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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend has deleted me from facebook and told me I'm selfish

100 replies

bananaandpear · 03/05/2013 18:44

My XDH and I split last year, during this time I became close to a lady who is older than me and found myself confiding in her a lot. Her DH works away, and she has no family local so she spent Christmas with me and my 2 DSs.

After I split with XH, I got a new DP, and also am applying for college courses (am on benefits at the moment but don't see this being a long term thing.)

So meanwhile friend is going through fertility treatment and we haven't really spoken for a while, I put this down to being busy and so on, but then I sent her a message on facebook yesterday cause I saw she'd updated her status saying she'd had a tough day and she only just replied.

She says she understands I've been busy but she'd been a bit hurt that I hadn't bothered asking her about her or her treatment for ages, also that I haven't contacted another friend who has cervical cancer and "she would have appreciated this a lot" that I still owed her quite a lot of money "I don't enjoy doing this but I really feel in some respects you've been a bit selfish"

Clearly having 2 young DCs and collage I am busy so AIBU?

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 03/05/2013 19:10

I wasn't really sure what way to land on this one until I read your last post. I'm erring on the side of you being self absorbed to be honest.

Original poster
bananaandpear · 03/05/2013 19:11

whos Samantha brick? No shes not called me, and it was me who texted her yesterday

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 03/05/2013 19:12

You say you are applying for courses so not yet actually at college? Plenty of people with children, work and study still find time for other things.

You don't sound like a very good friend, friends dont ditch each other when a new partner comes on the scene.

I dount shes jealouse of your new partner or the job you "dont yet have" given she works and has a DH. Sounds like you are trying to make excuses.

Bobyan · 03/05/2013 19:13

Maybe you just deserve yourself?

Tee2072 · 03/05/2013 19:14

So two people have deleted you from FB due to your lack of caring?

Perhaps you should take a long look at yourself.

Fedupofdiets · 03/05/2013 19:14

So your friend sticks by you and shows you lots of support and you then turn your back on her as soon as you get a new bloke. Are you for real op?? You sound like a terrible 'friend' I would have deleted you too!!

IneedAsockamnesty · 03/05/2013 19:15

Tbh.

New boyfriend whom you love being more important than 2 friends in difficult circumstances,everybody is jealous.

You do sound self obsessed fickle and not good friend material

Yabu.

Original poster
bananaandpear · 03/05/2013 19:15

Im at college but hope to go to uni, I go to college 2 days a week, then I have 2 DCs and a boyfriend. I think she is jealous of my boyfriend as she said I got with him too soon after splitting from XH.

OP posts:
ladymariner · 03/05/2013 19:17

You sound delightful......hope it works out with your new boyfriend as if not you're in for a very lonely time.....

loofet · 03/05/2013 19:17

Yabu.

College and 2 DC doesn't stop you from texting/calling friends in need. You knew she was having the fertility treatment and so you should have at least messaged her to find out how it was going and how she was...

Also it doesn't matter if the friend with cancer hasn't spoken to you in a while, she was a friend to you at one point and is very sick- it's v. selfish of you not to even ask how she is.

Original poster
bananaandpear · 03/05/2013 19:17

Also I think she might have called social services

OP posts:
Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 03/05/2013 19:18

It just sounds like she's more mature in more ways than one.

Learn from this. Never ditch friends. When your dp/dh isn't there and your dcs leave home they're the most important people in your life.

But she could have rang too so she's a bit U as well.

As for the one with cancer am not sure what happened we'd need more information?

I have friends who I've known years who are hardly in touch. Yet when we do meet up it's great. A lot of them do tend to be in touch more in between men though Hmm Luckily I'm thick skinned. And also have loyal friends who make up for it.

kotinka · 03/05/2013 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebeastandbeauty · 03/05/2013 19:18

Reverse AIBU?

JeeanieYuss · 03/05/2013 19:19

Grin Fakebook

You said you are applying for college, so you aren't actually at college atm, so that leaves you even more time to ask how they are!

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 03/05/2013 19:19

Now you're drip feeding.

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 03/05/2013 19:19

Applying for and now at?

kotinka · 03/05/2013 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeeanieYuss · 03/05/2013 19:21

Ok just seen your update about college/uni... Why didn't you put that in your op? Very conveniant!

Ashoething · 03/05/2013 19:22

1/10

Booyhoo · 03/05/2013 19:25

oh yawn

ChasingStaplers · 03/05/2013 19:27

Sounds like you are selfish, OP.

Friends who support you both ditching you because you can't be arsed to be there for them while they go though bad times . . . You're the common denominator I'm afraid.

letseatgrandma · 03/05/2013 19:28

Are you actually enrolled at college now?

Do you really think she is jealous of you because if you get accepted on a college course, then potentially get accepted on a degree course which if you then finish, you might then be able to get a really good job?!

I'd love to know what course you're doing? You don't want to be a teacher, do you? ;)

MissSG · 03/05/2013 19:29

Can't be real.

If it is, look in the mirror and have a long hard think about yourself OP.

nenevomito · 03/05/2013 19:29

I dumped a person like you.

They're not jealous of you having a new boyfriend, they're pissed off that they were there for you when you had a hard time, but you can't be arsed to offer the same support to them.

The person who I dumped had borrowed money and the funny thing is, if she'd had OFFERED to pay it back, I probably would have said no, but she didn't even offer. She used people when she needed them but never gave support in return.

If two people have dumped you for being selfish and unsupportive OP, guess what, its not jealousy, it's because you're selfish and unsupportive.

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