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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have put my child in a high vis jacket at the park ?

141 replies

Shinyshoes1 · 07/05/2013 07:45

We went to the park yesterday it gets pretty packed . There's a closed off area with all the swings , slides etc in and there must have been about 50 children in there .

My friend came with her children and the little ones went and played we sat and had a picnic

The little ones were in the play area with my friends 12 yo daughter but after a while all the children blend into one another and I get panicky if I can't see my daughter straight away do I put a hi vis bib on her .
Straight way I could pick her out from the crowd

My friend thought this terrible , even saying it was cruel as she's " never ever in her life seen a child in a high vis bib before at the park"

My dd is in a school trip today and I'm thinking of putting the bib on her today , just so she stands out and is visible to the teachers amongst 30 other children
She is 5 yo

AIBU and OTT !???

OP posts:

specialsubject · 07/05/2013 11:01

Think about the pretty dresses and how it spoils the looks.

this made me laugh - I bought a hi-viz for a small relative as a birthday present (dress up outfit), and while she was persuaded to put it on over skype, she took it straight off again because 'it doesn't match my dress'.

nurseries use them to spot the one in their charge - she also said 'just like nursery'.

but to use it to find your kid at the playground and to 'get panicky' if you lose sight of your child for a moment sounds like the umbilical cord needs cutting.

megandraper · 07/05/2013 11:02

I put mine in brightly coloured tops to go to the very crowded playground in the park. But I wouldn't dream of sending them in non-uniform 'special' items to school!

YeahBuddy · 07/05/2013 11:04

I don't think the high vis in the park is a good idea, purely for the reason that I think it is giving a false sense of security. So your subconscious says you can instantly spot your child when you look up so you stop looking up as often iyswim. Then what if she takes it off when you're not looking and panic mode sets in when you can't instantly see her?

Mandy2003 · 07/05/2013 11:07

I am partially sighted and suffered bad anxiety related to PND when my DS was a toddler so I would put him in bright clothes when we went to crowded playgrounds etc. It did put my mind at rest to an extent, although I did tend to follow him round the play equipment rather closely when he was tiny.

But I do think YABU - perhaps work on the anxiety?

MrsMelons · 07/05/2013 11:14

Interesting article DreamingofSummer although it does pick out the extremes. I do agree with most of the points and in RL I see a lot of this type of parenting, particularly having been so involved with a pre-school for such a long time. It is scary how so many children are not independent at all going to school - yes they are still very young but they are unable to even put their own coats on or wipe their bottoms.

I disagree re the bike helmet but though, my boys didn't have trikes but they had bikes with stablilisers from about 2/3 YO and they were made to wear helmets so they knew it was normal to do so on a bike not because they were likely to hurt themselves going 0mph on a little bike.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 07/05/2013 11:46

I think she'd be fine till she wandered into a crew of road-workers. How will you ever find her if that happens?

CoteDAzur · 07/05/2013 11:52

How about something less dramatic: I dress DC up in bright block colours when out in crowded areas. DS has a bright orange jacket and DD has a bright pistachio green t-shirt, for example.

Goldenhandshake · 07/05/2013 11:53

OP are you in Essex? I only ask as I was at a park yesterday beginning with L and saw a child in a hi-vis vest, first time I have seen it.

Twinklestarstwinklestars · 07/05/2013 11:53

I'm a childminder and make my lot wear them on outings, makes them much easier to spot in parks etc.

worldgonecrazy · 07/05/2013 11:56

DD (3) has her own hi-vis jacket, bought specifically because of the high mileage that we do. She has only worn it once, when our car broke down and I had to move her from the car to the breakdown vehicle. I would never consider putting her in it during visits to the park.

Fakebook · 07/05/2013 11:59

A bib? Like a proper baby's bib? On a 5 year old? :(

My 5 year old dd would rip it off. I still manage to find her in a packed playground. Maybe teach her to stay close by and about stranger danger?

LookingThroughTheFog · 07/05/2013 12:06

I have prosopagnosia (face blindness) and my two poor little sods don't get to go to the park much (with me) because I panic when I can't recognise them among the masses of children. They do now know that they will need to come and find me after school and so forth, but they can't be forced to break of play some nine or ten times to come and tell me where they are and what they are doing. I do take them if I'm part of a group, so that friends can identify them for me, or very early when the park is quiet enough.

I wish I'd have thought of a high vis vest ages ago when they were still young enough to accept it.

At school? No. You need to manage your panic, and that's fine and fair enough, but you don't need to manage the teacher/helper's panic. Which they probably won't do anyway.

JerseySpud · 07/05/2013 12:14

You are being highly unreasonable. and very pfb.

squoosh · 07/05/2013 12:15

I'm cringing for your little girl. Nothing will happen to her, she will be fine.

You need to manage your fears rather than leaving your child open to ridicule from her peers.

Viviennemary · 07/05/2013 12:17

Put the jacket on the child for the park. But it is absolutely not necessary for school.

SantanaLopez · 07/05/2013 12:22

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 07/05/2013 12:23

We all worry about our children but really YABU and OTT.

Especially about the school trip. They always have lots of adults on trips at this age each adult is in charge of about 4 children, the teachers also count the children all the time, they wont lose her!

As for the park, I would be more inclined to just dress her in something bright so you can spot her, you don't want her friends laughing at her do you?

lynniep · 07/05/2013 12:30

Yes you are.
I understand the need to spot her when you're in the park.
I quite often dress my boys in bright t-shirts so I can see them more easily.
I did it on Sunday when we went to the beach - DS1 had a bright yellow power ranges t-shirt, and DS2 a bright yellow mickey mouse t-shirt.

But a high viz - no - thats for toddlers on a day trip with the nursery.

Shellington · 07/05/2013 12:32

Do you put one on too, so she can spot you among all the grow-ups?

Ehhn · 07/05/2013 12:34

This reminds me of my mother, who used to take the day off when first made me go in her car to school trips then later used to follow the school bus in her car as she didn't trust bus safety. I was bullied mercilessly. Don't do it to your children!!

Happymum22 · 07/05/2013 13:13

YABU!
Your DD needs to learn risk management and not be overprotected, to help her in later life be safe without you hanging over her ready to prevent the tiniest of injuries happening.

Just remember what colour t shirt she is wearing and look out for that.
On school trips they often put them all in hi-vis jackets if they are walking anywhere.

greenformica · 07/05/2013 13:18

I usually opt for a very very bright t shirt - lime green or bright orange.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 07/05/2013 13:28

What Shellington said :)

Doing this is about your peace of mind Shiny not about your child's safety, so it is, in the end, selfish - as was what Ehhn 's mother did to her.

Lookingthroughthefog that must be really hard, but your case is an exception - OP has not mentioned anything like that. I still don't know if high vis jackets would have been the answer, but at least your DC could have explained the reason to their friends, not just that their mother was paranoid.

The school trip idea is ridiculously pfb and silly on all sorts of levels, as others have mentioned - the child would look different to her peers if they are in uniform too, which would actually put her more at risk of not being returned to the right group if she did wander off! The school would be very unlikely to go along with it.

Young toddlers and nursery trips where all the children are in the same jacket are totally different, for obvious reasons.

Shiney are you going to come back and tell us whether you're going to stick with the vest or change your mind? Does your DD accept wearing the vest? Do her friends say anything?

I am surprised by the poster who says her children don't mind this and their friends say nothing - my 5 and 7 year olds often have things to say about what their friends and classmates wear, and have strong opinions on what they wear themselves...

squoosh · 07/05/2013 13:29

Poor Ehhn, how humiliating for you!

fledtoscotland · 07/05/2013 14:06

Ds1 has a fluorescent runners hat in the winter. I can see him and it makes him more visible to cars/cyclists on full mornings.

YABU to use a hi vis vest in broad daylight in a park

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