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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be fed up of being told how awful having a newborn is going to be?

131 replies

Quilty · 09/05/2013 15:31

I'm 35 weeks pregnant and no one seems to have a good thing to say about the first few weeks of having a baby Hmm

Yes I know I'll be tired and no doubt stressed and over emotional at times but there must be enjoyable times to be had with a newborn? Why does everyone seem to want to tell me what a shit time I'm going to have?

OP posts:
MrsLouisTheroux2 · 09/05/2013 18:28

Ah, the snuffling! :) They're so snuggly and gorgeous!

diddl · 09/05/2013 18:30

Oh I loved it too.

I mostly slept when they did.

You could put them in moses basket & if you went out of the room-they were still there when you came back!Grin

maddening · 09/05/2013 18:41

We had a hard time sleep wise but it was fun with dfiance on paternity leave and getting to know ds and what to do. Once dfiance was back at work I cosied on the sofa with ds (feb so cold to go out (plus physically hard) ) just bfing and watching trashy tv and having people over for visits was nice too.

The thing is - I want to do it again so it can't be that bad.

maddening · 09/05/2013 18:43

Oh and I did nooooo housework :) dfiance took it all on for a while - I did bits but that was it. My job was ds, bfing and eating and bathing.

anonpost · 09/05/2013 18:43

Ahhh, the newborn stage is the best. My dd was early and had to spend 2 weeks in special care. When she came home it was bliss. I had everyone telling me it was sleepless nights blah blah but I slept better than when I was pregnant.

Enjoy, it goes so quick.

rocketupbum · 09/05/2013 18:44

I think this passing on of horror stories is so wierd. I am currently pregnant as a surrogate for some friends and people are really scaring the shit out of them with stories of no sleep/reflux/puking etc!
I know it is good to be realistic about the fact it is not all rose tinted but actually it is a pretty exciting thing for them having a child and they will be bloody good parents and will cope fine with most things.
I didn't love love love the baby bit but actually it is fairly short and they are so perfect and little and fabulous it does totally make up for lack of sleep or puke covered clothes.
Try to enjoy it and accept that not everybody loves every single minute of everyday.

yousankmybattleship · 09/05/2013 18:49

Having a newborn is easy - its all the rest of parenting that is hard!

StephaniePowers · 09/05/2013 18:51

Oh for goodness sake
Do you think people tell you it's hard because they want to piss you off?
They tell you it's hard because they are scarred - because they refused to listen and had unrealistic expectations.
LEARN.
(Disclaimer: some people have babies who are a breeze, and a high tolerance for being sleep-deprived. IGNORE.)

Beamae · 09/05/2013 18:56

I wish that someone had told me that it was awful. All I heard was how you feel this rush of love for the baby, how it's like a second honeymoon with your husband where you are so in love, how it's such a wonderful time and to enjoy it because it gets harder and harder but the first weeks are the easiest. I had none of that. It was hideous. And it made it so much harder for me because I had it in my head that it was the easy bit! I wish I had someone tell me it sucked but in real life not a lot of people admit that because they think it makes them look bad.

MrsLouisTheroux2 · 09/05/2013 18:58

Stephanie ? Either 'scarred because of unrealistic expectations' or have a 'high tolerance'? How about happy to take the rough with the smooth, don't panic, be kind to themselves and enjoy it?

BonaDea · 09/05/2013 18:59

I wish someone had told me how hard it is. Seriously. It is hell.

Of course it is lovely in its way - becoming a mother, meeting your LO at last, getting to know him or her, the outpouring of love from friends and family. But it is so damn hard. Sorry.

LibertineLover · 09/05/2013 19:00

No I don't think it's that Beamae some people honestly do have all that. And as someone else said, they are less likely to say it,because others think them smug. But it does happen.
And then sometimes it just doesn't, like you say, and it's a nightmare, honestly think it's luck of the draw, nothing to do with parenting at that stage.

GirlOutNumbered · 09/05/2013 19:02

It's brilliant, loads of people come round bring food, drink, pressies! You can nap all day and watch Crap on TV whilst people run around and do things for you! !

Shutupanddrive · 09/05/2013 19:03

I would quite happily love them to be a newborn for ever, it's the best part in my opinion. They only wake up to have a feed then back to sleep again. It's such a special time, I can't understand anyone that says otherwise. Don't listen to them

zzzzz · 09/05/2013 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Machli · 09/05/2013 19:06

It's not awful, it's perfect, was for me anyway. Totally loved up and snugly. Got harder at about three months but you roll with it.

Laquitar · 09/05/2013 19:15

Another one who enjoyed it OP.

Some people do the same with marriages or anything else i.e. oh you only have sex in the first year,no one has passion after that, or oh you will have awful holidays in Italy, its too hot, or you cannot fly with a baby etc. My aunt said when i was doing my degree 'you will put on 10 kilos, i was double size when i was studying' Grin

Good Luck with your birth!

sherazade · 09/05/2013 19:16

I expected: natural delivery like they teach you in birth classes to do deep breathing bounce on a birthing ball and baby comes out

I got: breech baby, c section. No closure from birth. I was Scared and confused, the midwives chucked my birth plan away.

I expected: babies latch on and feed instantly, thats the natural way isnt it? how hard can it be?

I got: nipples chopped into quarters and massive breast abscess to be removed surgically leaving theatre with 3 tubes sticking out of my boob to drain the pus

I expected: to bond with my baby and feel ecstatic about her birth

I got: postnatal depression, didn't know who I was anymore

second baby: knowing better i expected the worst and it was all a pleasant breeze even with a toddler in tow. Easy birth, easy bfeeding, instant bonding.

So you're better off preparing for the worst. Nobody ever told me how hard it could be.

Shiraztastic · 09/05/2013 19:18

I have had four newborns and absolutely adore small babies.

When it goes well it is wonderful, bliss etc. some newborns feed, sleep, cuddle and that's it There are always good bits.

When it goes badly it is shit beyond comparison. There are no words to explain the terror of thinking your newborn might be seriously ill or the despair at a screaming baby at 4am for the 6th night in a row who you can't figure out how to trouble shoot. I have met lots of first time mothers in the first fortnight professionally. Invariably they look grey, shellshocked, tired and often sore and anxious. Second, third, fourth time parents not so much. People tell you these things because all the I agree of motherhood is of soft focus enjoyment. Yes, that happens, but the constant focus on how amaaaaaazing it all is may well contribute to many parents' initial sense of failure, or even pnd. People are trying to be kind.

I suggest reading What Mothers Do by Naomi Stadlen and The Food of Love by Kate Evans. Both are light, positive, practical and realistic.

Good luck and enjoy your baby.

sherazade · 09/05/2013 19:19

by the way despite my horrific experience my baby was a breeze (slept through, placid, beautiful, peaceful, never cried) so people wondered why I looked so miserable and teary, it's not always about the baby! your hormones wreak havoc with your body and so can birth.I had friends with far more challenging and exhausting babies who say they enjoyed the newborn period.

Shiraztastic · 09/05/2013 19:19

All the I agree = all the imagery

bigTillyMint · 09/05/2013 19:20

I loved it too - such a magical (if knackering!) time.

Don't take any notice - enjoy your baby when it arrivesSmile

Bowlersarm · 09/05/2013 19:22

Having my first newborn was hard hard work. Total shock to the system and really true that if you have reached the end of the day and achieved something important, like, ooh cleaned your teeth, that was a HUGE achievement indeed.

My 3rd newborn was so so enjoyable. I loved those days with new DC3.

GentlyGentlyOhDear · 09/05/2013 19:23

I LOVED that time!
Family time when dh was on paternity leave, lots of daytime naps, night-wakings were an Event and I had a little snack table by the bed and dh used to make us both a hot chocolate, lots of baths with the baby, lots of cuddles, lots of lazy days watching tv and iplayer in bed. I didn't have any problems feeding at all and didn't have the baby blues either.

It is hard and a bit of a culture shock and I may be looking back with rose-tinted specs, but it is so much more tiring now with a 13month old who will not just be still and has started having little tantrums! I also find it harder if we have a bad night now as my body isn't used to it. I maybe had an 'easy' baby and will be eating my words if a second comes along!

mummysmellsofsick · 09/05/2013 19:24

Having a newborn can be exhausting and emotional but I have decided the reason people complain about their kids is because it wouldn't be fair on people who don't or can't have children if we went around saying that having children is the best thing you will ever do. That's how it is for me anyway, it's the best thing. The smell of your baby, your toddler running up to you overjoyed when you get home from work, all the fun and cuddles and the privilege of showing them the world and teaching them things... It's all worth the harder times a million times over.