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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fundraising Friend

48 replies

creamteas · 30/04/2013 17:12

A friend of mine likes running, it is her passion. She started off doing small races and now is seriously into marathon running. She is running, at last count, 20 this year, and I really do admire her for doing this. But she expects all her friends to sponsor her in every single one.

I regularly give to charities, and I have a few that I prefer to support more than others. I am happy to support her fundraising a couple of times of year, but when I tried to politely explain that I wouldn't support all her races as I had my own preferred causes, it went down like a lead balloon. She stated that she was putting so much effort in, and that I was uncaring by not sponsoring her.

AIBU

OP posts:

HeySoulSister · 30/04/2013 17:13

well I think you know yanbu

Bobyan · 30/04/2013 17:14

10p a race is very reasonable.

After all every little helps.

ENormaSnob · 30/04/2013 17:17

Yanbu

That would seriously get on my tits.

MaxPepsi · 30/04/2013 17:17

YANBU

You can't sponsor everyone all the time.

Yes it's great that's she's doing all this, but that is up to her. She's being a tad out of touch if she expects sponsors each and every time.

Does she do it for the same charity each time?

And frankly,she's not really putting that much effort in is she if running is her passion? it's something she does all the time for her own pleasure.

Beamur · 30/04/2013 17:19

A friend of mine is a bit like this too! Not quite as many as your friend thankfully. I've sponsored her a couple of times, but not every time as I like to choose which charities I support. My friend has not taken offence on the occasions I have declined. Your friend is BU to expect her friends to sponsor her that much! Some races you get preferential entry to if you are running for a charity. I wouldn't fall out with a friend over this, but if she is basically using the charity entry to enable her to run, that is all well and good for the charity but it will wear the patience of her sponsors thin!

specialsubject · 30/04/2013 17:20

exactly. Running benefits no-one except her, and it is an inefficient way of fundraising with lots of overheads.

tell her you only sponsor useful efforts - litter picking, garden clearance, renovating empty properties, that kind of thing.

DeafLeopard · 30/04/2013 17:44

Excellent reply specialsubject.

I do get fed up with this, a mum at school did a sky dive last year, loved it so much that she has done several more - each time costing the charity money - each time badgering other people to sponsor pay for it. She was overheard in the playground saying "Well I've got to reach £400 in sponsorship or I have to pay for the skydive myself"

Mintyy · 30/04/2013 17:48

"But she expects all her friends to sponsor her in every single one."

Does she really? Has she said so?

Bathsheba · 30/04/2013 17:50

My BIL is a bit like this - he moonwalks, and Bike 'n' hikes and does the Tough Mudder thing....My sister...HIS OWN WIFE doesn't sponsor him for them. She did the first time he did everything as it was a huge achievement..now she is a bit .."well, you walked 40 miles last time, why should I sponsor you to walk 26" or "Thanks, yeah, great...but I'm left looking after the child"...

She doesn;t think he is challenging himself anymore

SauvignonBlanche · 30/04/2013 17:56

YANBU

singingsoprano · 30/04/2013 19:13

YANBU

Original poster

creamteas · 30/04/2013 20:42

Glad to know it is not just me

OP posts:

SomethingOnce · 30/04/2013 20:47

At least she doesn't want you to subsidise a worthy holiday sponsor her trek up/around/across [insert developing world location]

HollyBerryBush · 30/04/2013 20:47

People seem use charity events for their own personal CV enhancement.

Run a marathon? great, fantastic for you, want to Walk the Great Wall of China? excellent! Me too, but I'm not asking you to pay for my holiday.

I'd have more respect for someone who gave up Christmas and volunteer at Centrepoint.

Your charity is not my charity, dont expect me to support you in your whole needy event

parabelle · 30/04/2013 20:51

YANBU, just had a friend do this, honestly you'd think no-one had ever run a marathon before the way she went on about it. I don't sponsor people and I don't expect them to sponsor me.
I particularly hate the people who go horse riding in Mongolia and expect me to sponsor them. Why? It's a holiday, I'm not paying for your holiday!

overprotection · 30/04/2013 20:52

Can't stand this sort of thing, I love running too but I don't expect people to sponsor me to do my own hobby that benefits nobody but me.

She may be putting a lot of effort in, but it's entirely selfish effort for her own selfish wants. Same as anyone else who rather than do a sponsored litter pick/volunteer with disabled kids decides to do some useless sporting activity. Have fun but if you support a charity put the fucking money in yourself.

Cookethenook · 30/04/2013 20:57

Ugh, yanbu.
I currently have 4 people wanting me to sponsor them. SIL and DB are both doing pretty impressive things, so will of course sponsor them, but there is also a friend doing an incredible bike ride for doctors without borders who i'd love to sponsor and a friend of DP's mum who wants us to donate to something that is a worthy cause, but for a charity i would never ever support (a homeopathy one). It's really hard, but you can't donate a lot of money to everyone.

interalia · 30/04/2013 20:57

YANBU. I rarely sponsor friends unless they are making a massive effort to do something really hard (for them) or it's the first time they've done something like this.

There was a rash of people at work wanting sponsorship for marathons etc. Some were great and for causes close to their heart, done by people who hadn't been very active so it was a big achievement. But my boss one person had done several marathons and it was obvious all he cared about was raising more money/going faster than his friends/colleagues. He was very competitive and it was obviously just a massive ego-boost for him. He didn't seem to care much about the charity.

I have also noticed that on some forms you can't donate less than £10 which is quite a lot for some people

I have a monthly direct debit set up to a couple of charities so I don't feel bad for not sponsoring all the time.

yy especially for the holiday ones

cherryade8 · 30/04/2013 20:58

Yanbu. I sponsor the first race someone does and then no more. I have a workmate who does loads of races and it really annoys me I get pestered for money each time. Worse still, as said charity is for a cause her brother died from, if I don't sponsor she thinks I'm not supporting her sadly deceased brother...I have given generous donations in the past though, I can't keep donating every couple of months when I like other charities too!

xkittyx · 30/04/2013 21:03

This is a bugbear of mine. Trekking to Everest Base Camp? Climbing Kilimanjaro? These things are dream holidays to me!

DeafLeopard · 30/04/2013 22:10

I feel bad as I have had no less than 7 requests for sponsorship for Race For Life. I can't afford to sponsor them all - I am sure it is an amazing event to take part in but I don't want to receive a weekly e-mail that is going to make me feel guilty.

thezebrawearspurple · 30/04/2013 23:55

You need to not care whether she thinks you're 'uncaring', indifference makes you immune to guilt tripping manipulation. She's not entitled to your money, end of.

Cherriesarelovely · 01/05/2013 00:18

She is BVU quite clearly. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask people politely to sponsor you once for a mammoth event like a marathon (I did one and it was bloody hard work for me!!) and running doesn't have huge overheads like skydiving or a trip to Kilimanjaro does but obviously over and over again is not on. Not sure why your friend can't see this.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 01/05/2013 07:52

I think people should only ask for sponsorship if what they are doing is a challenge for them.

I also think people should pay their own bloody entry fee and then get sponsorship, not use the charity as a way to get free entry. It really annoys me.

My friend did a marathon (her second) for a charity which I knew she didn't give a damn about as I knew she'd only done it to get free entry, as that was the charity left with places available. She admitted this was the case when I declined to sponsor her.

Why the hell would you expect other people to pay for your activity

Justforlaughs · 01/05/2013 07:59

I agree with the above posters that YANBU to not want to sponsor her for everything, but if you want to keep your friend (which you may/ may not) why not give her a small sum at the start of the year, whatever you feel is reasonable/ you can afford/ you feel inclined to give her and tell her to split it as she feels fit between her chosen charities.
For the record, I am (supposed) to be doing the race for life this year, and it will be a huge challenge for me, especially if I actually run it, so I hope that people will be generous and sponsor me. . If anyone else is doing it I'll be the one being carried off on a stretcher at the end!

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