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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to be fed up of being told how awful having a newborn is going to be?

131 replies

Quilty · 09/05/2013 15:31

I'm 35 weeks pregnant and no one seems to have a good thing to say about the first few weeks of having a baby Hmm

Yes I know I'll be tired and no doubt stressed and over emotional at times but there must be enjoyable times to be had with a newborn? Why does everyone seem to want to tell me what a shit time I'm going to have?

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 09/05/2013 19:28

I missed the tiny baby stage (DS adopted at 11 months but size/development of a 5 month old) when I told people I was adopting I had the most extraordinary responses basically telling me my life was over!

One person out of all of this just said to me...

"More joy than you can possibly imagine"

Yes it was harder than I could possibly imagine and I was so much crapper as a parent than I ever expected to be. But he was right.

GentlyGentlyOhDear · 09/05/2013 19:29

I did, however, struggle psychologically with the birth experience and the fact that I didn't cry/get a mad rush of love for dd when I saw her. I felt very guilty for a long time for not being overwhelmed with emotion for her, but I think I was just shellshocked. I love her more and more every day noe though Smile

HorryIsUpduffed · 09/05/2013 19:29

It is both, though.

You are emotional and exhausted (honestly, you have never known exhaustion like it) and maybe sore, and anxious and frightened and hormonal ... and quite possibly loved up and calm too.

Telling you it is ok if it is horrendous is a kindness, if it is part of a conversation about how squidgey newborns are and how lovely they smell.

But some of us genuinely survive the first weeks, with little in mitigation. It is no comment on our bonding or parenting in general, just one of those things.

IsThatTrue · 09/05/2013 19:34

I love the newborn stage. Sitting snuggling ds2 (5mo) at the mo and in so many ways he's so grown up already.

My advice would be cuddle your baby lots. Don't worry about housework that's what guests are for. Don't listen to anyone who tells you you are making a rod for your own back while cuddling/staring at your little bundle endlessly. Make the most of this time.

how the fuck can I be broody, he's 5mo ffs!!!

MamaBear17 · 09/05/2013 19:35

My dd had colic so the early days were traumatic. I wasn't prepared for just how badly my hormones would affect me, the 'day four' weepies were a real shock! I also suffered from Primary Lactation Failure so ended up bottle feeding when I wanted to breastfeed which didnt help because I beat myself up terribly about it. But, there were lovely moments alongside the tough times. She is almost 2 and I still can not get over how wonderful our first cuddle was. The first smile, first laugh, first co-sleep were all brilliant. I think people warn you that it might be tough because we are often sold this idea (in the media) that motherhood is this wonderful, floaty experience and everyone takes to it like a duck to water. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy xx

Makingmama · 09/05/2013 19:37

I also LOVED the newborn and baby stage Smile...honestly those first weeks were so unbelievably amazing, I can't imagine ever having such an experience again (unless I persuade dh to have no 4 lol!) Just go with the flow, try and be as laid back as possible, don't keep up with the house etc...cuddle and enjoy Smile

EasyToEatTiger · 09/05/2013 19:40

Having survived childbirth and cancer, the fabulous thing about childbirth is that it brings new hope and new possibilities. And in this country most of the time you survive childbirth. It's a little death and a new beginning. Huge changes. It is awful having piles and not being able to go to the loo. My husband was fabulous when my dcs were born.

Xmasbaby11 · 09/05/2013 19:46

Yes, it is a tough time - the first 6 weeks were pretty rough for me. Got better and better after that!

ilovecolinfirth · 09/05/2013 19:50

I loved the first few weeks as it felt like EVERYONE would stop me in the street to tell me how beautiful my child was. I felt so so proud. There are obviously very difficult times in the first few weeks too, so just do what you want to. It is so special, enjoy it! X

stopgap · 09/05/2013 20:19

I hated it. We had force ten colic/silent reflux to deal with from week three to month seven. Up to eight hours of crying a day, and twelve hours on one memorable occasion. I loved my baby with all my heart but I was so exhausted that I felt like throwing up. But colic only affects 20% of newborns, so the odds are stacked in your favour!

(I should add that my colicky nightmare has blossomed into the most wonderful, engaged, talkative 22-month-old boy, who is an absolute breeze compared to most toddlers we know.)

Lamazeroo · 09/05/2013 20:20

See, I read way too much MN when I was pregnant and was expecting this lovely, special, snuggly time. And I'm sorry to report that it was sheer hell. Weeks - months - of screaming, sleeping in 20 minute bursts, splitting the nights into three hour shifts with my mum and husband, sobbing with horror that this was now my life. When I think back to the newborn phase I feel instant tension and revulsion.
BUT I am pleased to report that if babies are fucking horrid, toddlers make up for it. My boy gradually improved from about 12 months, and at 18 months it was like a switch. Suddenly he became happy, funny, charming, sweet, more independent and he started sleeping for more than two hours at a time. Now he is the light of my life, we both adore him and would never be without him. The little boy we live with almost makes the baby phase worth it.
So OP, if you're still reading: it doesn't matter what the newborn phase is like for you. It will pass. And whether it's blissful or soul destroyingly awful you'll be a mummy to a gorgeous unique little being with whom you'll share a love unlike anything else on earth.

FreudiansSlipper · 09/05/2013 20:22

i got bored of hearing it too and how would i cope as i was on my own

well it was fine actually much better than that ds was a very easy baby. it was a very very special time but most of it you are in a daze

katkit1 · 09/05/2013 20:35

Loved the endless baby snuggles - hrs and hrs.

i only put him down at around 4 months.

Hated breastfeeding

My 6month old only uses me as a viewing post now - no more lovely, snuggly cuddles

Blu · 09/05/2013 20:41

I loved the newborn stage. We had fun, and were quite adventurous, really - went on a 3 day break to the sea when DS was 2 weeks old. It was bliss. You have unconditional permission to rest whenever you are tired and the baby is sleeping, it's great if you have a DP or DH on paternity leave...it was lovely.

I found it harder at about 6m when the sleepless nights began to take thier toll, and desparate when I went back to work and he still was not sleeping... and wouldn't take a bottle...But some babies are much easier.

Lavenderhoney · 09/05/2013 20:44

It's lovely as soon as you leave hospital and are snuggling in bed with your own baby, or reclining on the sofa in pjs watching daytime tv, cuddling your baby. I didn't put mine down:)

Even getting up in the night is ok, change, feed, cuddle... Yes they cry, but its ok, they have just arrived! It's normal.

The crap bit is when you have another, and you have to watch cbeebies instead.

At least no one is regaling you with birth horror stories.

KingRollo · 09/05/2013 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsannekins · 09/05/2013 20:50

I've said to a couple of friends who've had babies shortly after me that the labour part is easy compared with the time afterwards, and you need to put a bit more focus on having proper meals in the freezer that you can microwave, lots of easy to eat snacks (mars bars are good for milk production, my HV said so), and getting your house in order so that you don't need to go hunting for anything.

I found it very hard, and spent most of the first few weeks in a bit of a fog, but once that lifts and you get into your stride, it does pass, and life gets a bit more enjoyable. Hopefully.

Pigsmummy · 09/05/2013 21:00

Imagine the worst and it won't be so bad. I got on ok, DD is fast asleep and I am relaxing with the cat.

anniroc · 09/05/2013 21:05

Lots of happy memories pushing my sleeping son round the park in the sunshine, browsing the shops, meetings friends for coffee. As the mother of two toddlers, those days are long, long, gone. Newborns that don't move: heaven. It will be hard sometimes because it will be so different to what your life used to be like, but you will adapt. Enjoy it - its so precious as they grow up so fast!

MagicHouse · 09/05/2013 21:06

I could have writeen lots of Lamazeroo's post! Another one here who found the newborn stage horrific! Silent reflux and sleeping no longer than about 40 mins in a chunk day or night at her worst. I was a sleep deprived, sobbing wreck.
Another chronic illness with ds meant sleep and breathing problems - so yet more months of worry and sleepnessness.
Now my dd is a gorgeous, witty, loving 7 year old, and my ds a gorgeous (tantrummy but still funny and lovely!)..... and life is soooooo much better.
I would never tell anyone that the newborn stage is awful - but I do say don't worry if it's not what you thought or you don't feel happy. When dd was a newborn, other mums who told me their similar tales of misery (which get better if you just hang in there) were my absolute lifeline tbh, and made me realise that what I was going through was "normal".
Good luck with your new baby - no matter what happens, becoming a mum is pretty incredible :-)

CailinDana · 09/05/2013 22:02

I have a 2 year old ds and a 10 wk old dd. I find babies incredibly dull and tbh i'm just wearing away these early days with dd as i can't wait for her to get older and more interactive. I didn't find ds's newborn days hard as he was the most chilled out baby ever to exist (i honestly can't remember him ever crying for more than 2 mins) but it was only when he got to about 10 months that i really started to enjoy him. Now he's 2 he is beyond amazing i love being around him. I'm looking forward to those days with dd.newborns are cute but by gum are they boring.

minouminou · 09/05/2013 22:25

I absolutely loved the newborn phase, especially with DS, who was first, as it was just me and him when DP went to work.
With DD it was a bit different, as she was difficult, and I also had DS to think about, but I'd still go back to either period in a heartbeat!

DS was a dream.....I was tired, but I didn't care!
Just say "I'm sure I'll live...." and change the subject when someone starts up.

itsaruddygame · 10/05/2013 07:47

I love the days (DS 9 weeks) but the nights are seriously tough. No sleep and bloody exhausting!

GingerBlondecat · 10/05/2013 08:03

I too absolutely Loved those first few weeks.

But, then I loved ALL the stages (((Hugs)))) Flowers

GingerBlondecat · 10/05/2013 08:04

^^ Except for the few severe colicky months. Grin