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AIBU?

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Original poster

to want to kidnap these kids from the park?

108 replies

Amykins35 · 02/05/2013 22:57

We went to the park after school today and there was a mum with her friend and their children. She had a child of around 3 strapped into a Pushchair facing away from her and into a bush. He was screaming and crying and absolutely distraught and she was chatting and laughing with her friend like they couldn't even hear him. After we'd been there 10 mins or so he gave up and went to sleep. One of the other mums commented that he'd been crying like that for an hour beforehand. He woke again after a short while and was crying and thrashing about so much he tipped his pushchair over. His mum smacked him, shouted at him for knocking her shopping over and then Parked him further away before resuming her chat.
DD was trying to go on the slide but a baby of 14 months or so was crawling on it. His mum was sitting w

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 03/05/2013 00:00

X post - yes, I see you would

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 03/05/2013 00:01

Looking after 3 small children and 2 dogs in the park yet you managed to pay that much attention to someone elses conversation?

Should we expect a thread about a woman in a park so engrossed in someone elses conversation she was neglecting the children she was with.

I believe about a third of this at the most.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 03/05/2013 00:04

Report then

Troll hunting is boring

iloveshortshorts · 03/05/2013 00:05

So you didnt say anything to the mums or offer help, but you listened to their conversation enough so you could run to MN and talk about them.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 03/05/2013 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 03/05/2013 00:09

I already said I wouldn't sit in a park for an hour :) but I would t judge a tantrum based on a snapshot of what I saw. Perhaps he'd been vile all day and the mum just wanted out the house. That's something we can all relate to isn't it?? The shouting isn't ideal but who hasn't reached that point with their kids, the concern is the snacking in all honesty but as no one knows if it was a one off or whether she does or all the time , kidnapping is a harsh thing to say.

Like I said she could be a lazy neglectful mum who drags her kids out whatever is going on. Or she could just be the mum of a drama king/queen child who had been in a foul mood all day and she was t gonna let it hold her prisoner in the house.
We don't know that's the point. Enough people on here post in tears after a public meltdown from their toddler. Others post in similar states cos their child is being horrendous. The advice then is nearly always - grab your coat and just get out the house. Get some air.

FreudiansSlipper · 03/05/2013 00:14

well it s obvious from your posts op this woman was from a council estate spent money on fags and the children probably have different dads so what do you expect

sterilisation of such people is the only answer

MrsHelsBels74 · 03/05/2013 07:06

DS2 is 7 months & when he's tired he can scream for 1/2 an hour easily. Even if I cuddle him & try to sooth him he still screams, he needs sleep. If he doesn't nap long enough he will continue when he wakes.

The smacking & shouting I don't agree with.

OP are you the same smug mum who never watches TV & has the lazy, obese ex who lets your daughter watch DVDs all weekend?

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 03/05/2013 07:24

I'd like to know the secret of having three kids who are permanently so well behaved that a meltdown is the source of such confusion and terror that the only solution is to take them away. I certainly don't see y I should reward my child's tantrum with a snack or a treat just to keep her quiet so people like op don't condemn me to the shit mother pile. amykins there's a entire thread on here dedicated to the ridiculous triggers of tantrums. Go to search and type in cutted up pear. It's not that unusual, kids have meltdowns.

Jinty64 · 03/05/2013 07:35

MrsHelsBels74 you have hit the nail on the head. OP has form for judgey threads.

TerrysAllGold · 03/05/2013 07:37

OP, did you see someone giving their child a Fruit Shoot, another eating a Greggs sausage roll and a pit bull roaming the park unattended too?

Tee2072 · 03/05/2013 07:41

jacks365 "My dd can't keep a tantrum up for more than 2 mins."

You're lucky. My son once had a tantrum non-stop for an entire bus ride of 20 minutes.

But his record is just over an hour. Luckily we were home for that one.

I wasn't there so I can't judge the OPs story.

PoppyAmex · 03/05/2013 07:46

Don't mean to be rude, but I seriously doubt that "I can save money on sun cream because he tans, doesn't burn" line Confused

valiumredhead · 03/05/2013 09:15

Apart from the smack that is exactly what I used to do with ds when he was over tired, he always had a good scream before nodding off.

Tee only 20 mins? God my ds would keep it up for double that, it was exhausting Grin

ryanboy · 03/05/2013 09:22

She was giving him zero stimulation so he would go sleep/calm down.
You have to stay strong in the face of tantrums !!

LadyBeagleEyes · 03/05/2013 09:30

Another perfect mother thread from Amykins.

Tee2072 · 03/05/2013 09:32

He only stopped that time valium because we got off the bus!

fromparistoberlin · 03/05/2013 09:38

she sounds like a shit mum, OP I know what you mean

I dont buy the "you cant judge without knowing the full story"

sounds like at the least very uncompassionate parenting to me

and its depressing as you are essentually powerless OP

As "good" parents we naturally have compassion when we children being treated in a less than kind way

but I can see OP has received alot of [hmmm]

as a society we tend to walk on by alot, and then we get all upset when we read about Baby P

I wonder what his neighbour would have been told if she posted on here as I bet someone saw incidents like OP describes

I hate it that every fucking time someone expresses a concern they get called "nosy" or "judgy"

I think most of us are intelligent enough to distinguish between a bad day, and something worse

fromparistoberlin · 03/05/2013 09:40

"well it s obvious from your posts op this woman was from a council estate spent money on fags and the children probably have different dads so what do you expect sterilisation of such people is the only answer"

WHAT THE FUCK???? you see. OP decsribes a clearly upsetting incident and get spoken to like that

I fucking despair sometimes

PoppyAmex · 03/05/2013 12:17

I think it's about the general tone - there's a certain air of shadenfreude /glee / smugness in the OP's description, which probably makes people second guess the intention.

fromparistoberlin · 03/05/2013 12:22

I dont know Poppy

here is what really upsets me (and I know my post was emotive!)

we are seeing every day that we have worrying levels of child abuse
we know that this comes from both neglectful parents, and from more sinister sources. and we know the damage it causes

and yet...if anyone ever dares post about this on MN they tend to get rounded on, and accused of being

smug
judgy
snobby
fanning the flames of "paedo" hysteria

yet we also know that if more people DID something, this would lesson

yes we might not like a poster, or think they are being hysterical

However the message seems to be overwhelmingly critical

yet maybe they are not sure, maybe they cant ask people in RL, so they turn onto here

this is supposed to be a parenting community, so the prevalant attitude baffles me

Floggingmolly · 03/05/2013 12:30

Why would the op "offer support to this family"????? What planet are you on, Devoncider? Hmm

jacks365 · 03/05/2013 12:39

I suppose i didn't pick up on the tone because what the op describes is all so common in my area. Some of what i see and hear would horrify a lot of you. When one of my children were in reception another mum was called in due to her sons language, she stood in the playground and said "he must hear it here we never f swear" she didn't even realise what she'd said. Another mum i know swears constantly at her 22 month old and calls him all sorts, yes people have bad days but those of you saying your children are like that would you be laughing and chatting while it was going on or stressed and uneasy. Ok maybe the op is a smug mum but then again maybe she's the one behaving like that and looking for validation for her appalling treatment of her dc. Which ever if i saw a child treated like that i'd think poor child.

Fakebook · 03/05/2013 12:47

The smack was obviously wrong but a tantrumming toddler is a nightmare when you're out. Ds had two melt downs on Wednesday. One at a bus stop where he screamed for about 15 mins and then another when I was buying fruit at a market stall. I had one man go past saying "bloody hell", and then I had an old lady who was apparently an ex-health visitor asking me what was wrong with him and sympathising with me telling me "motherhood is a very lonely job isn't it?"...Confused but even with the weird comments, she still stood with me and walked a little way with us talking to ds which quietened him a bit.

He went to sleep after 20 mins. I wasn't going to take him out and start hugging and soothing him as that would have given him the chance to get out of my lap and make a run for the pigeons and taxis.

Maybe you could have helped soothe him? I always get people talking to ds in shops when he's crying and he stops within seconds of a stranger talking to him.

Goldenbear · 03/05/2013 13:21

I agree with Fromparistoberlin, abuse does go on, shit, bullying, haven't a fucking clue parenting goes on but it if it is ever mentioned on hear the OPs are rounded on, accused of being 'judgey' and in all probability misunderstood what they saw and heard. Equally, they will use their own parenting tales to make light of whatever anyone explains they have seen to normalise it.

Ignoring a toddler screaming for an hour strapped into a pushchair facing away from you and then smacking the child is SHIT parenting and it's STILL shit even if you yourself have done the same. Giving a child a snack in a pushchair to placate them is 100x better than leaving them to get distressed for a prolonged period. As long as you have proved who is the boss though I suppose that is the main thing when you are a parent???