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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be fed up of being told how awful having a newborn is going to be?

131 replies

Quilty · 09/05/2013 15:31

I'm 35 weeks pregnant and no one seems to have a good thing to say about the first few weeks of having a baby Hmm

Yes I know I'll be tired and no doubt stressed and over emotional at times but there must be enjoyable times to be had with a newborn? Why does everyone seem to want to tell me what a shit time I'm going to have?

OP posts:
Squitten · 09/05/2013 16:24

The truth is you just don't know what's going to happen until it does!

I did have a rough time with my eldest - it all started going wrong the first night and just got worse! My second, on the other hand, was an absolute pleasure.

I'm really looking forward to doing the newborn thing again this time. This may, of course, be because I now know the horror that is toddlers... Wink

Dorris83 · 09/05/2013 16:25

Don't listen to the 'pooh poohers'. I am typing this one handed as I breastfeed my three week old DS, I literally couldn't be happier. It's the BEST. Stock up on cake.

TigerSwallowTail · 09/05/2013 16:25

Having a newborn is great, all they really want is to be clean, dry and fed. They sleep most of the time and best thing of all - they're stationary :o

I'll have a newborn again in a couple of weeks and I can't wait.

MTBMummy · 09/05/2013 16:26

It's hard - but it's the best time, they're quiet, sleep loads, and their world is literally you.

SO excited about doing it again (only 36 weeks to go Smile )

arcticwaffle · 09/05/2013 16:29

I loved having newborns. I found it much easier than pregnancy or childbirth. I was expecting it to be grim and then it was mostly pleasant.

But it's hard to tell in advance if your baby will be calm/shrieking/sleepy/never sleeping etc.
And everyone hates you if you have a good sleeper and people don't also believe you if your baby sleeps well, that's partly why people only hear or remember the bad stories. 2 of mine were fantastic sleepers from birth but you're not very popular if you go on about that among the sleep-deprived people.

VenusRising · 09/05/2013 16:29

Good luck! It's one of those life changing things: no one can predict how you'll feel about it either.

What I found helped me was to get all my ducks in a line: have a number for a physio who specialises in post natal care in case you need one
Ditto a lactation consultant just in case you need one

Arrange your shopping online.

Ime Having a new baby and how you feel about it really depends on the kind of delivery you had, and how well you can sleep afterwards.

If you're in pain, or have had a long and medicalised labour you may find that the first few days are really miserable. You may change the way you sleep and not feel rested: I know I became a very light sleeper, and that was a big surprise to me. My brain went into overdrive to listen out for sounds from the baby, and I only dozed, never getting restful rem sleep.

If you have an uncomplicated vag birth, the endorphins may buoy you up for weeks. If you have a crash section, you may be too freaked out/ exhausted to enjoy the birth, and not get the rush.

Breast feeding, rather surprisingly, doesn't come easily to everyone, babies included, so it can be very uncomfortable, especially if you get mastitis. The girls here are brilliant for advice though. And a lactation consultant can solve a problem latch which may have eluded you.

Just be kind to yourself and your partner if you're not feeling the love.

Fwiw it's not obligatory you fall in love with our baby immediately: sometimes being exhausted/ on morphine/mastitis can do that!

Don't forget to take lots of photos, and to rest.

Tbh, I think babies are lovely, but toddlers are amazing, preschoolers and wonderful and kids are fantastic: the teen years await us, so am reserving judgement Grin

It's all good, just in different ways.

Hope it all goes well! Some good advice from previous posters- don't overload yourself is brilliant advice, I had a friend who practically went out to show off her baby before the placenta was born, and she crashed from exhaustion a few weeks later.

Take it easy and keep us posted on how you get on.

Thurlow · 09/05/2013 16:34

Arctic is right, people don't go on about certain good things as anyone who is struggling with those things - sleep in particular - thinks you are just being a smug wanker and rubbing their nose in it. I had a ridiculously easy baby who ate well and slept well. I actually used to play up the bits I struggled with (daytime naps) in order to not look smug Blush

OneFingerSjupesUpTheYoni · 09/05/2013 16:37

I don't find newborns hard at all - the first 6 weeks are brilliant!

They sleep they feed they puke and they cuddle it is lovely :) knowing this is one of the things keeping me from hating being pregnant again.

TattyDevine · 09/05/2013 16:38

I actually didn't find it bad at all.

It would be unhelpful to say "mine was so good and slept better than I imagined and indeed better than some of my friends", but this was true and random luck of the draw and there is no reason why it wont happen to you, but if it doesn't, its not your fault.

And looking back having one newborn and nothing else to look out for seems incredibly easy but then its not that toddlerhood is that hard...it can be hard being heavily pregnant and with toddler, etc but 2nd time round it does seem easier and the baby is entertained by the toddler.

But at times that can seem hard, so you blink, and they are both at school and that's even easier!

Honestly they practically raise themselves!

Chill, smile, nod, etc.

Dogsmom · 09/05/2013 16:38

I've slept better in the 9 weeks since my daughter was born than I did during pregnancy, yes there's a night feed to do but no more hip pain or million trips to the loo.

TattyDevine · 09/05/2013 16:38

(Its not soooo easy that I want a 3rd though but that's another thread)

valiumredhead · 09/05/2013 16:40

What ballinacup said -I wish I had been a bit more prepared for how shit it was going to be!

valiumredhead · 09/05/2013 16:41

It's all good, just in different ways

YY, this^ :)

CoolStoryBro · 09/05/2013 16:43

There is a video of me holding and playing with ds1 when he was 3 weeks old. That was 16 years ago and i still like to watch it occassionally. It was one of the happiest times in my life, and you can tell. I loved all 4 of the newborn stages, even for dc4 when dC3 was only 12 months and DC 2 was only 2!!

CoolStoryBro · 09/05/2013 16:44

I did find it tougher around 6 months though. The shine had worn off by then!! Wink

Thurlow · 09/05/2013 16:47

Newborns get milk drunk.

I would seriously consider the entire best forgotten pregnancy and birth just to have a milk drunk baby again.

Milk drunkeness is the best thing in the world.

rainbowslollipops · 09/05/2013 17:12

Obviously you'll.be tired etc but you get to finally meet your baby! You get to know your baby, your baby gets to know you! You get to cuddle your baby when others desperately want to! You get to put him/her in cute outfits. They have a smell about them as well i can't quite put my finger on it but its such a nice smell.

Forget the grumps! When my friend was pregnant I was more excited than her. Even worse after baby was born. I kept popping in on my way to and from work for a quick cuddle Blush

MyShoofly · 09/05/2013 17:23

Aww its not awful. It can maybe be a bit of a shock but definately NOT awful. People are just razzing you - baby cuddles are one of the best things in the whole entire universe. Second possibly only to toddler hugs and kisses Smile

Congratulations OP

MyShoofly · 09/05/2013 17:25

It's all good, just in different ways

oh yes this ^^ definately!!

Stinkyminkymoo · 09/05/2013 17:33

Bah, they are idiots! I loved having a newborn! They're so tiny and snuggley and gorgeous.

Yes you'll be tired but you'll have a beautiful little baby.

My dd is nearly 9 mo and I adore her but I do miss the newborn stage though! Lucky you!

Booyhoo · 09/05/2013 18:17

btw OP

and i know everyone will have said this to you but it really makes sucha difference so i'm going to shout

GET AS MUCH SLEEP AS YOU CAN- NIGHT OR DAY!

i know you will think oh i can just do the floors while he's sleeping or you could just strip the beds etc. i did it too but really really really you will be far better placed to cope with colic or teething or anything really if you have had as much sleep as possible.

if you do have a difficult birth/baby etc you will be stressed out enough without adding chronic exhaustion to the mix so really do take all offers of babysitting or cleaning and get that rest.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 09/05/2013 18:21

No one told us anything negative. So 3 days in we were thinking "what in hells name have we done". Second time around however, I enjoyed it a lot more.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 09/05/2013 18:22

Of course having a newborn is lovely, when they're all scrunched and snuggle into you.

All stages are great. I loved having a newborn but I love having a 15 month old (who is currently emptying my cupboards).

MrsLouisTheroux2 · 09/05/2013 18:25

I LOVED the newborn time, loved every minute of having a baby! Yes they cry, wake in the night, sick, poo etc but it was one of the best times of my life!
Ignore the misery-mongers.

everlong · 09/05/2013 18:26

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.