Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to cancel attending friends murder mystery tonight? WWYD?

27 replies

SweetTeaVodka · 05/05/2013 17:21

I'm really torn with what to do. Expected at the birthday party of one of my best friends this evening. It's a murder mystery themed event, so we all have parts to play etc. It's been arranged for months as she needed firm numbers so she knew how many to buy the party for. I know she put a lot of thought into who got what part. This is something she's wanted to do for ages and is going all out on it.

The problem is my 3 month old daughter is under the weather. Not quite herself - sleepier, clingier, and fussier than usual. I'm a nurse and my experience is suspecting ear infection, although her temperature is normal - bright red ear she keeps tugging, appears to be in pain when not dosed with Calpol. She has had watery green stools 5 times today, but weeing lots and feeding more frequently, so I'm not too worried about dehydration.

My mother is happy to babysit despite this, but my husband wants us to cancel. It doesn't help that we have only left her for a few hours twice before and on one of those occassions she became very unwell with gastroenteritis and was admitted to hospital.

To be honest, I don't feel terribly good about the thought of leaving her while she is on the poorly side, but also feel bad at the prospect of cancelling on my friend. I'm worried two characters not being present will ruin her murder mystery, and I know how much she's been looking forward to it. If it wasn't for the murder mystery I'd cancel no question.

WWYD?

OP posts:
grabaspoon · 05/05/2013 17:23

Can you not put her in a cot at your friends?

SkiBunnnnny · 05/05/2013 17:23

How far away will you be if you need to come back?

TidyDancer · 05/05/2013 17:23

How far away is the party? If it's within distance where you can get back sharp ish if necessary, I would go to it. It's not as if its any old babysitter you're leaving DD with.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 05/05/2013 17:24

Would your mother be willing to go in your place with your DH and you stay home? It wouldn't be the same for your friend but would mean it wouldn't ruin her party. Would DH go if one of you were home?

WilsonFrickett · 05/05/2013 17:25

If it's not too far away I would go, but on the proviso one of you doesn't drink so you can drive back if necessary. Or take her with you, but if she won't settle that might be a worse-case scenario.

Or could you take your mother with you and DP stay? I know that's a bit out there but this is one of those occassions where two warm bodies are needed at the party...

WilsonFrickett · 05/05/2013 17:26

X post Grin

CajaDeLaMemoria · 05/05/2013 17:26

Oohh...

I'd usually say stay, but murder mysteries take so much planning, and two characters being gone could ruin the whole thing.

I suppose you could speak to your friend and see if one of you could stay? Whoever has the least important character?

Or if your mum is close, just give your friend a heads up that you will have to leave If she gets worse?

It sounds like your mum could cope with this, as it's calpol and cuddles etc, but I can see your dilemma

FurryDogMother · 05/05/2013 17:26

I'd go to the party but leave strict instructions for your Mum to call you immediately if there's any cause for concern. She managed to get you through babyhood, so will be fine with your baby too! If it was more of a casual party, then I'd say stay at home for your own peace of mind - but you and your DH not turning up would probably ruin your friend's planned evening.

LastTangoInDevonshire · 05/05/2013 17:28

Of course you can go to the party - and, of course, your Mum is quite capable of letting you know if your DD gets worse.

So I'm with Caja on this.

VivaLeBeaver · 05/05/2013 17:29

I'm sure your mum has nursed you through ear infections as a small child. She loves your dd and I'm sure will be a fab babysitter. Go, tell your mum to ring if any concerns.

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 05/05/2013 17:30

I can see your torn but I'm sure your mother will be fine with your dd.

Or let dh stay and take your dm.

roisin · 05/05/2013 18:05

Go to the party. Relax and enjoy yourself, but don't drink too much alochol!
When ds2 was about 5 months he had a serious chest infection; I'd been to the GPs twice that week. That morning GP said that if ds2 stayed the same or got worse in the next 24 hours, I should take him up to hospital. So I cancelled my plans for that evening, which really were a once in a lifetime thing for me.

My regular babysitter was a qualified nursery nurse and she lived next door with her mum, who was a very experienced childminder and her day, who was a firefighter. I'm sure they would have coped with ds2 even in the circumstances.

ds2 is 14 this week and it seems silly, but it really is one of my few regrets in life that I didn't go! (He did improve, so we avoided hospital.)

alienbanana · 05/05/2013 18:07

Go to the party

MissLurkalot · 05/05/2013 18:10

Go to the party...just make sure you and your mum are on the same page mum are on the same page with little one. Enjoy. X

redexpat · 05/05/2013 18:52

Make sure there is enough calpol in the house.

Go to the party.

Keepyour mobile on, and inform hosts.

IHateSafeStyle · 05/05/2013 18:54

With my mum babysitting yes I would go, anyone else no

TolliverGroat · 05/05/2013 18:58

I wouldn't go if it were a random babysitter, but with your mother -- go.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 05/05/2013 19:19

If your shoes I would go to the party.

I have a lot of faith in my mum though - that she could care for an ill DD, and that she would ring me if necessary.

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 05/05/2013 19:57

Is dd ok? What did you decide?

greenformica · 05/05/2013 22:27

calpol your DD and go to the party. Granny will be great for cuddles and will contact you if things get bad.

bobthebear · 05/05/2013 22:31

Are you sure it isn't teething? My DD used to get bright red ears when teething am sure my GP loved me appearing constantly expecting ear infections when she was just teething

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 06/05/2013 15:47

I wondered that too bobthebear?

OP where are you???

GiveMumABreak · 06/05/2013 16:42

Where did OP GO?

TidyDancer · 06/05/2013 16:44

I could be wrong, but I wonder if the OP was looking for a lot of posts saying 'don't leave DD' and perhaps doesn't want to come back and say she cancelled on the party in light of the fact that no one said stay at home!

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 06/05/2013 16:47

Can't dh stay with the poorly child and you go to the party Confused surely losing one character is better than two.

Although, tbh I'd go if it's just an evening. Overnight probably not though.