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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think dp is being controlling not "letting me" have a dog?

87 replies

Smiledisarm · 01/05/2013 17:30

Dp and I are in the process of buying a house. From the beginning of our relationship I've compromised on shit loads. Took everything at his pace because he spent an age "not knowing what he wanted". I've compromised in the location of our new house going to an area of the city I'm not all that keen on (and miles away from where I wanted to be!) because he liked the houses better. I'm having to agree to move into this house despite the fact that my name can't currently go onto the mortgage for 10 months meaning I have no legal backing if it all goes tits up, I'm even having to compromise and accept that I may never get married despite it being a huge deal to me because he's not sure if he ever wants to remarry.
Now - I'm a dog enthusiast, specifically a German shepherd enthusiast and it has always been a huge goal of mine to qualify and buy a German shepherd puppy - I was so looking forward to that. Now dp is saying "no way, definitely not getting a German shepherd, no chance. I won't compromise on that. I won't budge on that. It's never going to happen. End of conversation. Apparently if I want a dog I can get a "small dog" but no chance in hell if getting the dog I've wanted since I was 10 years old. House is big, garden is big. We all like dogs (including him) so Aibu to think he's being really unfair and controlling on this? He won't even discuss it

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 01/05/2013 20:36

From what you say, the dog is the least of your problems.

Thumbtack · 01/05/2013 20:48

quoteunquote well said

alienbanana · 01/05/2013 21:41

Oh dear AnyFucker... I didn't realise there had been other threads

AnyFucker · 01/05/2013 21:45

there often is, AB Sad

ImperialBlether · 01/05/2013 21:48

AnyFucker, I love you.

quoteunquote · 01/05/2013 21:51

AnyFucker

but I think you kinda missed the point

Channeling my inner Poirot "mais vous vous trompez"

The point is a dog needs a stable relationship, even more than a child(children get out) , as they don't get to grow up and run away, it's the dog's one and only life, it gets no choice, it's whole life is decided by humans whims.

The OP, has a choice about staying in her life as it is at the moment, she can decide to stay with a less than satisfactory life (this is part of her recognising it as so), humans get choices, dogs don't.

There was no point in explaining to the OP, that she has to only agree to life decisions that protect her own interests, not just other people's, she has already foolishly agreed to do so, there no point in telling her it's very telling, when your partner chooses to ignore your feelings on commitment, it means he can visualise a life without you, and it doesn't panic him, no point she has agreed to that,

I had hoped she might realise that because she loves dogs she cannot possible put them into this unstable situation,

but she needs a conformation that is all okdokey,so a commitment to a K9 feels long term partnership, he has no such logic, which is why he is so adamant about being detached from the dog, it's all a distraction, which is why it is SO important.

It may well be that by not being able to have a dog, because it would mean not doing the job of been an owner justice, something that requires a united front, long term commitment, and stability

She might start to realise she is not leading the life she wants to.

You can compromise yourself out of a life, that is your choice, just make sure there are no K9 casualties.

AnyFucker · 01/05/2013 21:52

Aww, how nice, IB...come sit on my knee Wink

Maggie111 · 01/05/2013 21:53

A relationship is all about compromises but there are obviously sticking points which cannot be compromised away - like getting married, having children etc.

If he doesn't want dogs you might never be able to talk him into it. You sound so stressed out about the whole thing - do put buying a house on pause.

AnyFucker · 01/05/2013 21:55

quote I agree with you, dude

absolutely

I think you are coming from the K9 angle, I am coming from the Human angle. We reach the same place though Smile

quoteunquote · 01/05/2013 22:17
Grin
muffinino82 · 01/05/2013 23:19

Agreed that your issues are more than a dog

I adopted an 18 year old cat without consulting OH - he ended up loving her more than almost anything (he never thought he was a cat person previously and he so is) and cried for the first time in years when I had to have her put down. She was in need, I cannot have a home without a cat, that was that.

I also bought a yearling colt without consulting him but he's paid for out of my money and seen to on my time. Plus OH knows better than to ever get between me and my horses, so...

But then, I am an animal person and have always had a minimum of 3 in the house, plus have ridden for 15 years, so I couldn't be with a person who was not an animal lover or at the least understood how much they mean to me.

foreverondiet · 01/05/2013 23:24

Controlling behaviour at this stage in relationship. Walk away now and don't waste more of your life on him. Find someone who respects and appreciates what you want.

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