I've been to a sleep clinic twice. They found out...um...well..I had insomnia. As if I didn't know! They got me to try some cbt which didn't work.

I now take very low dose of mirtazapine which is an anti d. Sleep like a baby most nights, and rarely hear dd. the difference in quality of life is amazing. Also it is also an antihistamine which may help with itching.

Can I just say I had tried every single thing up till this point. Even my doctor said she didn't k ow no one else who slept as badly as me

orangeandemons · 10/05/2013 09:58

Know any one else...

JamNan · 10/05/2013 10:05

You poor thing. I can really sympathise I've gone to sleep with friends or slept in the car before now. I often used to go to bed before 8pm just to get some sleep. Ask your DH's GP to refer him to a sleep clinic to find out what the problem is. He may benefit from a CPAP machine that helps stop sleep apnoea (you deffo will).

Google sleep apnoea it is a very unhealthy condition and should be investigated. DH will be sleep-deprived too although he may not admit it. I don't know if you work outside the home. Can you get a baby sitter or friend to look after the DCs during the day so you can get a few hours' kip? I'd go to a hotel myself if I could afford it (one with a spa).

But get it sorted asap. Sleep deprivation can be dangerous especially when driving.

Original poster
insomniarules · 10/05/2013 10:49

thank you, had not thought of sleep apnoea. What are the signs of this?

OP posts:
QuintessentialOHara · 10/05/2013 10:52

Poor you!

But lets look at your husband. Any chance he can address his snoring? A bit cruel of him not to try?

Is he overweight?

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 10/05/2013 10:55

I have thought about doing this many times. It's ok now but when my girls were younger they never slept well, I used to be awake on and off all night, every night. It is horrible to never get enough sleep.

I can't offer any advice on the itching but if you can go off and have just one good night's sleep it will do you the world of good.

JamNan · 10/05/2013 11:12

OP signs & symptoms of sleep apnoea but it is important to get it correctly assessed and find out why DH is snoring. Don't bother with the plastic nasal separator things you can buy at the chemist they are useless.

SerendipityAlways · 10/05/2013 11:17

Oh OP do it!!! I have often thought about doing that myself too....just one night of silence, room service, fluffy towels and bathrobe and no DCs to keep me awake...sleep deprivation is an awful thing and you in no way should feel guilty about taking 1 night out for yourself!Smile

happyAvocado · 10/05/2013 11:20

has your DH been to GP to investigate his snoring?

valiumredhead · 10/05/2013 11:23

Would your hd not sleep on the sofa for one night so you can have the bed to yourself? Or on an air mattress downstairs/in the front room?

If not then book yourself that hotel room! Just thinking that it won't be a long term solution and might actually make you feel worse unless you can afford a hotel room every night.

Quenelle · 10/05/2013 11:25

Definitely just do it. Get a good night's sleep under your belt so you feel able to tackle the other issues.

When you are so completely fatigued your brain just can't function sufficiently to let you solve the real problems.

Quenelle · 10/05/2013 11:26

The problem with sending a snorer to another part of the house is you can still hear them but they're not within stabbing prodding range.

JamNan · 10/05/2013 12:13

Sometimes snorers are not aware of just how serious the problem is, or how it affects those around them. My DH didn't believe it until the people at the sleep clinic showed him the video and told him that the decibel level of his snoring was as loud as a lorry engine, he stopped breathing 137 times during the sleep session and several times his blood pressure was dangerously low.

To get him to the GP/clinic I had a meltdown after spending every night for years in purgatory. It was hell on earth and I was so sleep-deprived that I made mistakes that were potentially dangerous. Things are much better now that he uses a cpap machine and I get several hours decent sleep.

IvorHughJarse · 10/05/2013 12:35

Oh poor you. Agree you should speak to a medical person to rule out any underlining causes of sleeplessness but in the meantime absolutely, why not go and spend the night somewhere else if you can? I did this a few years ago when DH and I had a one bedroomed flat. His snoring was driving me NUTS and I went and slept at a Travel Inn for two days. Bliss