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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to hate it when my kids visit people and they just stick the tv on for them?

32 replies

CrapBag · 09/05/2013 20:14

It has just occurred to me that a few people I know do this and it pisses me right off.

My sister always seems to have the tv on anyway, but when we go there, she'll find a channel for the kids (2 and 5) then leave it on the whole time, and its always far too loud and I struggle to have a conversation because of the volume.

MIL will put it on kids channel the second they walk in and leave it on the whole time even though she has badgered DH into bringing the kids around, although I suspect this is so she actually doesn't have to interact with them and they are occupied whilst she blithers on and on to DH yet again about "poor me I have it sooo awful" (she actually doesn't) and the her wanting to see the kids is a rouse just so DH will visit her and she can moan.

SIL has recently started being a bit more interested in the DCs. This is actually a miracle I thought would never happen tbh but she has been asking DH if he can take them around and she'll even look after them while he does the shopping as she is near the supermarket, brilliant! But yep, kids walk in, tv goes on for them.

Is it just me? I am not tv hating at all and the kids do watch it at home. Maybe I am old fashioned but I thought if you are visiting people then you are there to see them, not to go and have the bloody box on every time. These relatives actually ask to see the children. We let them take some toys, so why does the tv need to go on!!!! If we get a visitor (rare occurence, always us doing the visiting it seems) I always switch the tv off if its on.

OP posts:

HotCrossPun · 09/05/2013 20:18

Have you ever mentioned to any of them that you would rather the TV was turned off?

expatinscotland · 09/05/2013 20:18

Some people don't really care for little kids.

Jayne266 · 09/05/2013 20:19

I understand what your saying my dm/mil does this all the time but it's my responsibility to play with my child not hers.( my mil is not very good with children) do maybe it's there way of coping.

rambososcar · 09/05/2013 20:19

YANBU. Common courtesy suggests that the television goes off when guests come in but if SIL is doing you a favour by minding your children while your DH goes shopping courtesy also suggests that you are grateful and (within reason) don't dictate the terms.

All in all though, it doesn't really matter, does it? It's not the end of the world.

intheshed · 09/05/2013 20:20

Can't you just turn it off?

MyDarlingYoni · 09/05/2013 20:20

I think for me it would depend on the DC, are they well behaved etc, some you would want them to be glued to the box.

nenevomito · 09/05/2013 20:21

I'm genuinely not bothered by this at all. It happens a lot of places where I go and the children tend to play regardless of whether its on. Maybe they just think the kids will like it?

LEMisdisappointed · 09/05/2013 20:22

Maybe they like ceebeebies and feel they can only watch it when the kids are there

rambososcar · 09/05/2013 20:22

"Can't you just turn it off?"

You can't go around turning the TV off in somebody else's home!

expatinscotland · 09/05/2013 20:22

'Can't you just turn it off?'

Go into someone's house and turn their TV off?

Original poster

CrapBag · 09/05/2013 20:24

intheshed I would definitely not go into someone else's house and turn their tv off.

I know it doesn't matter, I just don't get it when they have asked to see the kids then just bung them in front of the tv.

They are really well behaved and will just sit playing with the toys they have taken or the cats or dog at SILs and DSis'. They don't tend to have the need to be 'played with' by an adult all the time. If the tv is on though, they'll just be glued to it.

OP posts:

RevoltingPeasant · 09/05/2013 20:25

at LEM

OP you sound quite hacked off with your SIL. Not being narky but why do you think she ought to be interested in your children? Sounds to me like she is not that bothered but thoughtfully doing your DH a favour by watching them. I'd be grateful, I think.

Feel a bit sorry for MIL too, just wanting to see her own son and having to use grandkids as a ruse before he'll go and see her :( At least it sounds like she thinks that's how it is.

FreudiansSlipper · 09/05/2013 20:25

i can not see the problem some people struggle to entertain young children some cba but still like a bit of time with them

Lovelygoldboots · 09/05/2013 20:31

My friend comes over in the day with two little ones and I always put cbeebies on. It never occured to me it was rude and its my only opportunity to see Mr bloom

Original poster

CrapBag · 09/05/2013 20:33

Revolting, me and DH had pretty much accepted that SIL wasn't interested in kids. Her reactions when we had both proved that she isn't a baby or child person. She nipped in the other day and was admiring our front door, we got it over a year and a half ago. She doesn't visit or really keep in touch with DH, they just aren't close. I am just surprised that lately she has been asking to see them then when she offered to have them whilst DH went shopping our jaws almost hit the floor. I'm not hacked off with her at all. We are just very taken aback at her sudden interest after absolutely nil for over 5 years. Its great that she wants to see them and always seems to have some cake for when they go over.

MIL, this thread isn't long enough . It really isn't a case of her wanting to see her own son and DGC. Its a case of her being needy and wanting everyone to run around after her after her not being bothered with DH that much in the 13 years of us being together, or the 5 years that shes had a DGC. She has proven that she is pretty selfish. DH actually told her off the other day (not in a nasty way at all) and she did her usual, cried when someone said something that she didn't like. Not going to go on about it but she isn't that interested in her DGC, she wants DH around there so she can moan to him.

Did make me about maybe they like Cbeebies. Does any adult want to watch that?

OP posts:

ShatnersBassoon · 09/05/2013 20:33

I don't care at all if people want my kids to sit still and be quiet in their house. Tv is the easiest way to keep them so and make them happy. Plus it gives them something to talk about other than "How's school?" eg my aunt pretends she's never seen anything and asks them to tell her about their favourite programmes.

Original poster

CrapBag · 09/05/2013 20:34

Lovely that must be it then.

OP posts:

intheshed · 09/05/2013 20:35

Well obviously not just anyone's house, but if I was at my sister's house or my mum's and they specifically put the tv on for the kids I wouldn't have a problem saying 'I think that's enough now'. Unless your mum is really into Peppa Pig?!

Laquitar · 09/05/2013 20:37

What toys do you sent your dcs with? Maybe the toys annoy your mil and sil? grin.

RevoltingPeasant · 09/05/2013 20:41

Crappy CBeebies is the only reason I want to have a baby - I will finally be able to watch without shame though still have to hide Archers fetish

Maybe she's feeling bad. tbh I don't see the DNieces hardly at all and mostly cannot remember when their birthdays are Sometimes I have fits of feeling like I should be a decent aunt (I am one of about 8 so they really don't care) or maybe she is just finding them better company as they get older.

I also have to suggest that despite all appearances, SIL is suffering from such a consuming secret desire to have her own baby that she cannot bear to be around yours in case she kidnaps them and so is really being Very Noble.

Or she is just more interested in your front door than DC.

rambososcar · 09/05/2013 20:41

You can say, "I think that's enough now" and take your children away from the television, intheshed, but you can't say that's enough and turn the thing off. That would be incredibly rude.

Crapbag, you mention your children will "sit playing with the cats or dogs". Could that be it? I wouldn't want other people's small children "playing" with my cat or dog as their idea of acceptable play with a pet and mine are generally rather different. Perhaps the family members want to distract the children from paying the pets too much attention? (This is just a guess).

Original poster

CrapBag · 09/05/2013 20:44

DS takes cars, so no noise or flashing lights there, DD takes a doll or teddy or books. I don't think they have ever taken anything noisy. That all gets kept for home.

Saying that the toys they favour aren't overly noisy unless you count the godawful train that DS bought with his money. I have never heard anything so loud (toy wise) in my life!!! Even he doesn't press the button very often. Maybe I'll suggest he takes it then they can see how annoying kids can be.

OP posts:

intheshed · 09/05/2013 20:47

rambo but if it is on a childrens' channel and the OP's children are the only children in the room, why would that be rude? Who else would be watching it? Maybe my family are just not easily offended, as I have done exactly that at MIL's house.

Original poster

CrapBag · 09/05/2013 20:50

"Or she is just more interested in your front door than DC"

Maybe. I can't see how anyone would want kids with an excuse to watch Cbeebies though. I am partial to a bit of Ben and Holly though because Nanny Plum is great.

I think maybe SIL wants to be more involved because they are getting older. She did say before that she never ever wants kids and is very anti baby "uugghhh" was her quote but she also did say before that me and DH were so lucky to have our 2 children, so I did say to DH I wonder if there are issues there.

Rambo my DSis loves it when the kids play with her dog. She encourages them to get the dog toys and that and they are gentle. In fact its me who is always reminding them to be careful and she always says that they are fine. Sometimes she is glad that she won't have to walk the dog (its a small one) because the kids have played with it and worn it out that much.

I think SIL is fine with the kids playing with her cats too, I'm sure DH said before that one cat will go away but the other is quite happy to be played with. I have always made sure they are careful with animals, not rough or made sure they leave them alone if the animal has had enough.

OP posts:

rambososcar · 09/05/2013 21:30

In that case you've thrown me. I've run out of ideas!
intheshed, yes, it's still rude to turn the television off in someone else's home, no matter what it's tuned in to.

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