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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for not wanting to drive 300 miles for a 2yo's birthday party?

30 replies

OTheHugeManatee · 09/05/2013 16:15

I'm sure I am being a miserable old cowbag here, so feel free to tell me so Grin

BIL (DH's brother) and SIL are celebrating their PFB's 2nd birthday party with an invitation to all the family to come and celebrate. My problem is that while most of their family is relatively local, we live about 300 miles away. I can think of SO many things I'd rather do with a weekend than a 600-mile round trip for a toddler's birthday party.

AIBU?

OP posts:
sue52 · 09/05/2013 16:17

YANBU. The 2 year old wont care if you're there or not.

DiscoDonkey · 09/05/2013 16:17

Yanbu

redskyatnight · 09/05/2013 16:18

Of course YANBU not to travel so far just for a 2 year old's birthday party.
But do you have other family/friends in the area? Would you and DH like to spend more time with BIL/SIL (assuming they can accommodate you). Could you make a w/e of it?

It's perfectly possible that BIL and SIL aren't even expecting you to come but have invited you out of politeness.

Roshbegosh · 09/05/2013 16:18

Hell no!

picnicbasketcase · 09/05/2013 16:18

YANBU at all.

Tailtwister · 09/05/2013 16:18

I wouldn't imagine they actually expect you to come do they? Maybe they sent you an invitation in case you were offended if you didn't get one? There's no way I would expect someone to make a 600 mile round trip for a child's birthday party!

Sirzy · 09/05/2013 16:19

Don't go then.

They did the nice thing and invited you but that doesn't mean you have to go.

If the rest of your family live locally though then perhaps it would be a nice chance to see everyone.

MadBusLady · 09/05/2013 16:20

YANBU specifically about the birthday, but then how often do you see this bit of family and when is a 600 mile round trip going to be appealing? It's a good way of doing a visit with everyone gathered in one place.

I'm assuming you generally like/want to see them of course. Wink

alarkaspree · 09/05/2013 16:20

Is it just a family party? In which case, you presumably have to see your DH family sometime. Maybe this is a good opportunity.

However, if it's an actual toddler birthday party with other 2-year olds and their parents, they are just inviting family in addition and YANBat allU not to go. They probably don't expect you to anyway.

Squitten · 09/05/2013 16:21

Personally, it would depend on how often I saw my family and whether I wanted to see them or not. If everyone is going to be there, it's a good excuse to go and visit everyone in one go

ipswitch · 09/05/2013 16:21

YANBU at all.

But be prepared for them to moan and call you names and hold it against you forever if you decide not to go. ( Personal experience)

Original poster
OTheHugeManatee · 09/05/2013 16:40

Don't get me wrong - I do like my ILs and am generally happy to spend time with them. DH is generally fairly family-oriented and his clan gets together for Christmas and MIL's and his siblings' birthdays. They've been very welcoming to me and I often get more birthday cards from them than my own family Grin

They're lovely people and I'm generally happy to turn out. I think it's just that the other siblings don't call grand family gatherings for their children's birthdays - it's just this particular PFB seems to be the exception. She's a nice toddler, as toddlers go, but between that and the 600 mile round trip I just find it a bit Hmm

OP posts:
oranges · 09/05/2013 16:42

How mean to be snide about the fact that someone has dared invite you to their child's birthday.

Idocrazythings · 09/05/2013 16:43

Maybe they've just sent you an invitation so you don't feel left out, but don't really expect you to go. I do that- generally I tell the person that though.

valiumredhead · 09/05/2013 17:00

Don't go then.

Personally I would use it as a nice reason to visit the family.

Merguez · 09/05/2013 17:05

It depends on how the invitation was expressed.

have they invited you to come for the whole weekend, including the party - or just for the party itself.

If it is for the weekend, and it's a big family gathering, then YABU.

If party only, then YANBU and I'm sure they'll understand if you don't come.

Viviennemary · 09/05/2013 17:10

I think it would be mad to even consider driving 300 miles for a two year old's birthday party never mind being unreasonable if you don't. Why do some families put this incredible pressure on people who lead busy lives. It's just plain selfish. Perhaps though they are just being nice sending the invitation so you don't feel excluded and don't really expect you to come all that way.

Merguez · 09/05/2013 17:13

Since when does an invitation to a party become 'incredible pressure'?

The OP said she'd been invited, she didn't say she was under pressure to go.

We all lead busy lives but life would be so boring if we used that as an excuse to stop having parties....

PoppyWearer · 09/05/2013 17:14

What Idocrazythings said.

I always invite my childless DSis and her DP to my DCs' birthday parties, but always with the expectation that they won't want to schlep halfway across the country for it.

Sometimes they do, though!

curryeater · 09/05/2013 17:14

They can't not invite you. But all you have to do is say no thankyou.

MrsHoarder · 09/05/2013 17:14

I'm travelling a400 mike trip for my ds to have his birthday pay amongst family, but maybe they would like too generally see you (plural) more often? I'm sure they won't be upset if you can't make it.

Would you like to have been the family member that wasn't invited? Especially if its more of a family party than hundreds of rampaging 2yos.

fairylightsinthespring · 09/05/2013 17:17

well my in laws are driving 250 miles tomorrow to celebrate DD's 2nd birthday. Its a reason to get everyone together without US doing the drive which is what we do about 4/5 times a year. Its not really about the birthday girl as such, though she does know its happening and that her GPs and Aunties are coming. As others have said, you don't have to go, but how often does your DH see his brother? Make a weekend of it and give them some time together. Its not going to be jelly and ice cream and pass the parcel for you is it?

raisah · 09/05/2013 17:22

Send a present & card with apologied. I am sure they dont expect you to come all that way but invited you as a way of including you in the general family invite. My family live 300 miles away too & i do invite them to family functions but dont expect them to attend. Its just a gesture so you feel included unless they have informed you differently.

YoniRanger · 09/05/2013 17:25

Why are you being such a drama llama OP?

Visiting family for the weekend and going to a toddler party is hardly the worst thing ever. Go or don't go.

wheredidiputit · 09/05/2013 18:45

Are they expecting you to come or have they done what I do I always invite BIL & SIL but don't expect them to come unless they are down visiting.

But I don't want to think that because they are not local then we don't include them if that makes sense.