to be shaking and crying

[ariane5]

After MASSIVE argument with mil.

It has been brewing for years, she owes us money, undermines and criticises me and belittles the dcs disabilities.

Today she phoned and had a go that dh was off work for dcs to all have their mmr (we have 4 dcs) told me I should learn to drive etc and do these things myself, I pointed out we neither have the funds for driving lessons OR the time.
She went on to criticise most aspects of my parenting and how terrible it is that dh is off for so many hosp appts and that bil business is suffering because of me and dcs (dh works for bil)

She was horrible and I bit, lost my temper and told her exactly what I thought. How dare she criticise us we try so hard with 4 very poorly dcs-bil knew the situation when he employed dh but apparently I am making bil ill as he has to work longer hours when dh is off.

Aibu to be so upset?

Yanbu. At all. But all the MIL stuff aside, do you and dh have any other support? Any respite?

I only have one dd with health issues and I have been offered support, hv told me last week she could arrange transport for us to a hospital appointment. Community nurses used to sit with dd during tube feeds whilst I showered etc..

Do you have any of these options?

Why don't you just cut her off completely - it would be worth the loss of the money, just to never have to deal with the poisonous cow again!

And stop lending her money!

We have not been offered any support, HV just advised with each of dcs to claim dla and if we needed help, e.g a cleaner as we were so snowed under with appts that it should come out of the dla.
I have a lovely homestart lady come 1 morning a week but only have 2 weeks left as their funding has been taken away.

Dh and I just try to juggle appts etc between ourselves and his work.At one point he nearly gave up to help caring for dcs but we have persevered so far and really would prefer that he stays working but its really hard.

Homestart are brilliant - it's nuts that they have taken away their funding.

Funding has changed for local authorities to supply respite and they are commissioning groups to provide the services. In my LA it means that you have to apply direct to the disabled childrens team (and be a bit pushy) to get what you need. They should be helping you anyway, but in my LA they tend to only respond to child protection matters and you have to push them for anything that's not urgent.

Once you give up work it's hard to get back in so I wouldn't recommend it - you really should be getting respite or portage on top of the DLA.

Yanbu.

I'm feeling very harsh today so I'm going to recamend slapping her next time you see her.

I hope you told her to fuck right off and mind her own business OP. I can tolerate a lot of things....but that is INTOLERABLE. YADNBU. Stand firm.

All of the above, how nasty can she be towards her own gc. As suggesed above speak to your BIL re working hours and work out an arrangement. Not the best time to job hunt but it might be time ti look elsewhere. That way you can both create space between you & in-laws.

Try homestart they may be able to offer you some practical support so you get a break from caring from your dc. its easy to burn out when you are juggling. I hope you ok.