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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be slightly shocked when my MIL advised adding juice to my 3mo's water so he'll drink it?

126 replies

poppyandthelion · 03/05/2013 23:27

Hi, this is my first post!

I see my MIL every 3-4 weeks for an hour or 2 with my DS. This week at the visit I mentioned I have been trying to give him water but he's not really been interested. Her advice was to add juice to it..! He's 3 months old!

Also on a visit about a month ago she said that it wouldn't be long until I could give him rusks and prob from about 3 months. I said I'd be trying to not wean him until 6 months if I can but she thought that was silly and he could go much sooner.

These are not my main concerns as he's my DS and I'll be the one feeding him etc. For now.

When I go back to work we will have to have MIL looking after him 1 day a week and I'm slightly concerned as to what she'll feed him or give him to drink even with my instruction. My DP says he's turned out fine and all GM's spoil there GKs.

AIBU??

OP posts:
sammysaidso · 03/05/2013 23:31

Pay for a child minder or nursery.grandparents mean well but have very out of date ideas.

sammysaidso · 03/05/2013 23:32

Sorry missed a space then Blush

Xales · 03/05/2013 23:36

Should you be giving a three month old baby water at all?

zoobaby · 03/05/2013 23:36

Be thankful she didn't suggest some kind of alcohol additive. YANBU either. When she's looking after your DS you'll first need to establish what is acceptable and non-acceptable. GPs are usually willing to listen as long as there's a sensible reason.

zoobaby · 03/05/2013 23:37

Actually, I take back my "usually" and replace it with a "sometimes".

zoobaby · 03/05/2013 23:40

And tell DP there's a big difference between spoiling your GC and blatantly disregarding you DIL's wishes.

valiumredhead · 03/05/2013 23:41

It's juice in some water not poison Grin Just tell her you don't want to give your baby juice.

Saying that juice sorted out my ds's constipation and that was advised by a consultant from Kings and ds was younger than 3 months Grin

NotKathyReichs · 03/05/2013 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohforfoxsake · 03/05/2013 23:49

Give her a break. She's only trying to help.

The recommended way of doing things change all the time, and she's sharing her knowledge as she knows it. It was recommended at the time that DS1 be weaned at 3 months. DS2 was born 14 months later and the advice was 6 months.

Children need their relationship with their grandparents, your DC is very lucky to have her and I don't suppose she's accepting payment for the childcare.

I mean this kindly, but you need to relax a bit.

CloudsAndTrees · 03/05/2013 23:59

Yabu to be shocked and think that someone who is now old enough to be a grandparent should be up to date with all of the advice that is given now.

When her babies were babies, the things she is advising you were seen as good advice!

Did you think she should stock up on baby magazines and books so that she could have a lovely read all about how everything she did with her babies is now considered wrong?

TigOldBitties · 04/05/2013 00:03

It's only a bit of juice. Babies used to be weaned from earlier than 3 months, a bit of juice and water is hardly a big deal. Just say you don't want to do it as you want to stick with the advice.

She's only trying to help, you can't expect her to have kept up with it all. I haven't since my first baby and I've had DC not that long ago. I always just followed what I thought was best rather than 'the advice'.

DuelingFanjo · 04/05/2013 00:05

Weaning guidelines don't change 'all the time' they've only changed something like twice in many years.

50shadesofbrown · 04/05/2013 00:17

YANBU to want her to follow your rules on what your child can eat, drink etc. However YABU to expect her to know if no-one has gone through it with her in detail & explained reasons why etc. Advice on baby safety was vastly different only a few years ago. My MIL has given/tried to give various things to my DD who is still not 1 year: marzipan at 8 months, honey & brandy in her milk FFS at 4 months! Icing off a cake bought from a market stall, it hadn't even been covered, DD was 3 months, I was livid, she could literally have killed her with listeria or something!

I hope think my MIL just didn't realise how different things are now, this is probably the case for you as well.

bicyclebuiltforfour · 04/05/2013 00:24

Why are you giving a 3m old water??

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 04/05/2013 00:27

Juice..........OMG.Shock

Keep your eyes on that one, she is clearly deranged.

And may try to actually eat your baby.Grin

ps. YABU.

CloudsAndTrees · 04/05/2013 00:30

It sounds wierd that you are seeing her once every three to four weeks for just an hour or two when the baby is only three months old, yet you are expecting her to know everything about how babies are looked after nowadays.

It sounds like she's barely seen him, and you say 'we will have to have mil looking after him' when you go back to work.

You don't have to do anything. You could find someone who is paid to know the up to date guidelines instead of taking a huge favour from someone you sound like you have very little respect for.

pickledginger · 04/05/2013 00:38

Why are you giving a 3 month old water Confused

edwardsmum11 · 04/05/2013 00:44

I'm also wondering why you are giving a 3mo water.

kritur · 04/05/2013 01:05

3mo babies should not be having water... Unless it's for a specific reason like constipation. Breast milk or formula should provide all their liquid and there should be no need to give additional water unless you live in a very hot country and LO is ff.

Your MIL is only saying what worked for her, your OH has a point...

StarsdontShine · 04/05/2013 01:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wreckitralph · 04/05/2013 01:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wuldric · 04/05/2013 01:58

YABU - PFB - s'okay, we've all been there :)

Your child will not erupt in boils, I promise.

Kafri · 04/05/2013 06:29

I've been told to give ds water if he's not pood and if it didn't help to put a spoonful of OJ into a 4oz bottle of water. (just for those asking about giving 3m water)

if you only see MIL this infrequently then how is she going to know dc well enough to babysit for you.

agree with others tho, if you don't think you can trust her to do things how you want then don't accept free child care - plenty of childminders and nurseries to choose from.

also agree that she'll be going off information that she was told but that doesn't mean she shoukd go directly against what yiu want.

conorsrockers · 04/05/2013 06:46

DS1 didn't like water - so we gave him juice (sugar free etc ...) from about that age, much better for their teeth than fruit juice, and weaned all of them at around 4 months (my others all happened to like water better!) Did mine no harm at all - now strapping lads. It's hard not to get too caught up in all the 'advice' and preciousness (I say that in the nicest possible way) of it, as long as you're sensible they will be fine. As your DH says - he's alive!!

mathanxiety · 04/05/2013 06:52

Get someone else to do the CMing. You are setting yourself up for serious family grief to involve your MIL and your DH's comment is an illustration of just what you will be up against. There is no such thing as free when it comes to baby care. You will pay no matter what, and all you get to choose is what form your payment will take.

The advice given to mothers of your MIL's generation was very different from what is now advised for baby nutrition. Plus, being out of the baby care racket for a good many years, your MIL has probably forgotten loads of sensible things.

A normal 3 mo does not need water.

Over the course of the years my first three DCs were born bfeeding guidelines changed from 3 months to at least a year for optimal benefit. My exMIL fed her children orange juice and formula prepared from evaporated milk, sugar and water from day one. That was baby feeding advice at the time (1950s and 60s). I have an American cookbook published in 1976 that has a section on feeding infants and 'invalids' at the back -- same sort of advice.