Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dp is being controlling not "letting me" have a dog?

87 replies

Smiledisarm · 01/05/2013 17:30

Dp and I are in the process of buying a house. From the beginning of our relationship I've compromised on shit loads. Took everything at his pace because he spent an age "not knowing what he wanted". I've compromised in the location of our new house going to an area of the city I'm not all that keen on (and miles away from where I wanted to be!) because he liked the houses better. I'm having to agree to move into this house despite the fact that my name can't currently go onto the mortgage for 10 months meaning I have no legal backing if it all goes tits up, I'm even having to compromise and accept that I may never get married despite it being a huge deal to me because he's not sure if he ever wants to remarry.
Now - I'm a dog enthusiast, specifically a German shepherd enthusiast and it has always been a huge goal of mine to qualify and buy a German shepherd puppy - I was so looking forward to that. Now dp is saying "no way, definitely not getting a German shepherd, no chance. I won't compromise on that. I won't budge on that. It's never going to happen. End of conversation. Apparently if I want a dog I can get a "small dog" but no chance in hell if getting the dog I've wanted since I was 10 years old. House is big, garden is big. We all like dogs (including him) so Aibu to think he's being really unfair and controlling on this? He won't even discuss it

OP posts:
pickledginger · 01/05/2013 17:49

As always, AnyFucker puts it beautifully.

I'm not trying to be harsh for the sake of it. To 'buy' a house with someone and not actually have your name on all the paperwork is so dodgy.

WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo · 01/05/2013 17:49

"the dog is the least of your worries TBH "

this exactly!

so you've agreed to buy a house you dont want in an area you dont want with no legal claim to any of it for a man who wont marry you?

umm, WHY?

wake up and smell the coffee, you are basically a silent investor with no shares so this guy can get a house exactly where he wants it and can kick you out once teh deal is done!

CruCru · 01/05/2013 17:52

Love the idea of a German Shepherd called Sam.

IneedAsockamnesty · 01/05/2013 17:54

Are you both buying the house or is it just him?

ipswitch · 01/05/2013 17:56

He is being controlling and unreasonable.
I don't see why you are living with this man, its not a sharing loving place.
Please don't add a dog into this messy relationship.
You decide what you want long-term for yourself first.
A dog is for life.....and deserves a better home.
He sounds like an arse, sorry.

Raum · 01/05/2013 17:56

In the nicest possible way you are a doormat for this guy, get out before you pay a penny. You won't have your name on the mortgage so find out if you have any liabilities and if not reconsider the partnership.

JohnSnowsTie · 01/05/2013 17:59

You sound like a friend of mine.

Her DP says no to marriage, no to children, and no to pets. Sad

They remain in the house he shared with his XW (who left him before he and my friend even met) and has no intention of moving. He's a lovely bloke - but everything about their relationship seems to be on his terms.

34DD · 01/05/2013 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FairPhyllis · 01/05/2013 18:03

You don't want the same kind of relationship.

I would eat my hat if he ever puts you on the mortgage.

Get the dog, ditch the man.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 01/05/2013 18:04

If this is all correct, re read your post and run whilst you can!

Mutt · 01/05/2013 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noblegiraffe · 01/05/2013 18:05

Another vote for replacing him with a dog

You are not an equal partner in your relationship and you should be.

expatinscotland · 01/05/2013 18:06

This guy's a prick. Dump him and get the dog.

musicmadness · 01/05/2013 18:08

On a basic level a dog needs to be a household decision, however for me a partner refusing to have pets would be a deal breaker so I know where you are coming from.

On a general level - what are you getting out of this? You have compromised on where you live, legal security and a major life event. I think you have more to worry about than the dog as this sounds worrying unless there are major upsides which you haven't mentioned in your OP.

specialsubject · 01/05/2013 18:11

and the reason you have sex with this bloke is....?

listen to yourself. And then get out. Nothing to do with the dog.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 01/05/2013 18:13

Oh dear, this doesn't sound good Confused

Is it possible that your DP is thinking grr that smiledisarm is forcing me to have a dog and she knows i don't want a dogs. I argued and argued my point and even though she has now agreed to getting a smaller dog I still feel railroaded about this. I think she is being controlling. .?????
Hmm

OP
You are going to have lots of important decision to make, when to have kids, whether one of you stays home with the kids, etc etc etc. it is a bad sign that you are struggling to agree things at this stage.

Have you thought about counselling?

BTW. I thought you could still be named on the title deeds even if the mortgage is not yours? I am probably wrong though Sad.

IneedAyoniNickname · 01/05/2013 18:16

When I clicked on this thread, I was planning on saying "no your dp is not being controlling" I wouldn't 'let' my ex buy a dog, much to his annoyance. Neither would I let him buy the dc a drumkit.

But having read the op, I agree with evety one else, the dog is the least of your worries.

MrsWolowitz · 01/05/2013 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chrome100 · 01/05/2013 18:16

If my DP got a dog it would be game over. I hate dogs. They are a lot of responsibility and unless both of you want one it is unfair to the other person to get one.

MrsWolowitz · 01/05/2013 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldRichandGrateful · 01/05/2013 18:23

Dump him. Get the dog - who will love you unconditionally.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 01/05/2013 18:24

Get the dog!!! A compromise is meeting in the middle not doing it all his way. What has he compromised on exactly?

He's moved you into a house likes from where u want to be. Making sure you have no financial back up at all cos everything's in his name. It's controlling behaviour op please see that

PatriciaHolm · 01/05/2013 18:28

Blimey. Is there anything about this relationship he doesn't call the shots on?

This isn't compromise. Your post is full of things you have conceded completely to him on. He sounds awful.

pictish · 01/05/2013 18:28

so you've agreed to buy a house you dont want in an area you dont want with no legal claim to any of it for a man who wont marry you?

umm, WHY?

That basically.

olgaga · 01/05/2013 18:28

The dog thing I can understand - but the house?

Seriously, why are you with this man. He sounds horrible.