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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend has deleted me from facebook and told me I'm selfish

100 replies

bananaandpear · 03/05/2013 18:44

My XDH and I split last year, during this time I became close to a lady who is older than me and found myself confiding in her a lot. Her DH works away, and she has no family local so she spent Christmas with me and my 2 DSs.

After I split with XH, I got a new DP, and also am applying for college courses (am on benefits at the moment but don't see this being a long term thing.)

So meanwhile friend is going through fertility treatment and we haven't really spoken for a while, I put this down to being busy and so on, but then I sent her a message on facebook yesterday cause I saw she'd updated her status saying she'd had a tough day and she only just replied.

She says she understands I've been busy but she'd been a bit hurt that I hadn't bothered asking her about her or her treatment for ages, also that I haven't contacted another friend who has cervical cancer and "she would have appreciated this a lot" that I still owed her quite a lot of money "I don't enjoy doing this but I really feel in some respects you've been a bit selfish"

Clearly having 2 young DCs and collage I am busy so AIBU?

OP posts:
SoleSource · 03/05/2013 22:36

Be my friend, i will fuck you up

likeitorlumpit · 03/05/2013 22:50

why you even asking , not like you care about them anyway , bet they are glad to be rid of a self obsessed bore like you .

acheekyvimto · 03/05/2013 22:57

YABU, she has been a support to you, she may need support in her life and you are too busy to provide it.

I was a similar situation, I supported someone but if I needed an ear they weren't available.

TwinkleTits · 03/05/2013 23:03

So

  • no asking after your friend diagnosed with cancer.
  • no asking after a previously close froend going through IVF

-owing money to friend

  • deleted by friends
  • thinks friend 'is jealous' of you being a mother
  • got time for DP but no time for friends going through the mill.
  • thinks friends are jealous because you have a new boyfriend (?!)

Seriously OP, you seriously cannot see the problem here?

Purple2012 · 03/05/2013 23:17

Yabu I'm afraid. You don't sound like a supportive friend. I would be pissed off with someone if they didn't contact me when knowing I was going through a hard time. I dont see how you can be too busy to just send a supportive text now and then.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 03/05/2013 23:26

((yawn))

sweetestcup · 03/05/2013 23:29

Oh its competitive business time is it? I will take your part time imaginary college place and 2 kids and raise you to 3 kids and a full-time job thenGrin...get over yourself - there are 24 hours in each and every day - it takes a few minutes to call or text a friend.

GaryBarlowsPants · 03/05/2013 23:31

I'll be your friend OP. You sound great.

Anyone else waiting for the deletion message>?

ProtegeMoi · 03/05/2013 23:31

You were too busy to text it call friends who were a) going through fertility treatment and b) diagnosed with cancer?

Wow I'd be amazed if you had any friends, can you seriously not see why they are annoyed?

They were there when you needed them but you got a new boyfriend so fucked them off when they needed you.

greenformica · 03/05/2013 23:32

I think a quick text to say you are thinking about someone would have helped. And the odd phone call. Just ring and apologise. Say sorry for being so rubbish and ask how she is? Also deliver owed money or at least tell her you haven't forgotten about it and that you are sorry it's taking a while.

greenformica · 03/05/2013 23:35

The friend with cancer is probably just concentrating on the friends/family who are more immediate and helpful practically/emotionally in her life. Why not drop her a card and say you are thinking of her?

LadyBeagleEyes · 03/05/2013 23:38

I need to know more about the social social services.
Why were they called

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 03/05/2013 23:39

You sound like a treat OP.

poppyinthemiddle · 03/05/2013 23:42

I agree with lots posted in earlier replies- but this reads more like a reverse aibu!

hurricanewyn · 03/05/2013 23:46

If we're getting competitive, I'm in university doing my final year (dissertation, finals etc), working part time on top of my placements & I have two DCs including one with SN's. I also have a DH & manage to have time for my friends.

Do I win a prize? Grin

BlackeyedSusan · 03/05/2013 23:51

so you invited her to christmas because she had no-one to go to? that is really kind, especially when you had not known her that long.

you sent her a messaage when she posted she was feeling down.

you accompanied her on a trip as moral support, to help her sort her fertility issues.

you know i do not see the same person as aa lot of people do.

how long was not for a while? who was the last to make contact?
did you pay for christmas?

iPadTypo · 03/05/2013 23:57

Oh dear Hmm

MusicalEndorphins · 04/05/2013 05:48

OP, if I were you, and there was some confusion over that trip you went on, I would tell her I would pay a little at a time, if that is all you can afford, and apologuise, and explain you didn't realize it was a loan.

olibeansmummy · 04/05/2013 06:38

This isn't true is it...

If it is then YABU.

CheeryCherry · 04/05/2013 07:12

This not been deleted yet?

TheSecondComing · 04/05/2013 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ · 04/05/2013 10:46

have had time for new boyfriend obviously he's important and I love him -So friends are not important to you?

the lady with cervical cancer was diagnosed, and she deleted me from facebook a month later -So you had a month in which to find five minutes to show some concern?

lardybum · 04/05/2013 11:11

It takes less than 20 bloody seconds to send a text asking someone how they are. It can take less than 5 minutes to quickly call and do the same.

I bet my last quid that you found those minutes to call when you needed them.

Selfish and self centred springs to mind...

LadyBeagleEyes · 04/05/2013 11:16

I expect Op is too busy dealing with Social Services to come back at the moment.

LibertineLover · 04/05/2013 11:33

What happened at Christmas to make you think your 'friend' would have called SS 2 weeks later??!!

and yes...how long is a while?

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