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AIBU?

to want to kidnap these kids from the park?

108 replies

Amykins35 · 02/05/2013 22:57

We went to the park after school today and there was a mum with her friend and their children. She had a child of around 3 strapped into a Pushchair facing away from her and into a bush. He was screaming and crying and absolutely distraught and she was chatting and laughing with her friend like they couldn't even hear him. After we'd been there 10 mins or so he gave up and went to sleep. One of the other mums commented that he'd been crying like that for an hour beforehand. He woke again after a short while and was crying and thrashing about so much he tipped his pushchair over. His mum smacked him, shouted at him for knocking her shopping over and then Parked him further away before resuming her chat.
DD was trying to go on the slide but a baby of 14 months or so was crawling on it. His mum was sitting w

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everlong · 03/05/2013 14:51

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LemonsLimes · 03/05/2013 16:09

I agree Everlong

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everlong · 03/05/2013 16:35

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Goldenbear · 03/05/2013 16:50

There are also people that always assume the best of someone and a situation, even when a parent's demonstrable behaviour is evidently at best very poor parenting, at worst abuse. I don't understand why people think like this- it is either because they are very naive, cowardly or are pretty similar IME!

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PoppyAmex · 03/05/2013 16:56

You're right, everlong but I didn't mean someone witnessing child abuse should try to assist, rather the oposite actually.

OP managed to glean a hell of a lot of detail from the woman's conversation so if she is convinced it was abuse, perhaps she should've tried to get some identifying details and report the situation.

A lot of hypothetical "ifs" here, but like I said, either she thinks it was abuse in which case she should've called the Police/SS or she didn't and s indulging in a spot of shadenfreude shrugs

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HorryIsUpduffed · 03/05/2013 16:58

Yesterday in the school playground DS(2) was having a screaming tantrum in the pram. I was deliberately ignoring him because I knew he was overtired and needed to drop off, and would likely be fast asleep within a couple of minutes, before DS1 came out.

In the meantime a little girl (probably 3) came up to me and said "He wants you. He's crying." I would have been a bit if an adult had said it, but as it was I smiled and thanked her for noticing, but explained that he was tired and needed a sleep so I was trying to let him.

I wouldn't have left him an hour, obviously, nor walloped him, but I don't think a snapshot of "ignored him while he was crying" is in itself an indicator of careless parenting.

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Goldenbear · 03/05/2013 17:17

Well exactly, those are the differentiating factors- you didn't smack him or leave him for an hour to cry it out.

I can well see why the OP noticed this parent and what she was saying if she was close enough. How big are the play areas you go to and is your local play area full of lovely parents smacking their babies, who have been screaming for up to an hour as they are forced to take a nap at any distress in a stimulating environment, where children usually play, not sleep, facing a bush?

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LaGuardia · 03/05/2013 17:23

I hope that, in my lifetime, smacking children will be deemed a criminal offence.

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loofet · 03/05/2013 17:25

Hmm. Well in this instance I really can't see an excuse for just leaving him strapped in a buggy screaming faced away from her, not one. Its a park, I imagine a lot of open space, so there are no safety concerns if she let him out of the buggy. Also I don't see any need to be in the park, sounds like she was purely there to socialise so she could have gone home to get him down for a nap.

It's different from a situation where you can't physically leave i.e on a bus or train. She could have got him out to try cuddling him or got up and pushed him around/just pushed the buggy back and forth. I can't really see an excuse for it tbh, I tried to find one to justify it but couldn't at all.

I've been in situations where my DC have had tantrums on a bus or train but that's entirely different, I couldn't just get up and leave as she could have done. I didn't just sit there though and leave them too it. I actively tried everything in my power to calm them. I don't actually think I could just listen to them scream, it distresses me as much as them.

Never any excuse to smack, ever. I can't defend this woman at all tbh, I just can't reason with her behaviour. Sounds to me like she'd rather not have a child -shrug- She seems to prioritise gossiping over her DC anyway...

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5madthings · 03/05/2013 17:29

Smacking not good.

Perhaps screaming himself to sleep.is what he does, some children do and plenty of people think cc and cio is ok to get a child to sleep, I could never do it myself.

As an aside op, yoi say you were at the park with your three kids and two dogs, i do hope you didnt have your dogs in the play area and they were on the lead in a place with so many children likely to be running around?

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Floggingmolly · 03/05/2013 17:51

Screaming themselves to sleep at three, 5madthings? That'd be a bit extreme, don't you think?

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5madthings · 03/05/2013 18:01

Yes i do think its extreme but some kids do. I have always co-slept etc with mine but i know my sister always screamed/cried no matter what my mum did and she would go to sleep better left to cry.

There was a toddker at toddler group tiday, the mum was trying everything to comfort him and nothing was working, poor mum was frazzled and eventually she put him in the pushchair where he cried for a bit longer then went to sleep. He just needed to be put down and left alone.

As i said mine all co-slept and i woukd never do controlled crying or cry it out etc. But it does work for some children if you agree with it...

My ds4 usec to grumble to himself when going to sleep and if i disturbed him he got more upset, he wanted me to lay by him.but not cuddle him, if i tried to cuddld him he would get more upset but he wanted my presence next to him.

Funny things childrrn.

The scenario the op describes if its real sounds shite but its a snapshot.

Lets hope the op is the perfect parent and a considerate dog owner if she is going to judge

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Goldenbear · 03/05/2013 18:52

I think it's quite dangerous to make a mockery of that concern with the 'perfect parent' comments. Of course no one can be perfect it is not necessary to be so before you show concern for people being seriously mistreated. It is an expectation of a civilised society that people care about the treatment of others.

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kotinka · 03/05/2013 19:04

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ChairmanWow · 03/05/2013 20:01

I think the general point was that we don't know why the child was left crying. My DS will only calm down if he's ignored - and he tantrums by wailing, which even my DH mistakes for crying. Talking to him when he's like that winds him up further and prolongs the tantrum.

The smack was, of course, wrong. There's no excuse for that. The conversation snippet is bollocks. OP either had her hands too full to be able to eavesdrop or should have been keeping an eye on her own 3 kids. I'm also wondering how happy the other parents were with her bringing 2 dogs into a play area. Strictly forbidden where I live and with good reason.

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LemonsLimes · 03/05/2013 20:24

I wonder if the mother and friend could be bothered to break off from their chatting and laughing to offer the child a drink while they left him distraught for an hour. The fact that he fell asleep and then woke up again shortly aftewards crying and thrashing around suggests to me there was some need that wasn't being met. (Other than by smacking and shouting of course.

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Goldenbear · 03/05/2013 20:56

I don't get why it is so unlikely that someone would hear someone's conversation in a park. I always hear peoples' conversations due to the fact that you are often in close proximity to other parents watching their children. I have 2 children in tow, one of whom has just turned 2 and likes to leave the play area given any opportunity, despite the level of concentration required I still hear things within earshot. You almost always here obnoxious people because they draw attention to themselves.

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NorksAreMessy · 03/05/2013 21:58

horry that's a lovely little snapshot :)

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Amykins35 · 04/05/2013 22:41

I can't believe people excuse this with 'he was probably overtired' and that mkes it ok! It's his mums job to ensure he doesn't get overtired, if she failed to do in the first instance she should certainly make an effort to soothe him rather than ignore him and continuing chatting. Whoever gave the standard MN response of 'maybe he had SN' - surely it'd be even worse then if he's being physically punished?

Caffeine - you really need to get a bus timetable...!

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Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 04/05/2013 22:43

amykins I know the bus times thanks. The drivers clearly don't!!!

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ThoughtsPlease · 04/05/2013 23:04

Amykins how many children do you have and how old are they?

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jacks365 · 05/05/2013 00:12

Amykins i got stuck for an hour waiting for a bus because it had broken down, it happens. Caffines post clearly states that 1 didn't turn up and the next was late. Sometimes we can't do anything about crying children due to circumstances beyond our control ok your park incident doesn't sound like that but there are legitimate reasons sometimes.

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MrsHelsBels74 · 05/05/2013 00:29

It was me who mentioned SN, I'm assuming you have a wealth of experience of SN children to KNOW what was best for that child.

And how exactly do you prevent a child getting overtired if you have 2 that refuse to sleep until they can't physically stay awake & have been through the ensuing carnage?

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MrsHelsBels74 · 05/05/2013 00:30

Btw I'm not excusing the smacking, am thinking more about the apparent ignoring. It's late, I'm tired & can't remember the exact OP.

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FarBetterNow · 05/05/2013 05:24

Of course there are safety concerns in a park - the swings mainly.

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