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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this woman took baby wearing to another level

192 replies

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 04/05/2013 14:41

In a shop with my ds looking at baby stuff and a mum comes in with her two dcs, one in a buggy, another in a sling.

The child in the sling looked about 5! Grin

He was that tall that when she knelt down to pick something out of the buggy his feet touched the floor and he jumped up which made him bang his head on her chin I had to turn away or I might've laughed
I may sound like a cow but I smiled at her when she first came in and she just sneered at me before launching into loud parenting.

OP posts:
YoniBottsBumgina · 04/05/2013 17:38

MrsPratchett, sounds like a good supportive back carrier designed for larger toddlers would work well for you. Depending on how hippie you are, a woven wrap (super hippie, steep learning curve), custom made/large size mei tai (fairly hippie but depends on fabric used, requires tying) or a boba 3g (least hippie, has clips, but may not be as tailored to you and your child, however, probably the best soft structured carrier for large toddlers).

YoniBottsBumgina · 04/05/2013 17:43

Back carries aren't back breaking because a good supportive carrier distributes the weight to your hips and thighs which are your strongest muscles. It's like giving a large child a piggyback is much easier than trying to hold them in your arms. And adults can be carried using a fireman's lift. It's all about weight distribution!

cheesesarnie · 04/05/2013 17:47

i carried ds2 in a sling till he was 3 ish. i'm very petite and probably looked like a right plonker but ....

  1. with 2 other dc it made my life so much easier.
  2. he was the laziest of 3 and didn't walk far.
  3. i had really bad pnd with the other two and it really helped bonding.
  4. he was my last and i admit that i took a while to 'let go'.

so shoot (sorry judge) me.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/05/2013 17:51

I'll have a look in the second hand baby shops, Yoni, cheers.

TokenGirl1 · 04/05/2013 17:51

I carry my 4yo on my back because she's lighter than my 3yo. She has hypermobility and gets tired very quickly. She cannot walk half as far as my younger child and so I use the sling when I catch the bus. Using the double on the bus is a pain and both of mine would struggle with a 7 mile walk on a round trip without being pushed or carried for some of it. It also means my hands are free which helps generally.

I've had people making comments to her 'oh you're a big girl, you can walk' and it gets a bit annoying. The doctor told us that she was in a buggy until she was in year one because of the condition. I am dreading the school run when dd starts reception!

I might think something but I'd never say it if I don't know the situation.

TokenGirl1 · 04/05/2013 17:56

We use the ergo carrier and it's the best one I've ever used

guanosoup · 04/05/2013 18:02

On a related note, I was in a cafe today, and a woman had a very sweet baby in a forward facing sling whilst she carried her tray of food back.
The baby did an almighty sneeze all over her food.
It was an 'aww, eeeww, eugh, awww' moment. Grin

GertrudeSlojinski · 04/05/2013 18:05

By "African-style", I meant tied to my back with a wrapper/scarf, as opposed to simply piggy-backing him. I'm from (and grew up in a little village in) West Africa, and plenty women do carry their 4yos. If the mother had several children with enough of an age gap, you would frequently find both the mother and an older sibling each backing young ones up to the age of 4. But thanks for the lesson, albeit a poorly researched one (from my perspective, at least).

thebody · 04/05/2013 18:07

Token that must be hard.

KitchenandJumble · 04/05/2013 18:47

I wouldn't do it. Well, physically I couldn't carry a child of that size in a sling. And it's not something I would do even if I physically could. But if others want to, I can't get too worked up about it. Their choice, their aching back.

And can I just add that I loathe the phrase "baby wearing"? Shudder.

sherazade · 04/05/2013 19:09

YABU to judge the other woman, or to think you know how old her dc was. The principle of babywearing is that it is in harmony with the child's developmentally driven needs and abilities. Babies and toddlers are worn till they are ready to walk, at which point they want to walk. I don't know of any five year old who would be happy to be harnessed to their mums chest because of the lack of freedom, the discomfort, and the child's urge for freedom and independence. And if they did, they may have a SN, or developmental delay, or maybe it's just not your business.

HoneyDragon · 04/05/2013 19:14

A small child. That wants to be carried? Shock how fucking abnormal.
What the actual fuck is the country coming to? It's the bloody coalitions fault.

Minifingers · 04/05/2013 19:16

I carried my MASSIVE 3 year old on my back. His feet were trailing past my knees. He has autism and at that age it was the best way to travel anywhere. He wouldn't stay in the buggy.

slatternlymother · 04/05/2013 19:19

I saw a lady in Falmouth a few month ago wearing her son on her front, who was about 4. He told her he was tired, so she picked him up, plopped him in the sling on her front (I just thought it was a loose top!) and off he went to sleep!

Fair enough, but he was an average sized child, and I remember thinking I'd really struggle to carry him around.

Is there not an easier way? This lady didn't have an older child, so a buggy board wasn't an option, and I can understand not wanting to take a buggy around with you 'just in case', but that would really do you in.

slatternlymother · 04/05/2013 19:20

Would it be safe, as well? I think my (small) 2.5 yo would probably rip any sling straight up the arse, he is just too heavy surely?

MiaowTheCat · 04/05/2013 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VinegarDrinker · 04/05/2013 19:25

You wouldn't carry a toddler in a baby carrier slatternly (although some work for both). We sling my 2y 2m old no issues - albeit in a back carry, it's no different from giving them a piggy back (well, except a lot easier and more comfortable!). We have a buggy but it just isn't convenient for us to use most of the time.

I assume those who think the child in the OP should be walking 100% of the time are saying the same on threads about older children in buggies?

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 04/05/2013 19:27

You can carry a child that size if you always have. Your capacity and strength increases as the child slowly grows, also you don't usually carry them for as long as you would a baby.

I also agree that if it is acceptable to piggyback a child then it is no different to wear them in a sling but is less tiring as your back is stronger than your arms if you have a good one that fits well. I used to hip carry my youngest in the sling or on my back if we were out for the day and he was tired. He did walk but after a day spent walking round a themepark he was worn out. It was easier for me in many ways to put a kid on my hip or back and stick all our clobber in the pushchair. I hate carrying all those bags. Zoos and themeparks don't usually allow scooters so those are out.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 04/05/2013 19:32

Slatternly, depends on the carrier. Hammocks are made from fabric (sometimes thinnish stuff) and can hold an adult. I made my sling and knew it was study. I also checked it from time to time to make sure the fabric was still good and the stitching wasn't coming undone.

slatternlymother · 04/05/2013 19:33

vinegar no, I was talking about the fabric wrappy ones, as that's what I saw this lady carrying her DS in.

I can see why people would do it, I'd just be afraid he sling wouldn't be strong enough. It's stretchy t shirt material, isn't it?

VinegarDrinker · 04/05/2013 19:39

You can get or make wraps out of almost any material. It wouldn't have been a Moby type stretchy wrap, it will have been a woven wrap which is perfectly comfortable and safe for carrying heavier children.

slatternlymother · 04/05/2013 19:40

Well there we go!

I might look out one of those wraps actually, could you link to one?

DS is grown out of his pram now, but on long walks its a real pain in the arse to put him on my shoulders/give piggybacks because he likes to look around and wave his arms around Grin

KentuckyFriedChildren · 04/05/2013 19:49

I do occasionally back carry my autistic 5 yr old in a woven wrap (african stylee- I knew what you meant Gertrude) because it's bloody easier than trying to navigate the pram while trying to drag him along by the wrist when he's "dead-weighting"

VinegarDrinker · 04/05/2013 19:51

Look at Hoppediz or Didymos for woven wraps. Or you could get a toddler soft structured carrier like a Boba, which do up with buckles. We have a Manduca as our main carrier, which is another brand of soft structured carrier like the Ergo, suitable for toddlers.

It makes life so much easier, honestly. DS likes to walk 90% of the time but still naps some days and/or gets tired and oppositional and having a sling in my bag is so much easier than pushing an empty buggy around all day "just in case".

kungfupannda · 04/05/2013 19:51

I know plenty of people who've carried their children right up to school age. This child could easily have been a tall pre-schooler.

I carried DS2 on my commute across London (on my back admittedly) until he was nearly 2 1/2 and I was over 7 months pregnant. And last Christmas, my MIL and I walked to an evening Christmas event in her town, taking DS1 with us. He was knackered on the way back so I slung him. He was 3 1/2 and his feet were dangling down around my knees, but it was a whole lot easier than trying to carry him or make him walk.

I also used to know a Nigerian lady who told me she'd carried her children until they were 5, using a waist-coat type carrier.

I can't imagine she carries an older child all the time - maybe he wasn't feeling well, or was particularly tired and whinging to be picked up, so she just stuck him in the sling, instead of the baby. Why not? If she's comfortable doing it and the child is happy, what's the problem?

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